Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help me understand

241 replies

Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 14:09

Hi all
Just looking for opinion on this exchange between me and someone I fancy at work. I've never met him in person yet, he's in different location, senior to me but I'm not reporting to him. We meet in teams meetings a lot, lots of emails etc. I fancy him. I guess I was flirting with him but maybe subtly.
He's going through something very traumatic at the moment, old job related and it's in a public eye. I have been chatting to him about it, he was saying he really appreciate my support. He then said when we will meet in person, he will explain more about the situation.
Bit later I Said "anytime re support, just waiting for you to be" my location bound '. He replied only in June, I'm afraid, passing through my location a bit further. I've as what's in that location, he said one of our suppliers, he's meeting with them.

I've replied : don't we have suppliers in "my" location? That need urgent meeting?
He replied with laughing emoji, no further comment.
That conversation was late in the evening, outside of work hours.
After he didn't reply I felt I've overstepped just a friendly mark and tried to lighten up the situation by sending another message saying " anyway I'm not usually like this, but it's harmless isn't it"

He read that next morning, very early and didn't reply.
In the morning I have sent an email, he was cc'd in it and few minutes after, he sent me on my chat "completely harmless 😊"

I didn't even know what to say after that, took me half a day to reply. My reply was "you are a perfect gentleman, of course 😊"
His reply was an immidiate "and you are a perfect lady ☺️"
I replied " ill bite my tongue now 🙊"
He said "why is that? 😁"
I really carefully thought, for a while what to reply. It was "because there's something about you that makes me compromise my lady like composure ☺️"

He's reply was immidiate :" I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to. I'm very flattered. I do know - I'm blushing too ☺️ "
My reply was an hour later, about the weather and later" you've nothing to apologise for, it's all in my head "
He read, didn't reply immideatly, I thought that was it
Then in the evening he said" hope you'll have a nice weekend, I'll try not to work on both days "
I've replied with general chat about work, conversation gone until about 10 PM,but just work related stuff. At the end I've asked him where he grew up, making a joke about different accents, he replied explaining and I explained my background. He read last night and no contact since last night.
I don't really know what to do /how to approach this going forward.
Is he just being polite or there could be something there? I really fancy him ☺️

OP posts:
Original poster
Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 19:03

Sylvia
My professionalism is not under threat.

Please just leave your misogyny and games playing to your own thoughts.

I don't play games, all this bs about mystery, hard to get whatever. I'm old enough to know what I want and who I want. If he doesn't, it's fine.

We'll remain friendly work colleagues, nothing changed.

OP posts:
SylviaPlath1984 · 27/03/2021 19:17

@Teensandfuture

Sylvia My professionalism is not under threat.

Please just leave your misogyny and games playing to your own thoughts.

I don't play games, all this bs about mystery, hard to get whatever. I'm old enough to know what I want and who I want. If he doesn't, it's fine.

We'll remain friendly work colleagues, nothing changed.

Misogyny?! I'll think you'll find you've played into the misogynistic stereotype of being the smitten female work colleague fawning over him, me telling you to have some self respect and stop with the OTT messages is the opposite of misogyny but sure you believe whatever makes you feel better 🙄
Wolfiefan · 27/03/2021 19:21

None of that was very professional TBH.
Keep the messages to work colleagues about work.
Agree re toe curling.

Em999999999 · 27/03/2021 19:27

Alpha men like this enjoy the thrill of the chase
You've basically laid prostate across the road whilst putting a flashing sign on your head letting him know how easy you are. You are not his type.

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 19:28

Well that's your stereotyping something here.
I'm in a serious job and more often than not he's listening to my advice, I've been challenging him on good few occasions and said no, can't be done what you're saying is incorrect . Definitely don't come across as a smitten secretary.

I've never dated work colleague before and maybe 2nd time in my life I've actually shown interest in someone I know through work.

OP posts:
SylviaPlath1984 · 27/03/2021 19:30

@Em999999999

Alpha men like this enjoy the thrill of the chase You've basically laid prostate across the road whilst putting a flashing sign on your head letting him know how easy you are. You are not his type.
This is 100% accurate and I wish I'd have worded it this way myself 😂
imalmostthere · 27/03/2021 19:36

The "it's all in my head" message to blatantly hint as to whether he fancied you, was where you went over the line. Sorry op, he's not into you and I think that's been made very clear by the exchange.
Absolutely no more of those "flirty" exchanges.

jakeyboy1 · 27/03/2021 19:37

It's cringe but not that bad.... he did start the off email chat however sounds a bit coy. I imagine he's married. Google him can't be that hard to find out?

