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Original poster

Partner wont put me on mortgage

314 replies

Mynewusername1 · 01/04/2021 19:43

Would you expect your partner to put your name on the mortgage if you were in a long term relationship?
oh says its his money as hes worked hard he has a degree etc and saved up deposit
I work but only earn min wage not educated but pay towards bills food & holidays etc...

OP posts:
Chloemol · 01/04/2021 20:37

No. Unless you are prepared to either contribute a large sum to reduce the mortgage, or agree to sign a document that you won’t make any claim on the property value up to the date of signing, and will only take 50% of the increase in value after that date, and only if you pay half the mortgage

If that’s not for you then get married, although if I was your partner I would be looking for a prenup

Lauraa7 · 01/04/2021 20:37

I think everyone needs to read all you posts before they comment.

If he had the house when you met him then no. However you were together and you have children. Therefore he is being very selfish and is putting you in a vulnerable position. I’d say you need to get out of the relationship rather than get on the mortgage.

StephenBelafonte · 01/04/2021 20:38

As far as I'm concerned, having children with someone is as big a commitment as being married to them

This might well be the case for women @DarkMatterA2Z but for men, i'm pretty sure the bigger commitment is marriage.

bennibooboo · 01/04/2021 20:39

He doesn't love you OP...sorry but he is just a Twat!! I would leave him if I were you...you would be doing yourself a huge favour in the long run. Why do you want to live like this???

Famousinlove · 01/04/2021 20:39

It sounds like he's trying to keep his long term options open

LolaSmiles · 01/04/2021 20:40

It depends on whether you gave up a higher paying job, pension, and career for me.

If you have given up you own financial security, and made sacrifices for your long term security (for example giving up a well paying job to facilitate the children and his career) then morally I think you should be on the deeds.
If you were always earning NMW and haven't made financial sacrifices for the family unit then I wouldn't expect an unmarried partner to be on the deeds or mortgage if they were only paying bills and food. If they were paying towards the mortgage then I would expect the share of the property to be drawn up to reflect the percentage paid, eg deposit ring-fenced, remaining value 95%/5%.

However, the fact he has treated you appallingly means that being on the mortgage or deeds isn't the biggest issue here.

SunshineCake · 01/04/2021 20:41

He doesn't sound like a keeper. Making out only you wanted the children. That would be the end for me.

Original poster
Mynewusername1 · 01/04/2021 20:45

I only want to be on it or married so we dont have to move out again if things did go wrong, i would absolutely sign something to say he gets everything he’s put into it I just dont want to have to move the children again really if the worst happened again
As last time we moved out with nothing

OP posts:
SimonJT · 01/04/2021 20:45

I would only share a mortgage with someone I wasn’t married to if we were tenants in common to reflect deposit amounts and then repayments were 50/50 with a declaration of trust. A friend and I did this when we bought a flat together.

I bought this flat before I met my partner, he pays £0 rent and it will stay that way until we are married, signing over a property I have paid for to someone I’m not married to would be insanity. Once we’re married that will change and the money he has saved will be used when we remortgage.

The fact that he seemingly won’t support his children is shit, you can’t make him change, but you can improve your own financial situation. You could also look at the entitledto website to determine which financial support you may be entitled to if you were single.

Howshouldibehave · 01/04/2021 20:47

@Mynewusername1

I only want to be on it or married so we dont have to move out again if things did go wrong, i would absolutely sign something to say he gets everything he’s put into it I just dont want to have to move the children again really if the worst happened again As last time we moved out with nothing
It’s not going to happen if he doesn’t agree.

I’d be looking at ways to get out of this relationship-he sounds utterly selfish.

nursejekyll · 01/04/2021 20:49

He sounds awful op Sad. You and your children are in a financially vulnerable position living with this man - is it worth it? What do you get out of the relationship?
What will happen in the future if the children want to go to University etc? A selfish arse like him won't want to contribute.

herbivore15 · 01/04/2021 20:49

OP, he cannot throw you and the children out of the house. Repeat he cannot legally do this - they are his bloody kids! If he tries to kick you out, you need to call the police.

DarkMatterA2Z · 01/04/2021 20:51

@StephenBelafonte. This might well be the case for women @DarkMatterA2Z but for men, i'm pretty sure the bigger commitment is marriage.

