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Original poster

Partner wont put me on mortgage

314 replies

Mynewusername1 · 01/04/2021 19:43

Would you expect your partner to put your name on the mortgage if you were in a long term relationship?
oh says its his money as hes worked hard he has a degree etc and saved up deposit
I work but only earn min wage not educated but pay towards bills food & holidays etc...

OP posts:
wewereliars · 01/04/2021 20:23

OP if you're not going to leave, buy a flat and live in it or rent it out. Don't give him any more money. Screw him, like he's screwing you.

StephenBelafonte · 01/04/2021 20:24

he has kicked us out before

Thats really sad. Leave, take your kids and be happy in your own rented home.

NoSquirrels · 01/04/2021 20:25

Oh lord, OP. Why did you move back in?

Seriously- if he won’t commit, and he’s been an arsehole in the past, don’t stay with him. He’s not going to suddenly change for good and you situation will get worse the longer you stay and the older you get.

FlatEarthling · 01/04/2021 20:25

OP, please do something to rectify this.
I have just read your story to my teenager as a cautionary tale.
I'm sorry your partner sounds like a bastard.

Rainbowqueeen · 01/04/2021 20:25

Agree that you need financial security. He clearly isn’t interested in helping you achieve that so you need to work out the best way to get there yourself.
I bet you have to buy everything for the kids because you wanted them???

I’m sorry you’re in this situation op but hoping he will change won’t get you out of it. You need to take action. Study, get a pension started, look for a better paying job. Best wishes

AgentJohnson · 01/04/2021 20:27

Well you slept walked yourself into a right old pickle. You and he have very different ideas about partnership and instead of paying attention to the obvious signs of this incompatibility, you had kids and that leaves you and your children very vulnerable.

You made the fatal mistake of assuming. His reaction about you wanting the kids, says all about this arsehole. Start paying a proportion of the bills based on your salary and save the rest.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/04/2021 20:28

He’s kicked you out before?!. What behaviour did he show you that made you move out.

I would trust this man about as far as I could throw him ie not at all. Words are cheap, it’s actions you need to look at. He won’t move out either if this relationship breaks down again, it’s his house with the mortgage in his name. You have no legal rights here in law and he knows that too. I presume the children have his surname, yet more power handed over to him all too willingly by you if that is the case.

Original poster
Mynewusername1 · 01/04/2021 20:28

Yes i have savings and i am hoping to go full time soon my youngest is 5 so in school now
My next step is full time work & pension
Thanks for everyone’s response

OP posts:
DarkMatterA2Z · 01/04/2021 20:29

In all honesty, OP, I would never have children with someone without being married to them. I know that is not helpful to you in the very least, but it is an incredibly vulnerable position to be in. When you are married, a court can split all financial assets in a divorce to ensure that the children and their primary carer can be properly housed. Without marriage, the only thing you'll be entitled to is child maintenance.

He's being incredibly unreasonable. He's spent the last few years building financial security for himself at the expense of you and the children. He obviously views the children as your problem and he's not morally obliged to house them or provide for them. In your shoes, I'd be considering my position and calculating what I would be entitled to as a single parent, rather than wasting my life on someone who values me so little.

RantyAnty · 01/04/2021 20:30

He's been a selfish grabby arse.

You'd be better off in your own place. He can pay CM.
Think about training for something else like tech where you can make some decent money. Then you can get on the property ladder yourself.

Viviennemary · 01/04/2021 20:31

If you're not paying towards it I think your partner has a point. Why would he.

NoSquirrels · 01/04/2021 20:32

OK, OP. But if you’ve not long moved back in, I suggest you set some new ground rules about financial contributions. Be really clear with him that you need to put your own finances first in the same way he is. Make 100% sure you’re not paying more than your fair share - and if you earn less because of childcare issues then you also contribute less. No 50-50 bullshit if you do all the grunt work allowing him to earn more.

Tagagzjskva · 01/04/2021 20:32

No. And I wouldn’t be putting anyone’s name on my mortgage if they hadn’t contributed to it.

