Please help me understand

[Teensandfuture]

Hi all
Just looking for opinion on this exchange between me and someone I fancy at work. I've never met him in person yet, he's in different location, senior to me but I'm not reporting to him. We meet in teams meetings a lot, lots of emails etc. I fancy him. I guess I was flirting with him but maybe subtly.
He's going through something very traumatic at the moment, old job related and it's in a public eye. I have been chatting to him about it, he was saying he really appreciate my support. He then said when we will meet in person, he will explain more about the situation.
Bit later I Said "anytime re support, just waiting for you to be" my location bound '. He replied only in June, I'm afraid, passing through my location a bit further. I've as what's in that location, he said one of our suppliers, he's meeting with them.

I've replied : don't we have suppliers in "my" location? That need urgent meeting?
He replied with laughing emoji, no further comment.
That conversation was late in the evening, outside of work hours.
After he didn't reply I felt I've overstepped just a friendly mark and tried to lighten up the situation by sending another message saying " anyway I'm not usually like this, but it's harmless isn't it"

He read that next morning, very early and didn't reply.
In the morning I have sent an email, he was cc'd in it and few minutes after, he sent me on my chat "completely harmless 😊"

I didn't even know what to say after that, took me half a day to reply. My reply was "you are a perfect gentleman, of course 😊"
His reply was an immidiate "and you are a perfect lady ☺️"
I replied " ill bite my tongue now 🙊"
He said "why is that? 😁"
I really carefully thought, for a while what to reply. It was "because there's something about you that makes me compromise my lady like composure ☺️"

He's reply was immidiate :" I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to. I'm very flattered. I do know - I'm blushing too ☺️ "
My reply was an hour later, about the weather and later" you've nothing to apologise for, it's all in my head "
He read, didn't reply immideatly, I thought that was it
Then in the evening he said" hope you'll have a nice weekend, I'll try not to work on both days "
I've replied with general chat about work, conversation gone until about 10 PM,but just work related stuff. At the end I've asked him where he grew up, making a joke about different accents, he replied explaining and I explained my background. He read last night and no contact since last night.
I don't really know what to do /how to approach this going forward.
Is he just being polite or there could be something there? I really fancy him ☺️

@Teensandfuture why is it you're feeling shit??

Best case he's had a days training then off for the Bank Holiday. Worst case he is getting investigated for his previous job?

This seems to go way beyond a crush?!

Or are you worried they check his systems and see your messages? I didn't think you were worried about anything you had sent? Is this what you're now worried about?

Maybe he's been ill with the shits or something

Why the drama? He's an adult. You're not married to him or in a relationship. He's simply a work colleague. You know nothing about his home life. Just leave him be and step back.

Erm, he's probably spending Easter weekend with his family...?

It's absurd to get so wrapped up in desire for someone you have never actually met and know nothing about!

I'm not worried about my messages.

I just don't want him to leave or be in trouble.

It's very atypical that's all.

Guess I've seen too much of this sort of occurrence already, from previous place I've worked at: people just seem to disappear without warning ,so assuming worst. I've actually had same done to me - I was made redundant and hf hr after redundancy announcement I was logged out of all systems (financial services).

This does seem a bit obsessive now OP. He may be off, may be investigated, may have gone on holiday, may have been sacked....either way, surely if he wanted you to know, he would have let you know. Until he does, you really should let this go...

Now you sound both obsessed and paranoid. It’s work. Not life. He’s a colleague. Not a soulmate.

My gut feeling is that he's blocking you particularly because you made him uncomfortable by acting unprofessionally.

You really need to let this go know. I know a lot of people have said you've been given a hard time but I'm sorry op, this is beyond obsessive. Why are you constantly checking when he's online and asking others where he is?
Maybe he's with his wife, or maybe, he's blocked or avoiding you as he feels uncomfortable.
Please stop contacting him unless necessary for work. He's gone days with no contact, he really isn't interested and you need to stop before you get into trouble.
You're close to stalking territory.

I'm not contacting him unless it's needed for work

I'm not blocked either, he's offline. And he can't block me anyway, anyone suggesting he did is beyond stupid.

As I said, it's atypical for him to be offline - this is a man working weekends, online until bedtime most days.

There's nothing in my correspondence with him, any longer, that could be seen anything than work related. I'm not worried about a thing.
I'm also fairly sure he's not avoiding me.

And I can ask other people if he's in work or not, I'm doing it with others too I need to get hold of, nothing weird about that.

Somehow everything I say is taken out of context here on MN, maybe I speak alien language

He clearly doesn’t want to be talking to you at the weekend or just before bedtime OP.
You are way too invested in this.
He appears to have backed way off. Do the same.
It’s a Bank Hol weekend. You shouldn’t be spending it obsessing about a work colleague.

@Teensandfuture

I feel shit.

Something isn't right, something happened.

I've had emails exchange with him on Tuesday and brief chat, for a very specific work query,on teams, I've messaged last asking a question, basically either I should take action or he will do, to set a process, as its better if comms come from him,will have more weight to it..
He never replied.

