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Original poster

Please help me understand

241 replies

Teensandfuture · 27/03/2021 14:09

Hi all
Just looking for opinion on this exchange between me and someone I fancy at work. I've never met him in person yet, he's in different location, senior to me but I'm not reporting to him. We meet in teams meetings a lot, lots of emails etc. I fancy him. I guess I was flirting with him but maybe subtly.
He's going through something very traumatic at the moment, old job related and it's in a public eye. I have been chatting to him about it, he was saying he really appreciate my support. He then said when we will meet in person, he will explain more about the situation.
Bit later I Said "anytime re support, just waiting for you to be" my location bound '. He replied only in June, I'm afraid, passing through my location a bit further. I've as what's in that location, he said one of our suppliers, he's meeting with them.

I've replied : don't we have suppliers in "my" location? That need urgent meeting?
He replied with laughing emoji, no further comment.
That conversation was late in the evening, outside of work hours.
After he didn't reply I felt I've overstepped just a friendly mark and tried to lighten up the situation by sending another message saying " anyway I'm not usually like this, but it's harmless isn't it"

He read that next morning, very early and didn't reply.
In the morning I have sent an email, he was cc'd in it and few minutes after, he sent me on my chat "completely harmless 😊"

I didn't even know what to say after that, took me half a day to reply. My reply was "you are a perfect gentleman, of course 😊"
His reply was an immidiate "and you are a perfect lady ☺️"
I replied " ill bite my tongue now 🙊"
He said "why is that? 😁"
I really carefully thought, for a while what to reply. It was "because there's something about you that makes me compromise my lady like composure ☺️"

He's reply was immidiate :" I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to. I'm very flattered. I do know - I'm blushing too ☺️ "
My reply was an hour later, about the weather and later" you've nothing to apologise for, it's all in my head "
He read, didn't reply immideatly, I thought that was it
Then in the evening he said" hope you'll have a nice weekend, I'll try not to work on both days "
I've replied with general chat about work, conversation gone until about 10 PM,but just work related stuff. At the end I've asked him where he grew up, making a joke about different accents, he replied explaining and I explained my background. He read last night and no contact since last night.
I don't really know what to do /how to approach this going forward.
Is he just being polite or there could be something there? I really fancy him ☺️

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 28/03/2021 07:06

Wow, OP. You’ve been very unprofessional and inappropriate.

You shouldn’t be messaging a coworker like that, especially if he is senior to you (it’s irrelevant whether he is your senior or not).

I agree with pp about getting some self respect.

Sorehandsandfeet · 28/03/2021 08:18

Hi OP, in some way I admire your bravery. However, it comes across that he is not interested. I think he continued the chat because this is a nice distraction from the shit he is going through. I'd back away now. Also, if you don't want advice from wives (House or other, alpha or beta) why ask for it on mumsnet?

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 28/03/2021 09:21

How old are you OP? You sound quite young and naive with little understanding of how using work systems for these type of communications can get you in big trouble with HR.

Itlod1982 · 28/03/2021 09:30

I actually think it sounds like he is flattered but that either he's not single, or, he doesn't like to get involved with someone from work.

You've said the bit that's causing you to question this is that after he's apologised for leading you on & you saying you've got the wrong idea.......my take on that part is that he's just trying to avoid an awkward situation in work by changing the subject and pretending it never happened.

I'd leave it and if he sends you a friendly message, just reply in a friendly but non-flirty way and if he wants to make a move he will.

P.S. I'm single and work FT in a snr mgt role so I'm definitely not a housewife for an alpha male!

DianaT1969 · 28/03/2021 09:53

You over stepped the line by doing this without knowing if he is married or in a relationship.
Assume that he is.
You are a bit tone deaf OP, by the way you laid it on thick about coming to your area. Stop, stop, stop with any flirty comments. He knows you are into him. He knows you are available. Stop and try to be super-professional from now on.

TheLost · 28/03/2021 10:07

I don’t understand, you’re follow up posts pretty much totally contradict your OP. Going off what you posted in your OP I’d say you massively need to back off. I don’t think I’d go as far as apologising for the messages but I’d be absolutely mortified and ensure that everything from now on was entirely professional and only contact him when absolutely necessary. You’ve only been in the job a short while and could easily be let go for this if he made a complaint which he has every right to do.

But then, based on your follow up messages saying that actually he didn’t leave you on read and reply with just ‘have a nice weekend’ the evening after you sent another embarrassing message, then continued to message you throughout the night, it does actually sound like he is interested.

I think you’re probably a bit embarrassed by the amount of people who’ve told you he’s not interested and to back off so you’ve edited the details to make it look more favourable. Either way you seem convinced that he is actually interested in you and are obviously planning on continuing to message him. So good luck, I guess.

anunexaminedlife · 28/03/2021 10:37

I don't think he sounds completely uninterested, he's encouraging you a bit. However, I think that lots of men would be flattered by and encourage this sort of bold, clear come-on from any woman. He probably thinks that he is guaranteed sex if he's ever passing through your local area. How would you feel if that happened and afterwards he showed no interest in seeing you again (until next time he was passing through)? Or if you met him in person and didn't fancy him at all, after making all those comments to him about losing your composure?

