Please help me understand

[Teensandfuture]

Hi all
Just looking for opinion on this exchange between me and someone I fancy at work. I've never met him in person yet, he's in different location, senior to me but I'm not reporting to him. We meet in teams meetings a lot, lots of emails etc. I fancy him. I guess I was flirting with him but maybe subtly.
He's going through something very traumatic at the moment, old job related and it's in a public eye. I have been chatting to him about it, he was saying he really appreciate my support. He then said when we will meet in person, he will explain more about the situation.
Bit later I Said "anytime re support, just waiting for you to be" my location bound '. He replied only in June, I'm afraid, passing through my location a bit further. I've as what's in that location, he said one of our suppliers, he's meeting with them.

I've replied : don't we have suppliers in "my" location? That need urgent meeting?
He replied with laughing emoji, no further comment.
That conversation was late in the evening, outside of work hours.
After he didn't reply I felt I've overstepped just a friendly mark and tried to lighten up the situation by sending another message saying " anyway I'm not usually like this, but it's harmless isn't it"

He read that next morning, very early and didn't reply.
In the morning I have sent an email, he was cc'd in it and few minutes after, he sent me on my chat "completely harmless 😊"

I didn't even know what to say after that, took me half a day to reply. My reply was "you are a perfect gentleman, of course 😊"
His reply was an immidiate "and you are a perfect lady ☺️"
I replied " ill bite my tongue now 🙊"
He said "why is that? 😁"
I really carefully thought, for a while what to reply. It was "because there's something about you that makes me compromise my lady like composure ☺️"

He's reply was immidiate :" I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to. I'm very flattered. I do know - I'm blushing too ☺️ "
My reply was an hour later, about the weather and later" you've nothing to apologise for, it's all in my head "
He read, didn't reply immideatly, I thought that was it
Then in the evening he said" hope you'll have a nice weekend, I'll try not to work on both days "
I've replied with general chat about work, conversation gone until about 10 PM,but just work related stuff. At the end I've asked him where he grew up, making a joke about different accents, he replied explaining and I explained my background. He read last night and no contact since last night.
I don't really know what to do /how to approach this going forward.
Is he just being polite or there could be something there? I really fancy him ☺️

Oh my. 🤭

@Teensandfuture

Oh and I'm now apparently easy

Thanks so much mumsnet

Comments most likely coming from housewifes of alpha males, convinced its them enabling husbands careers by washing their socks and ironing their shirts 😂

Wow! Just wow! So who is being insulting here and judging? You literally posted your conversation asking for comments / opinions on it and now insulting the posters who are telling you how cringe this whole thing is.

Love, a sock ironing, utterly unambitious and boring housewife xx

He clearly said on 2 separate occasions please don't leave and I'm pleased you are staying

He doesn't want you to leave because it'd be bad for the company, not because he likes you. Stop reading into messages. You've made yourself look silly at best and a horny desperate slightly deranged employee at worst.

It’s hard to know op. I think I would have stopped after he said he wouldn’t be in my location until June ( therefore, not too keen to meet) As it is now, I wouldn’t instigate any more conversations, flirt etc and definitely not on work platforms. He knows you like him so if he reaches out to you and makes the moves than fair enough.
If you instigate any further you can get into dubious territory, where he feels compelled to reply and be friendly to avoid work awkwardness (especially if he relies on you at work for opinions etc) you don’t want to be an added worry on top of his other issue.
I don’t think it’s necessary to attack the women on here who are giving you feedback. Most women these days are or have been career women and even if not why is there opinion any less valuable than someone who is an alpha female type. I’d avoid insulting people

He doesn't want you to leave because it'd be bad for the company, not because he likes you

Yes, and my comment was in reply to someone stating I should be fearing being let go because he'll complain to HR.

Their

Despite the countless messages telling you he is not interested, and you need to back off, you cannot seem to let this go. You're determined to convince posters and yourself that he fancies you, and kept the conversation going, not you.
Op, the messages In your op are really inappropriate and cringey. Dress it up anyway you like, he carried on replying because you were asking leading questions, coming on strongly, and embarrassing him. You seem to be convinced he's keen, so carry on. It's incredibly unprofessional and you are going to embarrass yourself if you continue, but you absolutely will not take no for an answer on this, from you previous posts. The Googling several times, matched with the messages, it's obsessive and downright creepy. I have no idea why you posted as you dismiss anyone's opinion, I wish you luck op, but don't be surprised if he complains to HR for what is verging on harassment, or eventually ignores you completely. Just stop.

I think lockdown has affected people badly and people do are doing weird things. He may like you he may just be bored. We don't know...

However
It is a bit cringe to read and I would never have this on my IM transcripts.
I can't believe as a "senior professional" you would do this.
I am an "almost senior professional" and agree with all the '"sock washing wimmin" about this.

You are not established in role and unless you don't like the job and are happy to move you should stop barking up that tree.

I think you've made it very obvious to him you like him. He hasn't really acted on it although still chatty to you - could be an ego boost for him nothing more but who knows. I thought the comment about not thinking about work over the weekend was a subtle hint for you not to contact him.

Anyway I think you've made it clear so leave it now.

Also as others have said don't use work devices for personal and borderline flirty comms. You'd both get in trouble for that not just him.

