Please help me understand

[Teensandfuture]

Hi all
Just looking for opinion on this exchange between me and someone I fancy at work. I've never met him in person yet, he's in different location, senior to me but I'm not reporting to him. We meet in teams meetings a lot, lots of emails etc. I fancy him. I guess I was flirting with him but maybe subtly.
He's going through something very traumatic at the moment, old job related and it's in a public eye. I have been chatting to him about it, he was saying he really appreciate my support. He then said when we will meet in person, he will explain more about the situation.
Bit later I Said "anytime re support, just waiting for you to be" my location bound '. He replied only in June, I'm afraid, passing through my location a bit further. I've as what's in that location, he said one of our suppliers, he's meeting with them.

I've replied : don't we have suppliers in "my" location? That need urgent meeting?
He replied with laughing emoji, no further comment.
That conversation was late in the evening, outside of work hours.
After he didn't reply I felt I've overstepped just a friendly mark and tried to lighten up the situation by sending another message saying " anyway I'm not usually like this, but it's harmless isn't it"

He read that next morning, very early and didn't reply.
In the morning I have sent an email, he was cc'd in it and few minutes after, he sent me on my chat "completely harmless 😊"

I didn't even know what to say after that, took me half a day to reply. My reply was "you are a perfect gentleman, of course 😊"
His reply was an immidiate "and you are a perfect lady ☺️"
I replied " ill bite my tongue now 🙊"
He said "why is that? 😁"
I really carefully thought, for a while what to reply. It was "because there's something about you that makes me compromise my lady like composure ☺️"

He's reply was immidiate :" I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to. I'm very flattered. I do know - I'm blushing too ☺️ "
My reply was an hour later, about the weather and later" you've nothing to apologise for, it's all in my head "
He read, didn't reply immideatly, I thought that was it
Then in the evening he said" hope you'll have a nice weekend, I'll try not to work on both days "
I've replied with general chat about work, conversation gone until about 10 PM,but just work related stuff. At the end I've asked him where he grew up, making a joke about different accents, he replied explaining and I explained my background. He read last night and no contact since last night.
I don't really know what to do /how to approach this going forward.
Is he just being polite or there could be something there? I really fancy him ☺️

I am sorry it was this:

He's reply was immidiate :" I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to. I'm very flattered. I do know - I'm blushing too ☺️ "

This says to me he is in a relationship and doesn’t want to pursue it.
I agree with all the other posters to leave it now. But nothing ventured nothing gained!!

Chalk it up to lock down fever and walk away. If he wants you, he will come get you.

Thanks Ilove

Think you're right, that was my immediate understanding too and I'd thought he'd leave it after that

His further engaging in chatting after that comment at 4 pm, resuming at 5pm until 10 pm really confused me though.

I guess I should have left it myself.

I'm definitely leaving it now.

Why does going after a guy she fancies directly reflect on her apparent lack of self respect?!
Seriously, what century is this?
Personally, I think you've done nothing wrong. I think you've kept it light and flirty, which is perfectly fine!
That said he doesn't seem to be responding in the same manner.
Only you know what the chemistry is like between the pair of you. Perhaps he has a lot of his plate atm with everything he's currently going though, or maybe it is that he doesn't feel the same way. Either way, I'd try keeping the cards a little closer to your chest for a awhile. See how the dust settles.
He knows how you feel, see how things play out.

Why does going after a guy she fancies directly reflect on her apparent lack of self respect?!

It doesn't in a normal situation, but this guy is a work colleague and it's incredibly inappropriate. If I was getting messages like this from a guy at work, I'd report him for harassment.

Also if he was interested, he wouldn't be leaving hours in between messages. Take the hint, OP and leave him alone.

Where did you see him leaving hours between messages?? I haven't said that at all. Incredible how people are misinterpreting what's said. He would actually reply even if he is in a meeting during the day, and his schedule is probably twice as busy as mine (always struggling put meetings in, have to schedule weeks in advance as calendar full) , when actually showing in red, which means he's in a call. Im the one leaving it hours, thinking what to reply and actually working, in meetings myself . The only time he'd leave it, was late in the evening.

He is being cool I think - detached and polite.. Don’t take it personally. He may be preoccupied with this work problem. He may not want a long-distance thing. He may be in a relationship. He may be against workplace romances. Lots of reasons! Don’t worry and don’t be embarrassed.

From your OP;

He read, didn't reply immideatly, I thought that was it
Then in the evening he said" hope you'll have a nice weekend, I'll try not to work on both days

And that was just one of the examples you gave where he left you on read. He's not exactly trying to keep the flirty conversation going is he?

But you seem determined to ignore what the majority of posters are telling you, so good luck. Enjoy flogging that dead horse.

