DH and his creepy friends

[SeafoamGreen]

DH and I have known each other for 3 years, been married for less than 1.

6 months ago, he started declining my advances to have sex and would spend hours every night sitting on the sofa scrolling through his phone and chatting with his friends.

At first I thought it was me, but as far as I know nothing has changed on my end.

So then I thought that he could be having an affair.

I know it’s wrong but I did read through his incoming notifications the other day while he was taking a nap. I didn’t see any indications of an affair but I did catch a glimpse of his group chat.

They were linking usernames on Reddit and Only Fans rating women and making comments like loose, butter face (?), has deepthroat clips and there was even this message where someone said he finally solved it and linked the Instagram and LinkedIn profile of this woman.

Yesterday night I mentioned it and DH was angry at first storming off to the bedroom. 30 minutes later, he came back and said he didn’t like me looking at his phone (fair enough) but that it was just the boys doing their thing and that there was nothing he could do and that his only contribution (he scrolled through his phone here for me to see) was a comment saying zoom in on her computer screen you can see her work uniform in the reflection??

I feel so uncomfortable with it all.

He sounds very immature

That’s quite disgusting behaviour. Why were they trying to find out who she was? It sounds like your dh is a creep as well, not just his friends. He sounds extremely disrespectful to women

Ugh

Awful.

You deserve better. He sounds disgusting.

That’s disgusting. I couldn’t face a man like that in my life, let alone be married to one.

I think you need to have a really serious chat about respect.

Yuck.

How do you feel about a man like this having a daughter?

He sounds vile. It’s not boys just being boys.

Butterface means I would to have sex with everything but her face as in she has an amazing body but is ugly.

Your post, your DH behaviour, reminded me of a news article about a women who thought whose husband was look at child abuse images. I think it was a BBC article.

Your DH and his friends sound awful. What do you see your life as being like in the future? Do you want children? What kind of world do you want your children or specifically your girls brought up in?

Eurgh...

@Shoxfordian

That’s quite disgusting behaviour. Why were they trying to find out who she was? It sounds like your dh is a creep as well, not just his friends. He sounds extremely disrespectful to women

His reasoning is that men generally find it more of a turn on when it's a real woman doing those things and not some fake porn star.

You’re right, it’s creepy.

It's not going to get better is it. 6 month in. I think I'd be looking to leave.

Have you asked him why you are not having sex anymore?

Are these women who are putting images out there for men (amateur porn?), or random women?

The first is gross behaviour, from the way they are rating them and speaking about them. Very disrespectful and frankly it would put me right off him.

The second is even worse. They are online stalkers.

Are they real women you could possibly know?

Your husband and his friends are exactly what is wrong with society right now. Has he not been aware of the news? They are all vile, disgusting creeps.

I don't know how you can even stand to look at him, let alone be near him or be upset he is refusing sex. I hope that you never have a daughter. How would you feel knowing thats how he sees women therefore you and his own potential child?

Really creepy and an invasion of privacy. It seems that they’re trying to find personal information and identities of anonymous OnlyFans/Reddit girls? I would understand if it was one of them alone who was a bit infatuated or something but the fact that a group of them are on a ‘mission’ is disturbing. It’s like they want to somehow ‘expose’ them. I couldn’t be with someone like that 😔

This is gross and I'd never be able to look his friends in the eye again. Finding the personal profiles of these women is borderline stalking and I think it's quite sad really that adults have a little porn group chat going.

I'd not be happy that he is actively turning down sex to have a group w*nk over pictures online with his friends. No thank you!

How does that make it ok? He’s disgusting and he surrounds himself with disgusting friends

This would be a dealbreaker for me

I had someone like this in my life. To think I thought I was in love, now I'm repulsed by him.

This is really shocking and gross. Possibly could count as stalking?

The excuse of "not some fake porn star" is pathetic. All women in porn are human beings, many of them trafficked.

He doesn't seem to see women as worthy of privacy, respect and dignity. Why are you with him?

That would give me the ick, how could you be interested in a man like that? Ewww.

I think this is actually really quite sinister. They're trawling through and making degrading comments about women and by the sounds of it trying to work out who they are. What's next? You know the answer to this. They are stalking these poor women and this is sick predatory behaviour and is another Sarah Everard waiting to happen.

Leave him, please, and have a chat with the police about their predatory behaviour. I think they'll be very keen to investigate. I once had an ex who was similar. A decade later I hear from the grapevine that he's been nicked for downloading indecent images

Run for the hills.

He’ll try to tell you that ‘all men’ do things like this, that it’s meaningless...but it’s not true. All men do not spend their free time ranking women on the internet. Sad, stupid and immature men might...but what sort of a yardstick was that.