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 19:40

Oh and I'm now apparently easy

Thanks so much mumsnet

Comments most likely coming from housewifes of alpha males, convinced its them enabling husbands careers by washing their socks and ironing their shirts 😂

OP posts:
Em999999999 · 27/03/2021 19:45

Just keep digging that hole op. You should hit Australia by tomorrow.

Thanks @SylviaPlath1984 shame our friend here can't take criticism on the chin especially after asking for feedback. Grin

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 19:46

Googled lots of times.

Lots professional info, can't find any SM though or any trace of info giving single/married clue

OP posts:
imalmostthere · 27/03/2021 19:47

I really don't know why people post sometimes Confused
Making passive aggressive remarks about pp doesn't help your situation op. You asked for help to understand whether he was into you - you've been told no, and that it was a bit cringe.
Attacking other posters relationships makes you look very bitter indeed.

SylviaPlath1984 · 27/03/2021 19:49

@Em999999999

Just keep digging that hole op. You should hit Australia by tomorrow.

Thanks @SylviaPlath1984 shame our friend here can't take criticism on the chin especially after asking for feedback. Grin

It's our own fault, us opinionated housewives of alphas shouldn't really be allowed to comment on anything 😂

Although she's just admitted to googling lots of times about this bloke, so I'm going to stand by my cringey fawning woman analysis... hardly the actions of a professional woman to Google stalk a crush from work is it 😂

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 19:55

Eh I Google lots of people, that's how you find out who/what you dealing with.
That's what Google is for surely, to find information on all sorts of subjects

OP posts:
halfwaythrough2 · 27/03/2021 20:02

Wow!

You could actually be harassing and he doesn't want to look bad at work so is half heartedly going along with it.

This is why work related flirting etc and even relationships can be so dangerous as that's your source of income regardless of what happens.

Also shouldn't be over stepping the mark like that, most women would have a problem with a random co worker hitting on them... lord knows we've had enough of it so why do it yourself

CourchevelCornichon · 27/03/2021 20:03

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I think he might be into you Op, BUT you have to back off now. You need to make yourself more unavailable and aluring! Stop making it easy for him. Men like the chase. I have no science to back this up, but I've made some of your mistakes and I'm just talking about what I know from experience!

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 20:05

And by the way "all in my head" comment wasn't a hint to whether he fancies me, in fact it was me apologising after I've heard I'm very flattered, which to me was clearly no, I don't feel the same. I fully expected him to leave conversation after that but he did not, he carried on all evening, about mundane work stuff and wishing me nice weekend, advising to relax etc. That's what threw me off

OP posts:
Bellyups · 27/03/2021 20:12

Your exchange with this colleague is so incredibly embarrassing. Shock

imalmostthere · 27/03/2021 20:13

@Teensandfuture

And by the way "all in my head" comment wasn't a hint to whether he fancies me, in fact it was me apologising after I've heard I'm very flattered, which to me was clearly no, I don't feel the same. I fully expected him to leave conversation after that but he did not, he carried on all evening, about mundane work stuff and wishing me nice weekend, advising to relax etc. That's what threw me off
If it was a very clear no, he didn't feel the same - why have you posted asking if he could feel the same? Sorry op, it was very much a subtle leading statement to see if it went anywhere. You've no need to apologise would suffice, not "oh it's all in my head".
BrilliantBetty · 27/03/2021 20:14

Where do you want it to go from here?
Give him your number so it's away from work emails / work system.

Is he single?

Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2021 20:19

This is so unprofessional it's staggering.

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 20:21

Imal
Honestly it wasn't comment asking anything.
Reality is I've read it he is apologising for making me feel this way, and I said he's nothing to apologise for because he's done nothing really, he was probably just friendly all along and it's in my head it's more than that.

I fully expected him to leave conversation at that.

But it looked like he paused, thought, finished whatever work he was doing and messaged me again. Being nice and friendly again, that's what threw me off.

He definitely didn't have to do that and if I was him ie just friendly, not interested, I'd definitely leave it straight after don't apologise comment.

I guess everyone is different and shouldn't read too much into it.

It's fine, I'll see how it goes over next few days /weeks but I definitely won't chat to him first.

OP posts:
RedFrogsRule · 27/03/2021 20:22

My daughter has just had to endure an email trail like this. She considered it harassment. She was trying to be polite and not say get lost or “just stop” because she felt it was unprofessional.

It escalated when she did ask him to stop.

Hopefully you’ll just leave the poor bloke alone.

Ps am not housewife and husband is not alpha male

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 20:23

I'm not giving him my number unless he's asking for it, he didn't yet

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2021 20:25

He already has your number, I assure you.