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Original poster

Partner wont put me on mortgage

314 replies

Mynewusername1 · 01/04/2021 19:43

Would you expect your partner to put your name on the mortgage if you were in a long term relationship?
oh says its his money as hes worked hard he has a degree etc and saved up deposit
I work but only earn min wage not educated but pay towards bills food & holidays etc...

OP posts:
harknesswitch · 01/04/2021 19:45

I would, but I'd also expect that any equity is ring fenced should you split up, along with discussing, and agreeing, on financial split for paying the mortgage, bills etc

HavelockVetinari · 01/04/2021 19:46

No, not unless we had DC together and I'd taken time out to raise them and enable him to rise in his career. Just living with someone doesn't entitle you to a share of their assets!

SandyY2K · 01/04/2021 19:47

I wouldn't do it no.

If I paid the deposit and the mortgage, it makes no sense to allow a partner a stake in my house.

You'd be paying bills and for food wherever you lived.

Howshouldibehave · 01/04/2021 19:47

@Mynewusername1

Would you expect your partner to put your name on the mortgage if you were in a long term relationship? oh says its his money as hes worked hard he has a degree etc and saved up deposit I work but only earn min wage not educated but pay towards bills food & holidays etc...
I guess it wouldn’t be as simple as just putting you on. A solicitor would need to be involved and draw it all up properly. Lots of questions would have to be asked...

How long have you been together? How long has he had the property? How much has he paid into the property already? How much would you each pay for the mortgage? Are you married and are there children involved?

If he doesn’t want to though-then that’s pretty much the end of the matter as it’s his house. I’d be looking at buying your own property if you want to build up equity as a home owner.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 01/04/2021 19:47

You might have very different ideas about what a partner is. If you don’t like his, it’s best to move on.

MazekeenSmith · 01/04/2021 19:48

Do you have children?

HavelockVetinari · 01/04/2021 19:48

You could take the money you save on rent and invest it, then eventually buy your own property?

It would be grossly unfair to expect him to give up part of a property he attained before you came on the scene (and in which you presumably live rent free).

HollowTalk · 01/04/2021 19:48

Do you have children together? Did you take time out to care for them?

The way I would look at it is this: you have every right to want a property yourself. Either you can get one on your own (and he has to help support the children while you work - if you have them) or you can get one with him (which he is resisting.) So if he doesn't want a property with you, you need to put yourself in a position where you get one yourself. If this means leaving him then so be it. Your security comes first.

Pebbledashery · 01/04/2021 19:49

Honestly, no I wouldn't. If you were married or contributed significantly to the deposit then maybe.. But he's protecting himself. Too many people leave themselves vulnerable. I am sure you may feel the same if the tables were turned x

AmandaHoldensLips · 01/04/2021 19:51

If you're not married, no. That's like asking someone to give you half their assets.

Howshouldibehave · 01/04/2021 19:51

What do you see as being the ideal solution here-he puts you in the mortgage so that you are entitled to 50% of the property if you separate? Do you see yourself as paying 50% of all mortgage/bills/repairs?

StephenBelafonte · 01/04/2021 19:51

There's no way I'd put someone else on my mortgage.

Equally, i wouldn't move in with someone who wouldn't put me on the mortgage.

What are your thoughts on marriage?

rwalker · 01/04/2021 19:52

No you would pay toward bills and food if you were in rented . Your living rent free sounds grabby TBH.

ivfbeenbusy · 01/04/2021 19:52

No I wouldn't expect it and I'd think it pretty cheeky (or gold diggery) to expect otherwise. 🤷‍♀️

He's right. You haven't worked to save and buy the house with a deposit - he has - most likely largely before you were ever on the scene - and presumably you aren't paying half the mortgage either?

If you were married or had kids then you should be discussing ways to even up the equity but he's doing the right thing by protecting himself

Original poster
Mynewusername1 · 01/04/2021 19:53

We were together before he bought it, i would have liked to have saved and paid towards the deposit too.
We have dc but he says i wanted them :-/
I don’t think I would have much of a career but still could work hard to pay for it...

OP posts:
SpeakingFranglais · 01/04/2021 19:54

@SandyY2K

I wouldn't do it no.

If I paid the deposit and the mortgage, it makes no sense to allow a partner a stake in my house.

You'd be paying bills and for food wherever you lived.

It may be unpopular but I agree.

children in the equation changes things, and also how long you have been together and when he bought the house adn where you were at the time.

But you cant just get into a relationship and expect a stake.

Howshouldibehave · 01/04/2021 19:54

Are you married?

canigooutyet · 01/04/2021 19:54

No I wouldnt. Why would I work my arse off to buy something only for someone at a later date to want a share because we share a bed
I would expect t them to contribute to utilities and food. And hopefully the money saved on rent would be saved so they could either buy something of their own or for deposit etc to buy something together

LemonDrizzles · 01/04/2021 19:54

Are you married or engaged?

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/04/2021 19:54

Is marriage on the cards? How long term do you mean?

It’s his asset that he’s invested in and gets to benefit from. There are lots of variables which impact these sorts of decisions but unmarried you’re two separate individuals and he doesn’t want to risk losing what’s probably his biggest asset if you split up. You can see where he’s coming from.

You’re presumably considerably better off by being with him already as you’re not paying rent and you would be if you lived elsewhere.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 01/04/2021 19:54

No, I wouldn’t.

I moved into my DHs flat when we got serious. I wasn’t on the mortgage until we were married. He paid the deposit and the mortgage, I paid food and some of the bills. It was his house.

I wouldn’t put anyone on the mortgage until we were married. I wouldn’t make any payments towards the mortgage, either - just split the costs “differently”, so you pay food and he pays the mortgage, for example, if the balance each other out. Your benefit from the situation is that you live rent free, rather than that you gain half his deposit.

But it’s not straightforward to add someone to a mortgage. It’s doable, but complicated. You’ll need a credit check, it can incur costs if you’re inside a fixed term, etc.

NailsNeedDoing · 01/04/2021 19:55

No, I wouldn’t, not if we weren’t planning to marry, and not if I hadn’t contributed to the deposit or mortgage payments.

drpet49 · 01/04/2021 19:55

No I wouldn’t either.

NoSquirrels · 01/04/2021 19:55

How old are your DC?

Have you discussed getting married? If not, why not?

StephenBelafonte · 01/04/2021 19:56

We have dc but he says i wanted them :-

In that case, he's a bit of a cunt isn't he? Leaving you to take the financial hit for the kids whilst he gets on and builds himself a nice little pile of assets, safe in the knowledge he's getting easy access to sex, children raised for free, financial help running the house and domestic chores carried out.

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