Done something really stupid and I’m so ashamed

[BeenSuchaStupidCow]

NC for this because I’m so ashamed of myself, I’ve been so stupid. For the last few months I’ve been chatting to a guy I met through OLD. Because of COVID we’d never met yet. I found out a couple of weeks ago he’s married and I’m gutted, I really really liked him. Tonight I’ve done something I shouldn’t and I wish I hadn’t but it’s too late and I’m disgusted with myself. I found his wife on FB and I sent her a message telling her her man’s a cheat. And I sent her some photos he’d sent me in our chats. Now I feel so guilty that I’ve ruined this poor woman’s life and I wish I’d never said anything. It was a stupid impulse after I’d had a couple of drinks and I wish I could take them back. I can see she’s read it but she’s not replied. I keep thinking of what I’ve done and going hot with shame. Why was I so stupid and destructive?

Appalling

Well yeah, you were stupid. But he was in the wrong more. Put your phone down and go to bed lovely x

Tbh he’s ruined his wife’s life not you.

It's done now. She's not going to thank you but stop beating yourself up. He's the one who knew he was married. He's the one who should feel guilty. Move on and up.

Block them both. Go to ground. Don’t answer messages. Let them resolve it however.

That’s a lot of anger and spite considering that you’ve never actually met him. Was it just the booze?

You've done her a massive favour.

Maybe you've saved her life from being with an arse, instead of ruining it. It wasn't a great thing to do, but he should be the one feeling shame and disgust, you didn't know.

Hope you have someone to give you a hug and eat ice-cream with (or several drinks, or do a cleansing yoga session with, if that's more your bag)

He ruined his marriage not you. Fuck him

If my H was messing about in a EA I'd rather know about it

She probably won't be happy with you and might lash out but ultimately you've probably been indirectly helpful. She deserves to know her H is a prick.

Assume you've dumped him ?

Just doing anything after drinks changes the tone and alters decision making.

He ruined her life. I've been cheated on, suspected but couldn't prove it, and wish I'd been told.

@Credenhill22

Appalling

I hope this is aimed at the man she has been talking to. Yes messaging his wife wasnt the wisest move but she is obviously filled with remorse. At the end of the day op, he chose to try old. As another poster said, go to bed and tomorrow is another day. The man doesnt know where you live or hang out post pandemic restrictions does he?

Maybe you've saved her life from being with an arse, instead of ruining it.

Most wives who receive such messages discount them, or are talked around by the cheating arse. You see it here all the time.

I wish I could have taken the moral high ground and I’m so angry at myself for being so weak and vindictive. I only went on SM originally to block him on everything and then I looked at his friends list and there she was and I just thought fuck it.

Honestly you’ve done her a favour

Appalling is a bit strong... I wouldn’t even say you done a bad thing, only that you perhaps did it for your satisfaction but that’s impulse for you.
I’d rather know.

Don't know why pp are appalled? Trust me, you've done his wife a massive favour. Maybe you didn't do it for the right reasons, but the outcome is the same

It’s just so much hassle for zero benefit to you. Put yourself first and don’t get dragged into their toxic dynamic.

Well, you didn’t ruin her life - he did by having an affair. In the cold light of day you wouldn’t have done this. But what done is done and, given you were also lied to and didn’t set out to take someone else’s partner, I think you are in the clear on this one.

If I was her I’d want to know.

Go to bed OP, it’ll all look better in the morning

God, people are pathetic on here. You've done nothing wrong, OP. In fact I consider it a public service. Not everyone is a Stepford Mum who'll do anything to cling onto their cheating loser of a husband. If I were his wife I would message you back wanting details, and would be grateful. I wouldn't be sure of your motivations but I'd be bloody glad you'd let me know so I could remove the tosser from my life.

He doesn’t know where I live, no. Well, the general area but not my address. And yes, I dumped him when I found out. I feel so bad because I’m angry at him but now I’ve made her suffer because of a stupid misjudgement.

I can't believe that posters are saying that you've done his wife a massive favour?! Do you honestly think his wife is going to leave him because of a few random messages from a stranger ??! Most likely she will now be anxious , stressed and very unhappy if she wasn't prior to this! You haven't even met him in person so why bother ?! I always look at the motive of the act and your motive was quite vindictive!

As someone whose husband cheated on me and left I think you did the right thing. Block them both and put them out of your mind.

I’ve recently decided that if I ever know about an affair then I’d tell the wife.

If it meant I was scapegoated or whatever then so be it.

There is NO way I could stand by and watch a woman be humiliated by a man.

If there is some agreement between them or it’s an unspoken acceptance that he plays away then fine, that’s up to her to deal with. But I couldn’t sit knowing some dirty scumbag was screwing around and no one felt it necessary to tell the person he’s married to.

You did the right thing in my opinion. You maybe didn’t do it for the right reason but don’t give yourself a hard time. She has information and she can act as she sees fit. HE is the cunt here and the only person who should be ashamed is him.