Is this symbolic of our entire relationship? Am I overreacting?

[Gathertherainbows]

I’m prepared to be told I’m overreacting
Several times in the last couple of weeks DH has left his key in the other side of the door so that when I get back with the dc we cannot get in.
He’s usually then busy on a work call (wfh) and although he knows we are there we have waited up to an hour for him to come and take his key out of the door so we can get in.
It’s usually been about half an hour but last week it was an hour and dd had to go to the toilet in the garden. We can get in the garden via the gate but still not into the house. She cried a lot because she just wanted to get in the house. In the end I took them down to the shop and came back but still couldn’t get in.
Maybe I just don’t understand how important business is but I don’t see why he couldn’t just say he had to go and open the door - he could even have blamed me and said he didn’t have his key.
I do feel it’s a bit symbolic of how we are, no way would I leave him outside with the dc - having been out since 7.30am themselves - for an hour just waiting around.

He’s on a work call. I know because when we go round the back we can see into the office.
The first time I thought maybe he’d got his earphones in and couldn’t hear us so went round the back and wave and shouted and then he messaged me ‘one minute’ - thirty minutes later 🙄

I have work calls with paying clients and I’d leave them to let my dog in!!

I would get a brick and put it through that window next time. I am serious, btw.

There must be more to this?

Nobody is that important, who is he, the Queen?

He would be at the receiving end of a brick through the window, if he did that to me and dc.

What happens if you bang on the door repeatedly?? My ex did this to me all the time (it’s actually my house) and I’d bang on the front then climb over the fence and bang on the back.

That’s pretty awful. The next time he left the house I would absolutely lock him out and let him wait. I have people getting up on my work calls to let a delivery fit in, much less their own wife and child.

@AnyFucker

Next time he leaves the house lock him out. Then say you are too busy to let him in for an hour.

I hate to say it, but I agree - this is the way to deal with it once and for all. Dreadful behaviour. A quick “excuse me” and thirty seconds away is fine in almost all scenarios.

That is so unkind, thoughtless and mean
It’s inexcusable
Really it is
I would imagine he is also very thoughtless in other ways as well
YADNBU

Op, are you frightened of him ? It is the only explanation I can see.

I see you are as hot headed as me @AnyFucker .

That is cuntish behaviour.

Very disrespectful towards you but who leaves their kids outside?

I had to get out of the shower dripping wet with conditioner still in my hair to let DH and DS back in today because they were locked out.

He’s totally out of order.

I hate doors you have to lock with a key, I changed ours to ones with a key to lock from the outside, but a twisty thing on the inside. It wasn’t expensive. Not that you should have to resort to this though.

I'd be raising hell banging on door if I thought my DH was deliberately leaving me outside, especially due to his own cock up. Why are you just passively hanging in the garden for an hour whilst he plays the big man on a call??

This is an absolutely disgusting way to behave.

And if he locks you out just lean on the bell and keep leaning, and bang on the nearest window to where he works, without stopping.

I'd have been fecking livid the first time even if I had to wait 5 mins. That's just not good enough. Making you and DC wait an hour then I'd be making his life hell and contemplating leaving. He has no respect for you whatsoever.

Yes take a back door key with you but I wouldn't be surprised if he starts leaving the key in that one too! Very controlling behaviour.
I guess there's more of a back story going on.

Remove his keys.

Well, he knows if he leaves the key in the door you're locked out. And he apparently has such an important job that cannot be interrupted he cannot be stupid. So of course he is selfish thoughtless and has little regard for you and the children. Youre clearly beneath him in the pecking order.

Op, there is literally no way i would not have been knocking and knocking until he got off his arse and let us in.

I would not politely wait outside, I'd be hammering the door/ ringing the bell persistently and if he ignored it, calling a locksmith and giving him the bill.

I am not really that hotheaded, tbh. Just calmly sure that I would not tolerate this and would raise my response to it appropriately.

What does he do that is so important that he can’t pause the call for 20 seconds? Totally unacceptable I would be incandescent. I can’t even imagine this actually happening once never mind repeatedly. wtf?

Surely if his calls are that important then he'd remember that you come home at a certain time (like everyday!) and that he shouldn't leave his key in the door! I'd be livid if my husband did this. A few times the kids have rung the doorbell before I've reached it with the keys, and dh has grumbled but opened it immediately for them even when he's in a meeting. Something's up I'm afraid.

That's horrible to read. What call can be so important that he can't leave for 20 seconds to let you in?!

Talk to him. Tell him not to lock you out again and that he should come straight away if he does.

What's the rest of your relationship like?

So why don't you have a back door key, OP? For your own convenience.

If he has prevented you from getting one, I suggest you smash a window next time he locks you out ...

And yes. He hates you. Unless they're deciding on whether or not to push the nuclear button, not even a head of state would need to make their wife and children wait outside their own door for an hour.

He’s deliberately leaving you and your daughter outside and in distress. WTAF? Totally, totally unreasonable on his part. Unkind and nasty. Of course you are not overreacting.