Original poster
Mynewusername1 · 01/04/2021 20:32

@AttilaTheMeerkat became distant
Snappy
Picking at things
Swearing at me

OP posts:
Lorddenning1 · 01/04/2021 20:33

I was in a similar situation, met a guy who already owned his house outright, so what we did was we got the house valued, went to a solicitor to put me on the deeds but put a clause in that says, if the property was sold, the first xxx amount would go to partner and anything else after would be split 50/50. This protects my partner with his original asset but it also takes into account my contribution to the property. We have since taken out a joint remortgage on the property to do some major work on the house, which we are both liable for, and any value added would be split 50/50, so I'm ok with this and so is partner. We are not married and I'm not sure if when we get married, the clause on the deeds still stands. Does anyone know?

maartjebaabes · 01/04/2021 20:33

@ivfbeenbusy

No I wouldn't expect it and I'd think it pretty cheeky (or gold diggery) to expect otherwise. 🤷‍♀️

He's right. You haven't worked to save and buy the house with a deposit - he has - most likely largely before you were ever on the scene - and presumably you aren't paying half the mortgage either?

If you were married or had kids then you should be discussing ways to even up the equity but he's doing the right thing by protecting himself

Agree totally.

Also it's not just up to you, it's up to the bank or other mortgagee. At the very least you'd need to apply again. If he's not doing so well due to Covid or anything else then inviting the mortgagee to reconsider his creditworthiness is aiming the rifle at the metatarsals.

You need to have a grown up conversation about how you're looked after financially, based on fairness rather than a sense of entitlement.

thefourgp · 01/04/2021 20:33

What he says to you is completely irrelevant and worthless. If he was a good father and partner he would be making sure you and the children are financially stable and secure. He sounds awful and I suspect it’s only a matter of time before you break up. Hopefully for good.

Right now, you need to save in an account in your sole name to buy your own property even if it’s just to rent it out. Do not put his name on it.

I paid a larger deposit than my ex husband when we got a joint mortgage. He promised that if anything ever happened I’d get the difference back then tried to screw me over when we split.

StephenBelafonte · 01/04/2021 20:34

OP are you actually already living in this house which is in his name only?

It's just that if he's only in the process of buying it, i'd stay living in your current house. Otherwise it would be very difficult to get another rental.

wewereliars · 01/04/2021 20:34

The OPs contribtion towards the mortgage is having kids with a self centred arse

EKGEMS · 01/04/2021 20:34

My goodness, every single update you post he is worse and worse! I hope if you find a full time position in the near future you can save enough for the time you may need to get away from

cansu · 01/04/2021 20:36

You need to do one of three things

  1. Get married so you have some financial security.
  2. Take the money you would have spent on the mortgage and save it for your own future.
  3. Move out and get your own place.

I would be making it very clear to your partner that you will not contribute to the mortgage payments or any maintenance or furnishings for his house. I can see that he wants to protect the money he has put in but you are not a casual girlfriend. It sounds like you have been together a long time and have children. He could put you on the mortgage but protect what he has put in.

DarkMatterA2Z · 01/04/2021 20:36

As far as I'm concerned, having children with someone is as big a commitment as being married to them. Especially if the other person would be your children's primary carer in a relationship breakdown, you ought to be actively working to make sure they're also financially secure. Anyone who doesn't, like the OP's partner, is a bit of a shit.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/04/2021 20:36

The more you write about him Mynewusername the worse he sounds.
And you went back despite him doing all that?.

JellyBabiesFan · 01/04/2021 20:37

He paid for the deposit and sounds like he pays the mortgage. Why do you think you should be on the mortgage?

herbivore15 · 01/04/2021 20:37

I am amazed by the lack of understanding of family law on this thread. In most Western, English-speaking countries, having a house in your name, or being solely named on a mortgage, or even a title deed, does not ring-fence the property in the event of divorce, or even in the event of a breakdown of a defacto relationship (not least one where there are kids involved). Even pre and post nuptial agreements that specifically ring-fence properties will not always be unheld by a family court.

He can't just defer financial responsibility for the kids to you and say 'you wanted them' and then channel all his money into a house in his name. That's now how things work legally.

He sounds like a total knob, OP, and a financially abusive one at that. I would be getting myself some legal advice.

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