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 28/03/2021 11:15

The lost

Omg, where did I contradict myself here?

And what do you know about my work situation? If I'm valued or not, and would have been let go etc, in fact it's the opposite.

The conversation in the evening after 5 pm was about work, he said he'll try not to work on both weekends, I said I have to as have lots to do and have recruitment going on.

It turned into discussion why there's recruitment and I've explained reasons why and that I was on a verge of leaving in January.

He clearly said on 2 separate occasions please don't leave and I'm pleased you are staying.

It was a mistake posting here, you people making up things as you go along.

OP posts:
makesIlaugh · 28/03/2021 11:22

Blush I think you may have to leave, that's WAAAY over the mark.

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 28/03/2021 11:31

Or I may have to stay and make myself more senior than him, that'll restore the balance 😂

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 28/03/2021 11:31

I was embarrassed just reading your opening post.

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 28/03/2021 11:39

How would you feel if that happened and afterwards he showed no interest in seeing you again (until next time he was passing through)? Or if you met him in person and didn't fancy him at all, after making all those comments to him about losing your composure?

Depends how it was in person, he may be shit in bed, I might have not fancied him in person and it would never got to finding out if he was shit or not.

All I know he's the one at work that makes me feel this way and I would like to find out if there's more there, in person

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 28/03/2021 11:39

he's in public eye for all the wrong reasons

What kind of reasons, sexist, racist, abusive, thieving, corporate fraud?

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 28/03/2021 11:40

What kind of reason

Corporate - not fraud but shit enough reason

OP posts:
flametrees · 28/03/2021 11:46

You've gone from sending inappropriate messages to talking here about what he may be like in bed!
Confused

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 28/03/2021 11:47

Has it occurred to you that he might be gay? And as for passing all these messages over an auditable company platform, words fail me. Have you taken leave of your senses? You’re coming across as a sex pest.

SylviaPlath1984 · 28/03/2021 11:50

@flametrees

You've gone from sending inappropriate messages to talking here about what he may be like in bed! Confused
It reads like a school girl crush but I suspect op is fairly older than we are guessing...
Original poster
Teensandfuture · 28/03/2021 11:56

I don't care what I'm coming across like

Lots of people on here already made assumptions about me, one more one less doesn't matter.

I like him, yes. I want to meet him, yes. If he will act on it and makes it happen - wonderful.

If not, we'll remain friendly work colleagues, meetings and emails and chat will stop,the one he started - moved from email to chat.

He'

OP posts:
LolaButt · 28/03/2021 12:03

Why aren’t you acknowledging the stupidity of conducting this through your employers communication systems?

Not a smart thing to do.

StarryNight13 · 28/03/2021 12:03

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with some flirty exchanges providing you’re both single, of course. It’s hard to tell whether he’s interested OP, however, I’d leave the ball in his court, if he’s interested his messages will start to reflect this.

Original poster
Teensandfuture · 28/03/2021 12:07

Why aren’t you acknowledging the stupidity of conducting this through your employers communication systems?

Yes, it's stupid for sure

He now either will want to stop or take it out of work system.

Up to him completely.

OP posts:
SnuggleWuggle · 28/03/2021 12:07

I am cringing

I work in HR and my god this is soooo inappropriate

Imagine if OP was male behaving like this towards a female - she’d be called creepy and inappropriate

Ermintrude74 · 28/03/2021 12:12

You're tying yourself in knots over analysing every last nuance of his words and messaging patterns. Seriously. Stop. I've been there. It leads nowhere, it's hugely embarrassing even if you can't see it now, and in a few years you'll look back and cringe yourself inside out. Take it from someone who knows.

Bellybutton41 · 28/03/2021 12:12

Wondering how long it'll be until the op decides the thread is outing and requests thread deletion. Naturally would have been different if we agreed with her.

You have chased him op. It's patently clear. Stop trying to twist the story around.

Threads like this are so funny
Op - this is what I think. Do you agree?
Most of mn - no you are wrong
Op - but but but
Still most of mn - still wrong and more wrong
Op - You are all wrong and rude

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 28/03/2021 12:13

Bloody hell, if I conducted myself in this way using work email/teams/whatever, I'd be disciplined. And also have no chance of ever being promoted, due to being that slightly creepy woman in x area who propositions more senior staff without regard to whether they're married, gay, in a relationship - or just not fucking interested.

And if a male sent similar to me, I'd be well within my rights to make a formal complaint to HR about his predatory behaviour. It screams unprofessionalism throughout - and also feeds into the tired trope about women sleeping to the top.

Just ewwww.

Keep that shit on Tinder where it belongs.