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Original poster

Partner wont put me on mortgage

314 replies

Mynewusername1 · 01/04/2021 19:43

Would you expect your partner to put your name on the mortgage if you were in a long term relationship?
oh says its his money as hes worked hard he has a degree etc and saved up deposit
I work but only earn min wage not educated but pay towards bills food & holidays etc...

OP posts:
SpeakingFranglais · 01/04/2021 19:56

@Mynewusername1

We were together before he bought it, i would have liked to have saved and paid towards the deposit too. We have dc but he says i wanted them :-/ I don’t think I would have much of a career but still could work hard to pay for it...
i retract my previous statement.

in this case, I don't get your relationship.

MixedUpFiles · 01/04/2021 19:58

If we have children together I would expect to own half the house, regardless of who paid for the house. If there were some extraordinary circumstance I might consider an agreement that would ring fence some of the equity for a period to time, but not forever. If we spend 50
Years in that house together, I expect it to belong to both of us equally on the end.

Original poster
Mynewusername1 · 01/04/2021 19:59

@NoSquirrels they are primary school age
I have and he says maybe one day but then we’re not engaged and he rolls his eyes when i mention anything to do with it

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 01/04/2021 19:59

I still think he's within his rights to protect himself if you're not married and you didn't contribute to the deposit. I'm sure you know how hard it is to save up a deposit and buy a house. Not easy on your own.

canigooutyet · 01/04/2021 20:00

If you together before he bought it why didn't you both talk about a joint purchase?
Before the children came amongst was preventing you from saving towArds the deposit?

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 01/04/2021 20:00

He's protecting himself (and a selfish cunt).
Get rid.

diwrnachoflleyn · 01/04/2021 20:00

No. I wouldn't do that at all unless I was married at the least. 'Partner' means nothing legally. The hell I'd risk my biggest asset on a live-in lover.

mybonnieliesovertheocean2 · 01/04/2021 20:01

I didnt contribute to our deposit for the mortgage, however I had two of his DC by then and he saw me as an equal. I do pay half of the mortgage and whilst I dont earn as much as him I have a decent wage on my own.

Your not married, you have no assets, i would be getting a better job and moving on from him. Sounds like he wouldnt see his DC either given he thinks 'you wanted them'. He isnt going to marry you as knows that means you will be entitled to half.

StephenBelafonte · 01/04/2021 20:01

He saved up the deposit using money that he saved getting free childcare, ie, you.

Stripyhoglets1 · 01/04/2021 20:02

Yes if I had children. He's protecting himself nicely by not having you on the mortgage

RandomMess · 01/04/2021 20:02

I wouldn't want to be on the mortgage I'd want to be on the deeds though!

Sounds like he's not that committed to you.

NoSquirrels · 01/04/2021 20:02

[quote Mynewusername1]@NoSquirrels they are primary school age
I have and he says maybe one day but then we’re not engaged and he rolls his eyes when i mention anything to do with it[/quote]
He doesn’t want to share his money or assets with you.

I’d make an ultimatum, honestly. Get married ASAP (registry office as quickly and with as little fuss as possible) or you will leave.

Pyewackect · 01/04/2021 20:04

If it was my house, and I saved up for the deposit and paid the mortgage. Then NO.

harknesswitch · 01/04/2021 20:04

Why don't you save up and buy a house to rent out yourself?

StephenBelafonte · 01/04/2021 20:05

@NoSquirrels there's no way he's gonna marry the OP now. Why would he?

NailsNeedDoing · 01/04/2021 20:05

There’s nothing wrong with him protecting himself, it’s just the sensible thing that all adults should do if they have anything worth protecting. He’s doing the right thing by doing the vast majority of the providing for his children and their mother, he doesn’t have to sign over half of everything he’s ever worked for to be considered a good person.

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 01/04/2021 20:05

Honestly, no I wouldn't. I bought a flat when I was pregnant with DD, and as my partner at the time was trying to start a business, he wasn't on the mortgage and didn't contribute towards paying it. I was very pleased about that when he was made bankrupt shortly after walking out on me.

Magnificentmug12 · 01/04/2021 20:06

I would want to be on it if we had children together, but then I wouldn’t have children if I didn’t have a proper roof over my head, so you’ve been stupid there really.

You have 3 options.
Stay and hope he never kicks you out/cheats/your forced to tolerate abit behaviour
Leave and build yourself up (with kids in tow, no easy feat!)
Get married.

Women need to be educated better on what it actually means to have children!

RandomMess · 01/04/2021 20:06

Stop contributing as much to the household and start savings in your name.

Ironically you may be better off living on your own in rented accommodation!

Mum4Fergus · 01/04/2021 20:06

I wouldn't. My mortgage has always been in my sole name...nothing changed when we married. We've agreed that everything attained pre marriage was his or mine...anything post marriage is 'ours'. Almost everything I had pre marriage is in trust for my DS...DH won't inherit anything.

NoSquirrels · 01/04/2021 20:06

@StephenBelafonte

We have dc but he says i wanted them :-

In that case, he's a bit of a cunt isn't he? Leaving you to take the financial hit for the kids whilst he gets on and builds himself a nice little pile of assets, safe in the knowledge he's getting easy access to sex, children raised for free, financial help running the house and domestic chores carried out.

Read this again. Keep reading it.

You’re being taken advantage of and one day you may bitterly regret it.

If he leaves you, the older you are the more financially fucked you’ll be.

You have primary age kids in a long term relationship and no financial future security at all.

Get married or get rid.

diwrnachoflleyn · 01/04/2021 20:06

Oh, lord, hadn't read the full thread. I will never understand why so many women do this, give a man the full family treatment, jack in their earning potential and pension, become financially dependent on a man with absolutely FA commitment from him.

He doesn't want to share, OP, except sex of course and you do all the grunt work. That won't change. He's always been this way.

Bagelsandbrie · 01/04/2021 20:06

Wow his attitude to the dc is ShockHmm

I think when you have children together you should consider yourselves a family and therefore everything should be split equally, including spending money but that’s just my opinion. You could be left high and dry.

GinaJaffacake · 01/04/2021 20:06

If you were just an unmarried couple then I’d say, no. His house, his saved deposit etc.
However, you’re the mother of his children so that changes everything. Where does he see your relationship going? Have you talked about marriage? I presume as you have children then you both thought it was a lifelong commitment in which case why is he being such a wanker? If he doesn’t see it as a lifelong commitment then why the hell are you with him?
Why the hell do women keep having babies with men who are happy to fuck them over?

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 01/04/2021 20:07

Sorry, I hadn't read the whole thread properly. Ignore me. He's an idiot.

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