Please help me understand

[Teensandfuture]

Hi all
Just looking for opinion on this exchange between me and someone I fancy at work. I've never met him in person yet, he's in different location, senior to me but I'm not reporting to him. We meet in teams meetings a lot, lots of emails etc. I fancy him. I guess I was flirting with him but maybe subtly.
He's going through something very traumatic at the moment, old job related and it's in a public eye. I have been chatting to him about it, he was saying he really appreciate my support. He then said when we will meet in person, he will explain more about the situation.
Bit later I Said "anytime re support, just waiting for you to be" my location bound '. He replied only in June, I'm afraid, passing through my location a bit further. I've as what's in that location, he said one of our suppliers, he's meeting with them.

I've replied : don't we have suppliers in "my" location? That need urgent meeting?
He replied with laughing emoji, no further comment.
That conversation was late in the evening, outside of work hours.
After he didn't reply I felt I've overstepped just a friendly mark and tried to lighten up the situation by sending another message saying " anyway I'm not usually like this, but it's harmless isn't it"

He read that next morning, very early and didn't reply.
In the morning I have sent an email, he was cc'd in it and few minutes after, he sent me on my chat "completely harmless 😊"

I didn't even know what to say after that, took me half a day to reply. My reply was "you are a perfect gentleman, of course 😊"
His reply was an immidiate "and you are a perfect lady ☺️"
I replied " ill bite my tongue now 🙊"
He said "why is that? 😁"
I really carefully thought, for a while what to reply. It was "because there's something about you that makes me compromise my lady like composure ☺️"

He's reply was immidiate :" I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to. I'm very flattered. I do know - I'm blushing too ☺️ "
My reply was an hour later, about the weather and later" you've nothing to apologise for, it's all in my head "
He read, didn't reply immideatly, I thought that was it
Then in the evening he said" hope you'll have a nice weekend, I'll try not to work on both days "
I've replied with general chat about work, conversation gone until about 10 PM,but just work related stuff. At the end I've asked him where he grew up, making a joke about different accents, he replied explaining and I explained my background. He read last night and no contact since last night.
I don't really know what to do /how to approach this going forward.
Is he just being polite or there could be something there? I really fancy him ☺️

Lizs

I'm not risking my job

I'm a well thought after candidate, I've had 4 job offers within 2 days last time I was on the job market.

Please I'm not at risk, I'm a technical professional that does a good job, and ultimately I'm not worried about a thing on that front.

Yes, I should not be worried that much about him and I thought I already explained that I'll enjoy my weekend and will calm down on overthinking.

You have more self control than me! I couldn't bear to left in limbo and I think I'd probably be messaging to see if he's ok. Like I say, little to no self control here 😂

G3

As I said I don't want to be seen mental and I don't have his number. It's better MN sees me mental than he does
I have him as LinkedIn contact - the only means to contact him outside of work , we did exchange one message each in February on that platform but after all that happened recently it really is best next comms come from him, if ever.

Somehow everything I say is taken out of context here on MN, maybe I speak alien language

While I don't want to be unkind as you are feeling fragile at the moment, if almost everyone is perceiving your behaviour to be obsessive and unhealthy, isn't it worth considering that they might be correct rather than writing them off as taking 'everything' you say out of context?

I think you're being given a really hard time here, OP.

Whilst I thought the initial messages were a little cringe (which you've already accepted), you've acknowledged that and backed off.

For people to suggest you're bordering on obsessed for noticing his Teams activity is very unkind, and I'd hope that they're only suggesting this because they don't use Teams themselves and know how it works.

My Teams shows around 15 chats on my left-hand bar, my 15 most recent. Next to their time, their status will always show; available, away, in a call, offline etc. I notice several different peoples' statuses several times a day, just by glancing at my chat bar when going to message somebody. It's certainly not stalkerish behaviour. Also, if it's somebody I chat to on a regular, then I'd notice it even more.

I have a friend at work who I've never met either, as he started when I was on maternity leave and I haven't been back since due to working from home. I can hand on heart say that he's one of my closest friends at work now. We talk daily, because our two roles feed into one another, and though there's no romantic interest like there is in your case, I'd notice very quickly if his online activity changed like this. So I don't think it's bordering on obsessive. I just think it's observant.

@Teensandfuture - At least you’re not in the same situation I was in many years ago.
A male work colleague set up an event with me to meet him for sex in his office (it was a joke! But I think he was half serious!) as I was out of office on a course, I forwarded my emails to my manager, incase anything important was sent to me. My manager reported it to his manager and he got a telling off, he didn’t lose his job though! I don’t think it’s a good idea for message exchanges through the work system, most of the time they’re monitored too.

@TokenGinger it's not the noticing it that I see as the issue (I use teams daily for work). It's the fact she's so caught up in someone who is a colleague - someone that wouldn't even be classed as a friend and has shown he's not interested in her romantically.

Ok so she's noticed he's not been online, I accept that. But why does she care so much and why is it her business?

[quote Itlod1982]@TokenGinger it's not the noticing it that I see as the issue (I use teams daily for work). It's the fact she's so caught up in someone who is a colleague - someone that wouldn't even be classed as a friend and has shown he's not interested in her romantically.

Ok so she's noticed he's not been online, I accept that. But why does she care so much and why is it her business? [/quote]
I guess this past year has not been easy for lonely people. My understanding is that OP lives alone and has started a new job during this lockdown. I can't imagine how lonely it must be to be living alone right now and how strange it must be to start a new job during these times.

I guess her interest in him is exacerbated by the current situation. It's a strange time indeed. I can't imagine my life just being waking up, talking to people through a device, eat food, bed time. On top of that, she has confirmed that England is not her home country so she's probably not got her family and closest friends to bubble with.

Maybe her interest in this guy has given her a bit of something else to focus on that makes her feel a little less lonely. Like I said, the messages were cringy so it's not that I agree it's the right thing to do, but I do think she hasn't been treated in the kindest way on this thread.

token

Thanks, at last someone understands what working on teams mean!

lipstick

Really wouldn't think his emails forwarded on anywhere for work , but very good point in that investigation re corporate issue mentioned chat exchange between some people under his management (not him) and he was asked to comment on the content. He said its very disappointing exchange.

So I don't rule out he is being extra careful himself on chat and that's how it should be in any case in any situation.

itlod

Are you that black and white ? It's very obvious I care about him and like him,and I know some shit is happening atm that's why I'm concerned.

Apparently I now have no right to actually care about his wellbeing because he hasn't shown romantic interest in me?

I do hope he's ok. Could you ask someone else in the team that you trust?

I'm invested in this now

itsalife

Unfortunately I can't without raising suspicion, I'm not that friendly with his superior and if something not right the ones under his management wouldn't know. Health and safety meetings, ye right..

When was he last active on LinkedIn?

Roszie

Are you taking the piss?

You sound about 15 years old with a crush. It's extremely cringey

Leave the poor chap alone @Teensandfuture

If this was a friend then I would entirely understand.
It’s not.
Work chat is for discussing work with colleagues. Keep to that.

I assume he's taken the bank holiday off, OP and that explains why he's MIA. If he's working weekends and evenings then the poor bloke deserves some time off. I imagine he's having a nice time with his family.

This might sound a little harsh and I don't mean this to hurt you but he's probably not thinking about you at all. I doubt he gives you much thought at all. Please don't waste your time and thoughts on him...