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Original poster

DH and his creepy friends

234 replies

SeafoamGreen · 20/03/2021 07:17

DH and I have known each other for 3 years, been married for less than 1.

6 months ago, he started declining my advances to have sex and would spend hours every night sitting on the sofa scrolling through his phone and chatting with his friends.

At first I thought it was me, but as far as I know nothing has changed on my end.

So then I thought that he could be having an affair.

I know it’s wrong but I did read through his incoming notifications the other day while he was taking a nap. I didn’t see any indications of an affair but I did catch a glimpse of his group chat.

They were linking usernames on Reddit and Only Fans rating women and making comments like loose, butter face (?), has deepthroat clips and there was even this message where someone said he finally solved it and linked the Instagram and LinkedIn profile of this woman. Confused

Yesterday night I mentioned it and DH was angry at first storming off to the bedroom. 30 minutes later, he came back and said he didn’t like me looking at his phone (fair enough) but that it was just the boys doing their thing and that there was nothing he could do and that his only contribution (he scrolled through his phone here for me to see) was a comment saying zoom in on her computer screen you can see her work uniform in the reflection??

I feel so uncomfortable with it all. Sad

OP posts:
abeanbaked · 20/03/2021 08:26

Definitely a sackable offence. I had an ex that did this, would share pictures/onlyfans accounts/Instagram profiles of women between a group of friends. I was gaslighted constantly and told it was just what guys dad. I later found out that he had an onlyfans subscription. It made me sick, he had also been unfaithful IRL many times. He was a loser, get rid ASAP.

UltimateBlends · 20/03/2021 08:27

@SeafoamGreen

Will be mentioning all this to my solicitor too.
Thank god.

Please quietly try and get proof of all this behaviour, screenshots etc.

Original poster
SeafoamGreen · 20/03/2021 08:29

For those who have Only Fans please don't have your full name in your Instagram description where you posted links to your Only Fans that's how people seem to commonly be found on Reddit and elsewhere. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
SeafoamGreen · 20/03/2021 08:31

@abeanbaked

Definitely a sackable offence. I had an ex that did this, would share pictures/onlyfans accounts/Instagram profiles of women between a group of friends. I was gaslighted constantly and told it was just what guys dad. I later found out that he had an onlyfans subscription. It made me sick, he had also been unfaithful IRL many times. He was a loser, get rid ASAP.
I've been told that sharing Only Fans and Instagrams is when all men do too. It's vile. Sad
OP posts:
Benjispruce2 · 20/03/2021 08:31

Grim

Rockdown2020 · 20/03/2021 08:39

I've been told that sharing Only Fans and Instagrams is when all men do too. It's vile.

It sounds like he surrounds himself with some lovely men Hmm. Gross.

TheVanguardSix · 20/03/2021 08:42

Tell me your company and I'll tell you who you are comes to mind.
Don't raise sons to be men with this man.
As for having daughters with such a scumbag misogynist... need I emphasize how wrong this would be?
I'll spell it out: You're not getting laid by your own husband because he'd prefer watching clips of deepthroaters. This is what he likes. This is who he is. You are married to a man who hates women.

You'd be doing yourself the biggest favour divorcing him. This is not love, OP. This is not a life. Believe me, what he is watching is only a reflection of how his mind ticks and how he ultimately feels about women, how he views sex. You could take away the phone, but who he is is who he is. And that's not going away. By seeing what you saw, you now understand who you are married to.
I truly perish the thought of a man like him being an example to the children he raises.

Insomniacexpress · 20/03/2021 08:42

Guess the whole movement for men to pull their mates up on their ‘laddish’ dehumanising sexist behaviour post Sarah Everard went over their heads.

So gross. I wouldn’t be able to think of him the same way ever again as it shows a total disrespect for women.

cactuslover1992 · 20/03/2021 08:42

I actually left my partner from being in a group chat like this with his boss of all people and other people from work . He soon wised up deleted the group and has never been back on it since . You need to put your foot down op ! Tell him he either deletes it or it's over . It's disgusting and pathetic

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 20/03/2021 08:44

What a creep. And, no, all men do not do this.

porridgecake · 20/03/2021 08:46

Thank goodness you found out now and not after having a child. You are doing the right thing divorcing him. Don't look back. Men like him are absolute scum.

cactuslover1992 · 20/03/2021 08:47

Also I would
Like to add that it was nothing no where as creepy As what your husband and his gross friends are doing . God help if he was doing that ! Also he 100 percent deleted all evidence before he showed you the phone ! I bet he is the one tracking these girls down too and your right about why he doesn't want sex with you anymore . Too wanked out for anymore action ! I'd cut his balls off

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 20/03/2021 08:47

Be glad you haven't had sex for 6 months, I wouldn't want him anywhere near me!

Glad you are putting him in the bin where he belongs. He sounds vile

tiredmum2468 · 20/03/2021 08:48

Oh god get out now he sounds like a right freak

VettiyaIruken · 20/03/2021 08:49

It is not what all men do.
It's what creepy men do.

ZenNudist · 20/03/2021 08:50

I'm sorry but Its an LTB from me. It's still early. Don't waste your life on a man like this.

HermitsLife · 20/03/2021 08:51

I wrote a huge post and then lost my wifi connection.

OP I'm sorry this has happened it must be such a terrible shock to you, I think you're making the right decision. His behaviour is so far beyond normal and the fact he doesn't recognise it is the scariest part. He and his friends seem to be ecouraging each other in the stalking of these women and it concerns me that this behaviour has the potential to escalate into something very dangerous.

The fact he says he prefers OnlyFans to porn because real women are more of a turn on but he can't have sex with his new wife sets off alarm bells for me too, he's lost perspective of real life as he has become so wrapped up in this online whatever it is he and his friends are doing.

Lanique · 20/03/2021 08:53

Gosh OP, this saddens me so much. Please do go ahead and leave this horrible man.

CeibaTree · 20/03/2021 08:54

Sorry you've found out your husband is a gross creep, but at least you found out now and not 10 years down the line. You can tell everything you need to know about someone by the company they keep.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 20/03/2021 08:58

I would not be living with a pathetic man like this who is so easily led by vile "friends". It sounds like he has no independent thought outside of this group.

EarthSight · 20/03/2021 08:58

Yeah I think it would be a goodbye from me, and thus is still the early stage!! They've clearly been trying to find out who sex Livecam girls are in real life.....you've got to wonder why OP. Is it just for the thrill of solving a puzzle? I can imagine some men might use the info to blackmail these women or start sexually persuing them in real life, and ypur boyfriend was helping them identify one of these women by helping them scrutinise clues in her photos or videos.

They clearly have nothing getter or more interesting to do with their time. If you feel creeped out by his friends, don't be surprised if he's far more like them than he claims to be.

EarthSight · 20/03/2021 09:01

Sorry - just been commenting on someone else's post can got you mixed up.

This man is your husband. :/

category12 · 20/03/2021 09:06

Misogynistic and grim.

It would really put me off him.

Kelly345 · 20/03/2021 09:07

@seafoamgreen Maybe open an onlyfans account posing in a Tesco uniform. He'll be gagging for it then lol

KarmaNoMore · 20/03/2021 09:07

The sort of warning flag signalling an exit to a better future. If he is like that in the first year, I dread to think how the next ones will be.

Run, fast and far, and don’t let anyone convince you, from your husband to your mum, that stalking women/ignoring wife is what men do and wives have to put up with.

Honestly, the world and their dog will try to convince you to work in your marriage. Don’t, he is not going to change.