Oh my gosh op, this has knocked me sick and I feel really worried and scared for these women, and repulsed by your DH.
And I say this with alot of weight behind it as I'm usually on the other side of the fence when I read threads about porn/porn use/some SM stuff (liking photos etc)
But this, is not right. He is working amongst a "pack" of men, trying to find out women identities online, talking about them in derogatory ways? Basically online stalking. These women do not deserve to be treated this way & not just that but it is frightening.
Think about it objectively for a moment. You post on munsnet anonymously, you post here to get advice, be heard, give advice. Another poster makes it life's work to find out who you are, along with other women. When they find out who you are, they then pass information around, make comment, be cruel about you, prehaps even go as far to find out where you work, what car you drive, who your family are, start deciding if to follow you, befriend you etc.
Is that normal? Are you OK with that?
Of course you are not. Your husband and his friends are doing exactly this behaviour, with an extra and dangerous element of sexual interest.
Throw in the mix him spending all his time on his phone, and not engaged with you - I mean, what more do you need?
This is scary behaviour and I would be planning to leave him ASAP, and prehaps even make note or report of his behaviour, you could be saving a poor woman from something more sinister than "boy talk" (which is absolutely no excuse/reason for being disgusting creeps)
Reminds me of that series, You, on netflix.
I dont think I'm overreacting with any of this.
Disturbing behaviour, op.