DP sent me messages meant for another woman

[Toega]

We have a 3 month old DS. We have flights booked to move back to my home country in the summer. Out of all the things someone could do this would be the very last thing I would have expected. I was so sure, I thought that was the one thing I never had to worry about.

I don't even know how I feel. I switch between being very angry, heartbroken, calm and disbelief. I don't think it's really sunk in yet.

What am I supposed to do now? What is going to happen with the plans for the move?

Our airline cancelled our flight yesterday so at least that will get refunded. What an unfortunately fortunate coincidence I guess.

What a piece of shit he turned out to be- I’m so sorry.

Agree with PPs about acting swiftly and with all necessary legal advice and safeguards to get home. He’s sorry and dejected and moping now, but in a matter of days or weeks he’ll be angry and fighting. Given what you’ve found out about, there is every chance he will stop you moving out of spite.

Be smart, smooth things over, get back home and deal with the situation once you are there. NZ will not take a parents visa away if their child is resident there and the relationship breaks up. So dont worry about that, take one step at a time.

Pyewackect - NZ nationals can fly home, 2 airlines arriving here that I know of are Singapore (code share with Air NZ.) and Emirates. There well could be more. Getting a place in managed isolation is more difficult, you have to align dates etc. Tricky not impossible as the thousands of returnees have shown.
As for getting the Dads permission, that’s an area I know nothing about, you could well be right.

OP, woken thinking about you, sending hugs and warmth across the miles. Feeling for you.

@youshallnotpass9

You need to really think about moving and depriving your child of a relationship with their father, is he on the birth certificate?

I am not sure of the ins and outs, but if you did move, if he took you to court, could you be forced to move back? I am not sure the courts would look too kindly on you if you moved without telling him.

If its in certain countries, could he say you have kidnapped the child?

I get you are hurt and he has fucked you over, but its your relationship he has screwed not his and his child.

Also I wonder if the same advice would be given if it was a man posting.

THIS!

Done the whole moving to a different country after a breakup. It’s not hard, be as amicable as you can. He cheated, yes. But try to take your emotions out of it. Draft up a plan for the little one and follow it.

We did some paperwork to say it was all good and legal. Dad called immigration here to confirm it was a-ok ahead of time and again after we moved.

The plan for the little one in our case is video calls, visits, continuing to speak English at home, etc.

Do NOT gaslight him because it will bite you in the back and IMO the gaslighting suggested on this thread is much much worse than cheating because you’d effectively make the dad unemployed and homeless in a different country where he might not speak the language and without a support network.