Is this symbolic of our entire relationship? Am I overreacting?

[Gathertherainbows]

I’m prepared to be told I’m overreacting
Several times in the last couple of weeks DH has left his key in the other side of the door so that when I get back with the dc we cannot get in.
He’s usually then busy on a work call (wfh) and although he knows we are there we have waited up to an hour for him to come and take his key out of the door so we can get in.
It’s usually been about half an hour but last week it was an hour and dd had to go to the toilet in the garden. We can get in the garden via the gate but still not into the house. She cried a lot because she just wanted to get in the house. In the end I took them down to the shop and came back but still couldn’t get in.
Maybe I just don’t understand how important business is but I don’t see why he couldn’t just say he had to go and open the door - he could even have blamed me and said he didn’t have his key.
I do feel it’s a bit symbolic of how we are, no way would I leave him outside with the dc - having been out since 7.30am themselves - for an hour just waiting around.

this is an insane level of rudeness, lack of care, and sheer cuntery toward your wife and child.

I'd break the window of his office if he did it again - actually I really think I would. An hour on a call while a child who has been in nursery/school all day is wailing and having to pee in her garden?? and to do this more than once?? He isn't fit to have a key and is NOT a nice person.

Serns like he hs showing you contempt tbh. Or at best, really selfish disregard.

If this is indicative of other ways he has behaved throughout your marriage then time to get shot of the asshole.

I'd also be wondering if he was up to something on those calls that he didn't want you to hear.

*Seems like he is

Well just that generally he is king of the castle. It’s not as black and white as that but that is the message I feel some of the time and I felt this was a perfect illustration of it.
Another time was when I was ill and he said he wouldn’t catch it because he was too important to be ill. Those are more explicit times. Also when he’s asked me the same thing about a billion times - to do with something like cooking a ready meal for himself if I’ve not been in - and when I’ve said you’ve done this before, why are you asking me again - he’s said he can only remember ‘important information and not the menial stuff.’ The implication being that I remember the menial stuff.

That’s appalling. My DS gets annoyed enough when I leave the key in the door and have to come and open it for him rather than him being able to let himself in! If I kept him waiting for 30-60 mins I’d never hear the end of it.

Once could be considered an accident but the fact that it’s happening repeatedly shows a total lack of care and respect for you and your DD.

I’d tell him if it happens even one more time we’re getting divorced - and mean it.

He sounds like the sort of cock who would chance it just to see if you’re serious, so you’d need to follow through with it though, otherwise he’ll see that as more proof he can treat you like a naughty dog.

What an absolute shit of a man he is.

Eww yeah he's a dick.

Sounds like a narcissist (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) tbh.

But he is definately a self important dickhead and I wouldn't want to raise my kid to think women (or heck, other people in general) are second class citizens.

@AnyFucker

I would get a brick and put it through that window next time. I am serious, btw.

I’m with AF.

Why the hell weren’t you banging on the office window?

I would be absolutely INCANDESCENT with my husband if my child was crying outside to come in to use the toilet and he not only knew but ignored us. INCANDESCENT with rage at him.

What kind of father does that?

He’s either so shit at his job with such a low level of respect in his company- or has so low self-esteem that he believes this to be the case - because anyone can excuse themselves from a call to open a door. It takes seconds. I assume he’s not presenting a multimillion pound deal to investors who aren’t human enough to understand?

Fucking hell.

If you are able to see into the room he is working in, I would be hammering on the window, I am sure anyone he is talking to would be able to hear you. It might encourage him to let you in.

Office is upstairs. I could see him but couldn’t bang on the window.
Ds was banging on the back door and calling him repeatedly.

You need to kick off big time.

Did you not?

You sound passive about this and he’s treating you and your children terribly.

Who leaves a 4 or 5 year old in the garden desperate to go to the toilet? Who lets their wife and children go to the public toilet at the shop in the middle of a pandemic rather than open a door?

Leave a note on the inside of the door.

@Gathertherainbows

He’s on a work call. I know because when we go round the back we can see into the office. The first time I thought maybe he’d got his earphones in and couldn’t hear us so went round the back and wave and shouted and then he messaged me ‘one minute’ - thirty minutes later 🙄

I'd ask him why he thinks it's acceptable to lock you out of the house. If he doesn't want to be disturbed on his work call he needs to take a moment to make sure he hasn't locked you out.

Next time - if there is one - I'd be going round the door and banging on the window as hard as I could. That's disturbance.

Do you not have a back door key?

He sounds very self centered

@Gathertherainbows

Well just that generally he is king of the castle. It’s not as black and white as that but that is the message I feel some of the time and I felt this was a perfect illustration of it. Another time was when I was ill and he said he wouldn’t catch it because he was too important to be ill. Those are more explicit times. Also when he’s asked me the same thing about a billion times - to do with something like cooking a ready meal for himself if I’ve not been in - and when I’ve said you’ve done this before, why are you asking me again - he’s said he can only remember ‘important information and not the menial stuff.’ The implication being that I remember the menial stuff.

He sounds like a complete knob.

@Gathertherainbows

Well just that generally he is king of the castle. It’s not as black and white as that but that is the message I feel some of the time and I felt this was a perfect illustration of it. Another time was when I was ill and he said he wouldn’t catch it because he was too important to be ill. Those are more explicit times. Also when he’s asked me the same thing about a billion times - to do with something like cooking a ready meal for himself if I’ve not been in - and when I’ve said you’ve done this before, why are you asking me again - he’s said he can only remember ‘important information and not the menial stuff.’ The implication being that I remember the menial stuff.

Ugh. You are supporting cast in the drama of his Very Important Life.

Fuck that.

Blimey Op, I’d be kicking his arse from here to eternity.
Appalling behaviour from him. He really doesn’t have any respect for you.
In the short term, if it happens again, I would do what pp’s have suggested and ring the doorbell non-stop or chuck a stone through the window (and I’d warn him beforehand that that if he pulls this stunt again that is what will happen).
In the longer term I think you ought to be getting your ducks in a row.
He sounds like a prize twat.

I don’t take a back door key as a matter of course, or I didn’t.
I think it’s unacceptable too really.

As others have said, I too would literally cave the window in and no I am not exaggerating. But I wouldn't need to because DH would excuse himself after one minute max to open the door. Your husband is fucking disgraceful and should be grovelling.

He’s being a dick.
Firstly he doesn’t need to leave they key in the door and secondly NO call is so important that he can’t say he needs to go and let his wife and child in
If my DH left me outside for an hour I would go ballistic

I’m really upset for you. I wfh as does my partner and we would both, and everyone I know would, pause to open the door for each other, or even just to deal with a delivery.

Next time bang loudly for the whole time. Make it so he can’t ignore you.

Or take his keys with you. Remove the keys, then hopefully there won’t be an issue.

This would not be happening in a caring healthy relationship.

This happened to us recently. It’s a lock that can’t be unlocked with a key in one side. DPs key inside, I couldn’t get in,
I knocked and banged and rang the bell till he came. Politely at first but I’d have continued to knock and ring and bang and call through the letterbox till he came. No fecking way would I have let up.
Id have been very cross with him and he’d have known about it if I’d waited longer than 10 minutes (the time it takes to have a shower as that may have been where he was) I don’t care if he’s talking to the CEO he could have said I’m so sorry and excused himself for one minute.

Put that fucking window through...is he mad?!

I would not forgive that behaviour. Does he have to keep his arse glued to his seat to stop Chernobyl melting down? Otherwise what kind of bastard leaves you and the kids stuck outside your own home?

Chuck stones at the window, the bigger the better, he will have to move if you smash it, the ignorant fucker.