DH and his creepy friends

[SeafoamGreen]

DH and I have known each other for 3 years, been married for less than 1.

6 months ago, he started declining my advances to have sex and would spend hours every night sitting on the sofa scrolling through his phone and chatting with his friends.

At first I thought it was me, but as far as I know nothing has changed on my end.

So then I thought that he could be having an affair.

I know it’s wrong but I did read through his incoming notifications the other day while he was taking a nap. I didn’t see any indications of an affair but I did catch a glimpse of his group chat.

They were linking usernames on Reddit and Only Fans rating women and making comments like loose, butter face (?), has deepthroat clips and there was even this message where someone said he finally solved it and linked the Instagram and LinkedIn profile of this woman.

Yesterday night I mentioned it and DH was angry at first storming off to the bedroom. 30 minutes later, he came back and said he didn’t like me looking at his phone (fair enough) but that it was just the boys doing their thing and that there was nothing he could do and that his only contribution (he scrolled through his phone here for me to see) was a comment saying zoom in on her computer screen you can see her work uniform in the reflection??

I feel so uncomfortable with it all.

If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem. At the very least he should leave the group.

This would be a dealbreaker for me.

@SeafoamGreen

Made me really uncomfortable since I found out. Previously the one conflict we had was when Only Fans was really blowing up and someone we knew IRL was getting into it and she sent everyone a link to sub to her. DH subbed to support her (his words) but he promised me he didn't look even though he didn't understand why I was so upset since sex work was just work like any other job.

This is fucking shocking. What a fucking bitch. I cannot imagine sending out a link to everyone, including married men like this if I worked in that industry.

What a horrible place this world is becoming for women. Where women are meant to see sex work as just normal work, where it's fine apparently for their own partners to watching their friends on platform like this. DH subscribed to support her?? How generous and lovely of him 😂😂😂 It's cheating in broad daylight.

He sees sex work like any other work? I've that line plenty of times before and it's deeply worrying. They know full well it's not like other work, and if they don't, they seriously lack imagination, empathy and possibly a few I.Q points.

As if he needed a group to be doing this, what can be done? Removing his phone?

If he is pressured to do that, he will only hide it better. Besides, once the attraction is lost it never comes back, he has checked out already.

I'm still getting over the fact that this woman, who you know, actually sent you or him a link thinking that's ok or that you would be interested.

How old are you OP? Are you in your 20s?

Well the bright side is that, if you are not having sex, you are not going to get pregnant, have his child, and be lumbered with the creep forever. Dump him now, while you have the freedom to move on with ease.

@Lampan

Does he think you are stupid? Subscribing on Only Fans to ‘support’ someone isn’t exactly the same as buying a few bits from someone’s small craft business or shopping locally to support your local high street. I agree he sounds gross and it will only get worse.

@Lampan Sadly Lampan, I wonder if Only Fans is so normalised now that some believe this is true. It's called 'whorephobia' apparently.......how very fucking woke.

Creepy AF.
Does he have form for this kind of disgusting behaviour?

In my world, if this happened my husband would not be staying in the family home, we'd both be googling therapists for couples therapy and I'd be researching divorce lawyers on the side.
I would feel completely blindsided and like my life was a lie, as that would not be the man I married.

The group chat I wouldn't be too concerned about - that's probably been going on for ages with that group of friends. You may disapprove but it is what it is.

I'd be more worried about him distancing himself from you 6 months ago - anything else happen around then? That's a classic symptom of him being in a dark place.

He clearly doesn't think sex work is work just like any other job if he doesn't stalk/dox people who do other jobs

I'm so sorry. On the positive side, you're not pregnant. You can just walk away. Do you have any shared assets yet? He's too immature and misogynistic to be married to anybody, at thank goodness you found out before having a child.

Don't be gaslit into "everyone does it" because, NO, they don't.

Blimey, I'd never heard of Only Fans. Do i dare google it?

I’m just shocked someone you know IRL sent you all a link to subscribe because this is usually something people keep ‘private’.

I’m disgusted especially at the lengths gone to find out who someone is - their linkedin and the like. Like someone said, stalking. What is the purpose of finding out their linkedin?

I Couldn't be with a man who did this. There are so many levels of misogyny going on here, that his values are miles away from mine. Sounds like you feel the same OP.

Would be a case of it's me or the phone

He and his friends sound pornsick and revolting. OP, wishing you all the best leaving this man.

Sorry
I couldn’t respect a man like this
Pathetic

I wouldn't be surprised if he has an unreported history of committing rape and sexual assault. Pays for prostitutes and stalks them too.

IT IS A CRIMINAL OFFENCE TO STALK A PERSON. He's a criminal. A filthy creep.

I knew someone like your H and they have a teenage DD with their ex. I'm surprised they are allowed to see their DC tbh.

This thread saddens me. I'm so sorry OP. Please keep safe

Boys doing their thing? Excuse me?! It sounds disgusting to me. Get rid. They sound like extreme perverts no they are extreme perverts. Get rid. Probably would get done for sexual harassment if they got caught.

I was about to type “run for the hills” but I see I’ve been beaten to it. Will say it again, though.

RUN FOR THE HILLS.

OP, just get out of this 'marriage'. You deserve better, you deserve peace!

Your husband and his friends make me sick. I'd report to police as these women may be in danger. Not all men do this and the fact that there are a few in a group, egging each other on terrifies me. Just like paedophiles have 'rings' your H and his friends have one too. Just sick.

Men who behave like this hate women. There's no other explanation for it.

Glad you'll be filing for divorce, OP. Life is too short to be tied to a misogynistic hateful arsehole.

Wait, your husband is aiding his friends STALK a woman for sexual purposes?

No thank you sir.

They sounds extremely immature (are they very young? Not that it’s any excuse). Engaging in stuff like that alone - creepy and gross. But Doing stuff like that with a group of friends sounds almost like some kind of organised sex-stalker group. It’s extremely sinister, all kind of fucked-up.
I couldn’t get over the fact that he’d rather do this than have sex with his new wife - less than a year you’ve been married? Fuck that! You should still be in the having loads of sex/honeymoon period!

I’m only glad that you’ve found out so soon OP and not wasted years and years of your life on this misogynistic, creepy arsewipe!

So grim.

Also in the context of the current mood of the nation, as well as calling it out in the context of your relationship, he needs to know that this is exactly what we're talking about when we are asking men to be our allies and calling this out to their friends.

Please report him to the police if you have the strength