Then he didn't appear on chat since a bit later that day. It's next to impossible in our work situation not to be present on teams , as all meetings there . No out of office message, nothing, just last seen Tuesday afternoon.

Yesterday I've asked someone in his team if he's on holiday or at work. I've been told he's at work in a hf a day health and safety meeting.

He still didn't appear online after that supposed meeting finished.

He's appeared out of office, today, - says for next 8 hours, looks like default settings on out of office only.

I now think he either left or under some procedure with no access to systems.

My gut feeling it's that corporate investigation re previous job somehow.

Can't message him asking if everything is OK, because my concern will sound mental if everything IS OK.

Or perhaps nothing has happened for you to feel shit about?

Perhaps he has taken leave for the Easter bank holiday?

Either way, I do think you are over invested in him.

It’s a mystery, so just make up something that makes you feel better, not worse. I do this all the time when I don’t know the truth.

So in this scenario, let’s say that he’s having to spend the weekend having emergency laser-removal, after having your name tattooed on his forehead. He initially did it as a romantic gesture, but then his PR adviser said it’d look bad for his Covid briefing on Monday. After it’s removed, he’s going to have a more discreet tat of your face on his left buttock. And all those racy messages on his right. ;-)

There. Now you can sleep. :)

I really think you need to drop it and just get on with your job.

@Teensandfuture

I'm not contacting him unless it's needed for work

I'm not blocked either, he's offline. And he can't block me anyway, anyone suggesting he did is beyond stupid.

As I said, it's atypical for him to be offline - this is a man working weekends, online until bedtime most days.

There's nothing in my correspondence with him, any longer, that could be seen anything than work related. I'm not worried about a thing.
I'm also fairly sure he's not avoiding me.

And I can ask other people if he's in work or not, I'm doing it with others too I need to get hold of, nothing weird about that.

Somehow everything I say is taken out of context here on MN, maybe I speak alien language

"Can't message him asking if everything is OK, because my concern will sound mental if everything IS OK"

@Teensandfuture You LITERALLY said you were concerned - that YOU HAVE A CONCERN. And it does sound mental to the overwhelming majority I'd say. But even you admit that so I really don't understand why you are soooo defensive?! 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

Wow lots of joyless people responding to this thread. It's fine, just comes across as light hearted flirting in a really odd time where people aren't meeting irl, I'd give everyone quite a bit of leeway. OP just this exchange is more fun than many of my married friends have had this year as they're at each other's throats!! Might fizzle out, not the end of the world. However, yes maybe it was a bit much going through the official channel. Also full disclosure I don't work in the corporate world so maybe don't fully grasp if that's totally inappropriate.

thatother

😂😂😂

No all joyless here by the looks

pears

Yes, I bloody am concerned if he's ok

I already explained why.

Can't go into details of this corporate trouble, but I'm sure everyone on here heard of it in some shape or form, not a minor thing.

Anyway, can't do anything, will enjoy the rest of my long weekend and wishing you all lovely posters the same. And wishing the joyless ones to lighten up a bit 😊

@Teensandfuture

pears

Yes, I bloody am concerned if he's ok

I already explained why.

Can't go into details of this corporate trouble, but I'm sure everyone on here heard of it in some shape or form, not a minor thing.

Anyway, can't do anything, will enjoy the rest of my long weekend and wishing you all lovely posters the same. And wishing the joyless ones to lighten up a bit 😊

😂😂😂 Ok, you do that 😂😂😂

I think everyone is just wondering why you are so concerned. I totally get if you had a crush but it's bit normal to be this invested and concerned about a crush.

I'm not saying he's completely dis-interested but he's hardly enthusiastic. In one of your earlier posts he mentioned he'd see you in passing and you said you would be working from home and it was an hour away. A guy who is interested in a girl would easily drive a hour to see her so to me that is your answer (as well as him changing the subject when your texts get too flirty).

Therefore the scenario is you have a guy who at best is mildly interested in you but either married or being careful at work so why are you so invested?

I don't even think you could even class this guy as a friend as there are basic things you don't know about each other, e.g. relationship status

I'm not having a go and I've said before I didn't think your behaviour was as bad as some other PPs have made out, but I do feel this is becoming obsessive

Also, I'd imagine if he's in the public eye as much as you say and in as senior a role as you suggest it'd be pretty easy to find out if he's married or not?

Can't go into details of this corporate trouble, but I'm sure everyone on here heard of it in some shape or form, not a minor thing.

Is he the captain of the Ever Given?

But you don't know him and he didn't give a shit about you, so why on earth are you so concerned about him?

Good grief, just read this for first time. If he is senior maybe there are other work priorities, not involving you, or he has a personal life with other commitments and took time off. It is really not healthy for you to be so hung up about him or his presence, or otherwise, online. Take time out to refocus. You are running the risk of making yourself look foolish and immature. If your role is relatively recent you may even be risking your job.

Why say he can't block you OP?