I'm sorry I might have missed it but is he even single?

I'm sorry I might have missed it but is he even single?

I think posters have asked but as far as I can tell it's not been answered yet. Or if it has, I missed it too 🤷🏼‍♀️

It's not as bad as some posters are making out.

He didn't shut it down strongly, he even asked "why is that?" when op said she'd have to bite her tongue from that point.

However .. this sort of communication needs to be off work platforms. If you're going to continue anything similar, say you'd prefer to chat on personal.whstsapo or whatever of not strictly about work. If he doesn't meet you half way on that suggestion .. no further flirtatious stuff at all.

It's also v important to establish if he's not single - which is quite probable. Not worth wasting a minute's more thought on if he isn't.

I'm not sure what the legal/he situation is if he does agree to.chat on personal messenger etc and you are flirtatious on there btw.

Ive only really read your replies OP but I think you knew deep down and wanted confirmation. Just play it cool and wait for him now. If he moves it over to private messaging you’ll know. Unfortunately because of the times we are in this does he/doesn’t he situation is going on longer than it would normally. Maybe he’s happy with the flirty casual messages until you actually meet and see if there’s any in person chemistry?

Either way I agree with a PP, nothing ventured nothing gained, only you know the set up at work and how awkward things will be. Just play it cool and wait for him

Avree with everything marshmallow says

I've already said I don't know if he's single

@Teensandfuture

I've already said I don't know if he's single

Why wouldn’t that be one of the first things you find out before inappropriately flirting with somebody?

Emily

And how exactly do I do that?

I've tried leading the conversation in the way he'd mention wife or SO, but zilch.

Can't find any SM online to help figure out, only professional info and that bad publicity I've already mentioned

@Teensandfuture

I've already said I don't know if he's single

If you don’t know he’s single and you don’t know he’s straight you shouldn’t have started it in the first place. You have no boundaries.

@Teensandfuture

Emily

And how exactly do I do that?

I've tried leading the conversation in the way he'd mention wife or SO, but zilch.

Can't find any SM online to help figure out, only professional info and that bad publicity I've already mentioned

You ask. It’s not that hard.

Stop playing games and being coy.

I agree. I need to know if someone is single before I start flirting in the first place !

Well I've been working yesterday, sent a bunch of emails out (nothing unusual, happens every weekend), one to him, cc'd assistant, he just replied, to all, to that email.

He's working and I'm working but no chatting.

I guess that's it, I won't ever initiate off email communication and even if he'll be friendly, I'd just try keep my contacts to replies so it will shut developing in conversation again.

Agree with other posters in that it comes across you are coming on very strong.

However that's not to say he isn't interested. Leave the ball in his court now and step back. I think you have made it obvious you are interested so it's up to him now if he wants to reciprocate and for example, ask for your private number.

But be very careful OP.... stuff like this at work doesn't always end well. Protect yourself and do not cross any more lines.

@Teensandfuture

Well I've been working yesterday, sent a bunch of emails out (nothing unusual, happens every weekend), one to him, cc'd assistant, he just replied, to all, to that email.

He's working and I'm working but no chatting.

I guess that's it, I won't ever initiate off email communication and even if he'll be friendly, I'd just try keep my contacts to replies so it will shut developing in conversation again.

Ah OP. I actually think you've been given a hard time on this thread so props to you for keeping us updated.

I do agree with PP's though... I imagine he's married and is enjoying your messages because it's an ego boost, but will likely back off it it becomes a little too real. I don't think he's genuinely interested. I don't think there's anything wrong with a bit of harmless flirtation to pass the day so long as boundaries aren't crossed, but I think chatting away all evening on Friday was a little intense, especially if you do like him... you're just going end up getting burned.

Best thing to do now is bring it back to a professional, detached level (as you've suggested)

Gosh, I’m for once not sure what to say.

Op your anger and lashing out on here is unwarranted. You asked and were told. Not liking it doesn’t change it.

As for what you’ve being doing to this man, it is not subtle flirting. It’s total hitting on him. He has been polite and declined you. Subtly without causing offence but he’s told you he is not interested. Accept it

Also accept if this was a man propositioning a woman like this in the work place he would be done for sexual harassment.

Part of me is impressed you’d so openly go after a co worker. Part of me appalled that you were unable to take the hint.

Your behaviour has become inappropriate. Deeply so. Keep the lid on it now. Try dating apps if your desperate. But leave him alone.

Bluntness

Most of the time your views aren't balanced so I'll take this one with a pinch of salt as well.

I've been flirted with by work colleagues before, even worse been said to me then what I have(comments on my body parts etc) , and I didn't taken that's as harassment. If I didn't want to be engaging, I'd shut it down immideatly, by ignoring and not replying.

If the person engaging with conversation with me all evening, after my feelings been made clear, he'd no leg to stand on to say I'm being harassed and I don't think he's thinking that either. It's you lot are.

Stop saying it's black and white when it's clearly isn't

Oh my good god, this is so inappropriate. And embarrassing. It's like you've got your own narrative going on in your head and you're replying to that rather than the real person who is on the receiving end of your desperation. It's like flirting with a brick wall and expecting something to come of it but at least a brick wall isn't going to feel sexually harassed in the workplace.