Makes sense. It's quite easy for a lot of men to opt out of parenting if they don't fancy doing it any more. Much harder for women - they can hardly send the kids back if their ex doesn't want them.

wewereliars · 01/04/2021 20:53

herbivore you are wrong. The OP is not married to her shit of a partner, is not on the property deeds, so has no legal right to be in the property other than a licence. That is something her partner can legally revoke at will.She has fewer rights than a teant. The children could theoretically make a claim on their own account, but presumably the OP would not want that.

wewereliars · 01/04/2021 20:53

tenant even

SimonJT · 01/04/2021 20:53

As far as I'm concerned, having children with someone is as big a commitment as being married to them.

It really isn’t, being a parent is making a commitment to your child, not your partner. There is no way I would ever have a child with someone I’m not married to.

JellyBabiesFan · 01/04/2021 20:53

You and your children are in a financially vulnerable position living with this man - is it worth it? What do you get out of the relationship

Are you for real?

If the OP was not with this man and had to rent she would be much worse off financially.

Thatwentbadly · 01/04/2021 20:54

@Mynewusername1

No all bill in his name, I just give him money towards them each month, The mortgage is cheap , cheaper than rent i know now i have been daft I didn’t realise at the time we had the children how important it was. he has kicked us out before and i had nothing so this time we are back together i do have savings incase it happens again ive told him my fears he says it wont happen again if we split up he will move out He says he didn’t kick us out i chose to leave but it was because of his behaviour
What behaviour caused you to leave? I’m starting to wonder if being on on the mortgage or not is the biggest issue.
RandomMess · 01/04/2021 20:55

Give him less towards bills seeing as though you are providing childcare so he can work full time

AngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngry

wewereliars · 01/04/2021 20:55

If she were renting the OP could not be thrown out on a whim, she would be better off

raincamepouringdown · 01/04/2021 20:55

@Mynewusername1

We were together before he bought it, i would have liked to have saved and paid towards the deposit too. We have dc but he says i wanted them :-/ I don’t think I would have much of a career but still could work hard to pay for it...
You have children together and you're completely unprotected here. And he has the audacity to imply only you wanted them?! They're fucking here; they're his; he's an arsehole for saying this and acting like only protecting himself matters going forward.

I couldn't stay with someone who didn't have my and my children's backs in all ways. he doesn't.

Get legal advice and ponder leaving him to it. CMS calculator should be looked at.

EezyOozy · 01/04/2021 20:56

If the OP was not with this man and had to rent she would be much worse off financially.

That's not true. If they weren't together and hadn't had children she'd probably be working full time and be financially self sufficient. She is financially vulnerable
because she is living with this man and has children with him yet is not married.

RouxLou81 · 01/04/2021 20:56

I do not understand why marriage differentiates being put on the mortgage or not for most of the posters here. Ypurein a longterm relationship with the father of your kuds. We're living in the 21st century...having a ring on your finger does not equal commitment.

Unfortunately UK law has not caught up here and you don't have the same rights as a married couple.

In Ireland, the law was was updated a few years back to give more rights to cohabiting couples. An anecdote I heard was this was a result of bachelor farmers having long term partners who did all the housework and helped our around the farm but were left without a roof over their heads in the end. Equally, unmarried housewives who maintain the household so the husband can pursue a career.

This is about much more than just you. What if something happened to him, is there a risk your kids would be left with no home?

At a minimum you should have a will together to protect you and your children.

Tbh he does sounds like a mans arse tbh.

canigooutyet · 01/04/2021 20:57

Even after you left/kicked out still wouldn't put you on the mortgage. I'd be thinking you're only back because you want half and even more so with all the marriage talk.

I'd be studying my arse off to improve my earning capability whilst working part time. And using any savings on move back out now.

Someone said up thread about telling daughter to not move in unless on deeds. I've told mind to be in control of their financial future and don't rely on anyone else to put a roof over your head. But they also know from their dad I lost everything when he fucked me over.

DarkMatterA2Z · 01/04/2021 20:57

I only want to be on it or married so we dont have to move out again if things did go wrong, i would absolutely sign something to say he gets everything he’s put into it I just dont want to have to move the children again really if the worst happened again
As last time we moved out with nothing

OP, he can't throw his own children out of the house. As their parent, he has a responsibility to them to house them and care for them.

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