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Original poster

Please help me understand

241 replies

Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 14:09

Hi all
Just looking for opinion on this exchange between me and someone I fancy at work. I've never met him in person yet, he's in different location, senior to me but I'm not reporting to him. We meet in teams meetings a lot, lots of emails etc. I fancy him. I guess I was flirting with him but maybe subtly.
He's going through something very traumatic at the moment, old job related and it's in a public eye. I have been chatting to him about it, he was saying he really appreciate my support. He then said when we will meet in person, he will explain more about the situation.
Bit later I Said "anytime re support, just waiting for you to be" my location bound '. He replied only in June, I'm afraid, passing through my location a bit further. I've as what's in that location, he said one of our suppliers, he's meeting with them.

I've replied : don't we have suppliers in "my" location? That need urgent meeting?
He replied with laughing emoji, no further comment.
That conversation was late in the evening, outside of work hours.
After he didn't reply I felt I've overstepped just a friendly mark and tried to lighten up the situation by sending another message saying " anyway I'm not usually like this, but it's harmless isn't it"

He read that next morning, very early and didn't reply.
In the morning I have sent an email, he was cc'd in it and few minutes after, he sent me on my chat "completely harmless 😊"

I didn't even know what to say after that, took me half a day to reply. My reply was "you are a perfect gentleman, of course 😊"
His reply was an immidiate "and you are a perfect lady ☺️"
I replied " ill bite my tongue now 🙊"
He said "why is that? 😁"
I really carefully thought, for a while what to reply. It was "because there's something about you that makes me compromise my lady like composure ☺️"

He's reply was immidiate :" I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to. I'm very flattered. I do know - I'm blushing too ☺️ "
My reply was an hour later, about the weather and later" you've nothing to apologise for, it's all in my head "
He read, didn't reply immideatly, I thought that was it
Then in the evening he said" hope you'll have a nice weekend, I'll try not to work on both days "
I've replied with general chat about work, conversation gone until about 10 PM,but just work related stuff. At the end I've asked him where he grew up, making a joke about different accents, he replied explaining and I explained my background. He read last night and no contact since last night.
I don't really know what to do /how to approach this going forward.
Is he just being polite or there could be something there? I really fancy him ☺️

OP posts:
LavenderLollies · 27/03/2021 14:27

Oh god, I’m sorry but I cringed at this, you’re WAY too forward considering you’re trying to hit on a coworker who you’ve never even met! You’re coming across quite desperate, he knows you fancy him and isn’t making any moves whatsoever to try and get in touch and build a personal relationship, he’s maybe enjoyed passing the time a little but please leave it now and don’t message again, it will get even more awkward.

SandAndSea · 27/03/2021 14:31

I cringed too. I think he's let you know that he's not available.

litterbird · 27/03/2021 14:34

Oh gosh.....please dont write anything else....leave it well alone for now. If he wants to write back to you let him do that but please keep the work and flirting conversations very separate. It is a bit forthright for sure.

year5teacher · 27/03/2021 14:35

Considering you’ve never met him I would leave it. I am also sadly thinking the messages are very cringe. How old are you both? There will be men who are interested in you in real life so I would leave this one.

YouAintKingDingALing · 27/03/2021 14:36

Is he even single??
I'm also cringing at the messages you've sent to him.

Back away. He's clearly going through something major at the moment, you've never met, don't live in the same town and he doesn't sound interested at all.

Leave the man be!

Changemaname1 · 27/03/2021 14:39

Stop . Typing . 🤣 I think he either taken or not interested

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 27/03/2021 14:41

Oof. This was difficult reading... the cringe factor. In the kindest possible way, back off a bit.

HolyShitBatman · 27/03/2021 14:42

Oh god 🙈

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 14:45

How old are we both?

Definitely old enough to know better, for sure.

Taking the whole thing out of context I've not met him etc, a bit rubbish..

I've started my job in lockdown, I've not met any of my team in person yet, in fact out of about 25 people I'm on nearly daily calls with, I've met only 3 in person briefly on my 1st day at work picking up the kit. That doesn't mean I've not built strong friendship /contact.