Andrea

I've sent that message at 4 pm, he read it, he was in red meaning in the meeting/on a call. He then became available in his status again around 4 30,didn't message me. I thought that was it.
He then messaged me at 5 pm, when his working day officially finished and carried on chatting from 5 till 10 pm
He really didn't have to chat with me on a Friday evening after work

@Teensandfuture

Oh and I'm now apparently easy

Thanks so much mumsnet

Comments most likely coming from housewifes of alpha males, convinced its them enabling husbands careers by washing their socks and ironing their shirts 😂

What a misogynistic thing to say. It doesn't reflect well on you.

What a weird thread anyway. I don't get this sharing of conversations for public analysis. Flirting with someone senior is a bold but unprofessional move, especially via a workplace platform.

Flirting with someone senior is a bold but unprofessional move

As I already said, I don't report to him in any way

Different management chain, say finance and operations management. We meet in meetings a lot, but he's not MY senior

At least it is more interestint than the most usaual threads these days.

You sound ridiculous and desperate OP. Since when does someone talking to you mean they have a sexual interest in you? What a huge assumption and if this had been a reverse people would probably be telling you to go to hr

You have said a few times he's replying to your messages. He's just being polite probably whilst he is another meeting. You are the one starting the conversation and contact. Stop it.

OK replying, messaging it doesn't matter.
Just a turn of phrase. He's responding /asking questions/communicating in a suitable time frame, without evidence to suggest he's not interested in conversation.

I don't assume he has sexual interest in me.

He's the one suggested he'll come to my location at some point. The conversation was actually like this:When we'll meet in person etc,ill tell you about (the issue with work) . It was implied we'll meet for sure in HQ I'm officially based at, which he will be quite often at post lockdown. I've said HQ is an hr away from me and I'm planning to stay home based. To which he later replied, OK when I'm in your location next, I'll be there at some point.

It was basically meant meeting for a drink, at least, not in work environment.

It's after that prelude of conversation this exchange I've described has happened.

I'm actually convinced now he'll message me 1st thing on Monday morning asking how was my weekend.

Whatever it is, he's not being harassed, and I'm not desperate.

I don't know, he seems quite interested to me. can't think of any man who would chat to someone for 5 hours on a Friday evening if he wasn't interested!

Please stop messaging him, it sounds like he's been clear as Crystal. He knows you like him, he's flattered but also embarrassed. He wouldn't be embarrassed if he likes you too. He'd be glad.

All your words

Just looking for opinion on this exchange between me and someone I fancy at work.
I've never met him in person yet
I guess I was flirting with him but maybe subtly I Said "anytime re support, just waiting for you to be" my location bound '.
He replied only in June, I'm afraid
I've replied : don't we have suppliers in "my" location? That need urgent meeting?
He replied with laughing emoji, no further comment
After he didn't reply I felt I've overstepped just a friendly mark and tried to lighten up the situation by sending another message saying " anyway I'm not usually like this, but it's harmless isn't it"
He read that next morning, very early and didn't reply.
In the morning I have sent an email, he was cc'd in it
My reply was "you are a perfect gentleman, of course 😊"
I really carefully thought, for a while what to reply. It was "because there's something about you that makes me compromise my lady like composure ☺️"

He's reply was immidiate :". I do know
Is he just being polite or there could be something there? I really fancy him ☺️

---

You are the one who asked if he could have an urgent meeting in your area. I hate to think what your definition of flirting is if you think all of the above was subtle

And next time don't ask a question on here if you don't want to know the answer

Get a vibrator & step away from the computer!

OMG. Your communications are now saved on the company computer system. Cringe.

Don't get annoyed by the responses you doing wrong and the messages are cringe.

Who starts a new job and hits on someone they have never met within a short space of time
Of course a co worker emails and thanks you it is respectful to and professional.
Why get involved with someone this way in a new job when it is so cringe to me that he is more senior to you.. how convienent
I bet someone else will know via him.

Please don't use work systems for this cringe fest.

If he is in to you OP he will find a way to be passing through to test the water in person. Let him do the chasing from now on and see if that visit occurs! Keep us posted! and no more cringey messaging

@Teensandfuture

Well that's your stereotyping something here. I'm in a serious job and more often than not he's listening to my advice, I've been challenging him on good few occasions and said no, can't be done what you're saying is incorrect . Definitely don't come across as a smitten secretary.

I've never dated work colleague before and maybe 2nd time in my life I've actually shown interest in someone I know through work.

Serious job 😂 If another con worker read your emails, messsges?

@gutful

Get a vibrator & step away from the computer!

😂😂😂 This is hilarious This thread is so ott I would go iron or fold some socks but I didn't chat anyone up via my work email🤭

@Teensandfuture

Oh and I'm now apparently easy

Thanks so much mumsnet

Comments most likely coming from housewifes of alpha males, convinced its them enabling husbands careers by washing their socks and ironing their shirts 😂

.... O..Kaaaay then..... 🤨