Please help me understand

[Teensandfuture]

Hi all
Just looking for opinion on this exchange between me and someone I fancy at work. I've never met him in person yet, he's in different location, senior to me but I'm not reporting to him. We meet in teams meetings a lot, lots of emails etc. I fancy him. I guess I was flirting with him but maybe subtly.
He's going through something very traumatic at the moment, old job related and it's in a public eye. I have been chatting to him about it, he was saying he really appreciate my support. He then said when we will meet in person, he will explain more about the situation.
Bit later I Said "anytime re support, just waiting for you to be" my location bound '. He replied only in June, I'm afraid, passing through my location a bit further. I've as what's in that location, he said one of our suppliers, he's meeting with them.

I've replied : don't we have suppliers in "my" location? That need urgent meeting?
He replied with laughing emoji, no further comment.
That conversation was late in the evening, outside of work hours.
After he didn't reply I felt I've overstepped just a friendly mark and tried to lighten up the situation by sending another message saying " anyway I'm not usually like this, but it's harmless isn't it"

He read that next morning, very early and didn't reply.
In the morning I have sent an email, he was cc'd in it and few minutes after, he sent me on my chat "completely harmless 😊"

I didn't even know what to say after that, took me half a day to reply. My reply was "you are a perfect gentleman, of course 😊"
His reply was an immidiate "and you are a perfect lady ☺️"
I replied " ill bite my tongue now 🙊"
He said "why is that? 😁"
I really carefully thought, for a while what to reply. It was "because there's something about you that makes me compromise my lady like composure ☺️"

He's reply was immidiate :" I'm sorry about that. I don't mean to. I'm very flattered. I do know - I'm blushing too ☺️ "
My reply was an hour later, about the weather and later" you've nothing to apologise for, it's all in my head "
He read, didn't reply immideatly, I thought that was it
Then in the evening he said" hope you'll have a nice weekend, I'll try not to work on both days "
I've replied with general chat about work, conversation gone until about 10 PM,but just work related stuff. At the end I've asked him where he grew up, making a joke about different accents, he replied explaining and I explained my background. He read last night and no contact since last night.
I don't really know what to do /how to approach this going forward.
Is he just being polite or there could be something there? I really fancy him ☺️

Um, I’m only saying what others have said, and I clearly didn’t state he was thinking it was harassment, I said if it was man to woman it could be taken as such. Simoly because you’re ok with male co workers commenting on your body parts doesn’t mean anyone else is.

I get you don’t like the message, but honestly op, he’s basically all but told you he’s not interested, so not doing it any more is a good plan. It becomes deeply embarrassing to basically keep going after someone who has said no.

It's clear the OP fully intends to carry on as she was.

The fact you don’t know whether he’s single tells you all that you need to know.

Apart from this investigation which puts him in the public eye he hasn’t spoken about his personal life, so clearly he doesn’t want you to be a part of his personal life. And if he wa just a married man after having an affair he would have made a move but he hasn’t.

So, not telling you about his family, then making it clear he’s not interested romantically sends a very clear message.

Bluntness

I didn't say commenting on my body parts is OK. I said I don't see it as harassment. It's showing they are interested /seeing me more than a sexless colleague. However if I would make it clear I'm not interested, by disingaging, and person would persist, I'd let them know clearly I'm not interested and if after that inappropriate behaviour /comments would not stop, that would clearly be harassment.

My situation isn't nowhere near that scenario

Flametress

And I can see you clearly didn't read my last updates, for you to jump to this conclusion 😁

He would absolutely have a leg to stand on! He has the entire email chain FFS

You've thrown yourself at a senior colleague that you've never met and is plain as day not slightly interested. I'm surprised you've still got a job tbh. So fucking beyond appropriate.

I've actually just done some sexual harassment training at work (online training) and this goes so far beyond what counts as harassment!

The fact you don’t know whether he’s single tells you all that you need to know.

Thinking of it, he doesn't know if I am single either.

Not something explicitly said or not said.

Anyway I'm not going to comment any longer, would rather use my time for something more productive.

The decision was made to let it go and not to overthink, it will be forgotten in couple of weeks on both sides. No harm done.