Take the point though, I'll leave him alone.
That's what I needed shaking into me, thanks all

OP posts:
user20211 · 27/03/2021 14:46

Oh god! Stop typing/emailing/messaging him. Just stop.

He's not interested.

DramaAlpaca · 27/03/2021 14:49

Oh dear, you pushed it a bit too far there Shock

willithappen · 27/03/2021 14:50

Was there any communication before this for you to get on that level? Out of context it does read a bit cringe, especially if this is your first dip in the waTer with trying this with him

If there were other similar instances then could be different. Do you know if he is single?

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 14:57

Of course there were a lot of communication. He used to send me thank you emails, replying to me directly out of group comms, during weekends, asking what I'm up to how is it going, etc, lots of joking around. It was never restricted to just strictly work and no personal touch.

OP posts:
iMatter · 27/03/2021 15:11

Eek.

Leave it.

I'm actually cringing reading that.

Inthefuture · 27/03/2021 15:18

You have made it very obvious you are interested. I would back off now.

autumnalrain · 27/03/2021 16:21

Is this a wind up? Surely this is not real?

Superfoodie123 · 27/03/2021 16:30

Omg OP that's awkward

WarmKitty · 27/03/2021 16:40

Either in a relationship or if definitely single, concerned about messaging from work email. Were all exchanges over work email?

Your second post though he does sounds really friendly. Just sit back on it a bit and see. Smile

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 18:18

Firstly comms over email, since about a week teams work chat.

OP posts:
CloudFormations · 27/03/2021 18:22

Oh god, that really made my toes curl. I think anyone’s flirty chat would have that effect though.

SylviaPlath1984 · 27/03/2021 18:29

Oh god, stop, please stop!

Put the laptop in the microwave, move country to somewhere with no internet, anything to make sure you never send messages like that again 😩

customwatkins · 27/03/2021 18:30

Is he single?

I think you've made your interest clear (quite bold but nothing at all to be embarrassed about) - ball's in his court now. Just play it cool now, friendly and professional, let him reach out first and set the tone.

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 18:44

Sylvia

Why don't you delete mumsnet app instead and don't put comments like that on if you nothing constructive to add?

I'm already hugely embarrassed

He's lovely and always been, I'm sure it's all fine and will be fine.

He's very senior level though and the timing is absolutely shit to be honest, he's in public eye for all the wrong reasons and when I realised its him being under scrutiny heavily, I could not believe, as he is great, intelligent,always on top of his game so probably at that point it crossed to a bit inappropriate, on my side. When you support someone and they are genuinely appreciate your presence, and said so many times.

Anyway case closed.

Thanks for all your input

OP posts:
WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 27/03/2021 18:51

@Teensandfuture

There's nothing wrong with your chat. It's a bit cringe to read because other people's flirting chat always is. He seems keen enough. Don't let half a dozen people here put you off.

SylviaPlath1984 · 27/03/2021 18:54

@Teensandfuture

Sylvia

Why don't you delete mumsnet app instead and don't put comments like that on if you nothing constructive to add?

I'm already hugely embarrassed

He's lovely and always been, I'm sure it's all fine and will be fine.

He's very senior level though and the timing is absolutely shit to be honest, he's in public eye for all the wrong reasons and when I realised its him being under scrutiny heavily, I could not believe, as he is great, intelligent,always on top of his game so probably at that point it crossed to a bit inappropriate, on my side. When you support someone and they are genuinely appreciate your presence, and said so many times.

Anyway case closed.

Thanks for all your input

Oh please!

You're a grown woman, you must understand how those messages come across!? Where's the cool allure, the air of hard to get, the sense of self worth???

You've thrown yourself at his feet and given him the opportunity to be the cool aloof one after you've played all your cards... that's entirely cringe worthy to me, and I'm sorry if that's offensive to you.

Just tone it down and stop with the OTT fan girling, it's not becoming of a grown professional woman.