Oh dear. Desperate.

Bye 👋

I'm surprised you've still got a job tbh
What? Did it actually occur to you to try to understand what HR can and can't do before posting ignorant comments like this.

He's not interested in having an intimate relationship with a work colleague. Just leave him alone .

@Teensandfuture

I'm surprised you've still got a job tbh What? Did it actually occur to you to try to understand what HR can and can't do before posting ignorant comments like this.

I understand it perfectly. You sound extremely naive.

What seems odd to me is that you can even begin to fantasise about having sex with someone you've never even met! That seems to be jumping the gun somewhat, to put it mildly.

I also think your messages were a bit pushy and if you'd been a bloke doing this to a woman, clearly inappropriate.

Him continuing a friendly conversation for some time after your "flirty" exchange may just have been because he was busy on email anyway, but also because he was keen to restore "normality" as much as possible.

Sorry OP, I know it's not what you want to hear!

He's very senior level though and the timing is absolutely shit to be honest, he's in public eye for all the wrong reasons and when I realised its him being under scrutiny heavily,

OMG - is he Boris?

he is great, intelligent,always on top of his game

Oh, he’s not.

It's so insane that you think you know this man op. You don't know him at all. You have a mere idea of what he's like at work remotely. And don't try and kid yourself there's chemistry or a connection because you can't know what someone is like until you meet them in person. Ask anyone who has been online dating.

Cringe is such an overused word but I did genuinely cringe when I read your comments to him especially
thought, for a while what to reply. It was

because there's something about you that makes me compromise my lady like composure

Genuinely can't believe you said that to him. It's just so inappropriate!

@ThatOtherPoster

He's very senior level though and the timing is absolutely shit to be honest, he's in public eye for all the wrong reasons and when I realised its him being under scrutiny heavily,

OMG - is he Boris?

he is great, intelligent,always on top of his game

Oh, he’s not.

There's an AIBU thread going on about fancying Matt Hancock. It did cross my mind...😅

He now knows how easy and available you are; if he's interested, he'll make it clear.

Honestly I've better taste than fancying Boris or Matt Hancock

Made me laugh so much 😂

Thanks for lightening this up

Have to get on with work now 😊

Back off .

Also all your messages on company devices are recorded ... work chat whatever . Be very careful

Well, I disagree with many. And many on here are trying a pile on too.

He hasn't come full on to you but he didn't back off either. I think there could be more to this. My counsellor friend once advised that's it's the AMOUNT OF TIME someone gives you in this situation that's the indicator of interest and he's done that a fair few times.

I'd sit back and let him make the next move.

@ThatOtherPoster

He's very senior level though and the timing is absolutely shit to be honest, he's in public eye for all the wrong reasons and when I realised its him being under scrutiny heavily,

OMG - is he Boris?

he is great, intelligent,always on top of his game

Oh, he’s not.

🤣🤣🤣

Well an update of no actual update..

Had emails from him over the weekend, which I found a bit weird, as he ended each one of them with the question :hope timing works for you? I've had hundreds emails with him on similar subjects,before, and he never used to end them this way.

I've replied to last one today, without any personal touch.

Had to arrange a meeting of 8,him including, sent out an invite, he accepted straight away, funnily, all the rest still not replied at all.

So he's acknowledging my professional presence, probably overly so, but that's it. No chat, not asking how was my weekend, nothing.

I want to cancel the regular meeting of 8,him including as funnily my superior has suggested today I can push for cancellation if I want to, as things running smoothly and my management doesn't want me to overstress myself and focus on other priorities.

Are you still bleating on about this?!
Have some dignity; I’m embarrassed for you

@Teensandfuture

I had a very very similar situation and found it very confusing. It was like, here is something but not enough to follow through.

Once my infatuation passed and I looked back I saw more clearly that he liked the attention and wanted to keep that, but no more. He was committed elsewhere too, as I later discovered.

I'd leave it and minimise contact.

Years later I ended up more senior to him and actually interviewed him for a job. He didn't get it.

Looking back iI just felt ick

Just my experience

@SnuggleWuggle

Are you still bleating on about this?! Have some dignity; I’m embarrassed for you

ODFO