DH and his creepy friends

[SeafoamGreen]

DH and I have known each other for 3 years, been married for less than 1.

6 months ago, he started declining my advances to have sex and would spend hours every night sitting on the sofa scrolling through his phone and chatting with his friends.

At first I thought it was me, but as far as I know nothing has changed on my end.

So then I thought that he could be having an affair.

I know it’s wrong but I did read through his incoming notifications the other day while he was taking a nap. I didn’t see any indications of an affair but I did catch a glimpse of his group chat.

They were linking usernames on Reddit and Only Fans rating women and making comments like loose, butter face (?), has deepthroat clips and there was even this message where someone said he finally solved it and linked the Instagram and LinkedIn profile of this woman.

Yesterday night I mentioned it and DH was angry at first storming off to the bedroom. 30 minutes later, he came back and said he didn’t like me looking at his phone (fair enough) but that it was just the boys doing their thing and that there was nothing he could do and that his only contribution (he scrolled through his phone here for me to see) was a comment saying zoom in on her computer screen you can see her work uniform in the reflection??

I feel so uncomfortable with it all.

Have you posted about this before OP, he wants you to do rough anal and deep throating and the wife or g/f of his friend called you a prude?

Anyone who makes you out to be the bad guy and doesn't support you needs removing from your life. If they want to be married to thirsy, mysogynistic bone heads that's their lookout.

Don't ever be ashamed for expecting better and wanting more.

@SeafoamGreen, don't worry about what anyone else thinks about you leaving the marriage, it's not their damn business and any gossip will be a nine days wonder and then forgotten.You admit you married on a whim so this marriage was probably never going to go the distance. Now you've seen the sort of man he is you'll never trust him so get the divorce and move on with your life.

I wouldn't be surprised if half the people telling you off for being "sex negative" are actually men, the little beggers try and creep in everywhere!

I wouldn't be surprised if half the people telling you off for being "sex negative" are actually men, the little beggers try and creep in everywhere!

@Daleksatemyshed Unfortunately there are a lot of 'feminists' who are actually Handmaidens of the Patriarchy.

@closetbeanmuncher I remember that post. The fact the friend had a go at her was really bad. What made you think it's the same person. Any obvious links?

Op -
I'm really laid back, have no issue with porn amongst other things, and I would leave this man 💯. It's borderline stalking and plain creepy. You're more than justified. I don't think this is you over reacting at all. I hope you're ok. X

"I haven't asked or wanted to have sex in the past 3 months. Think he finds me boring now that there's better content online."

Stop there: Look at you playing the 'poor ugly me can't compare' hiding behind the gallows humour, card.

Reality: He thinks these women are dirt ho's and you are a doormat. Dig deeper and eventually you will find him sharing 'funny stories' about the size of your fanny.

I get quite angry with women putting up with this shit. Trouble is you dump him and he will find someone else - another delusional self - pitying woman who won't wake up and smell the rancid coffee. Then rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.

Tough love: Develop some self-respect. Politically and personally. Better still - if you don't feel it - act as if you do. I know I'm being rough, but you won't save yourself otherwise will you? This is shit street that you're on.

Very similar story @EarthSight, and if I remember correctly the previous OP also being reluctant to finish it for fear of being shamed by her "friends" as is the case here.

I really do hope she leaves him, all I can picture is sloth from the goonies beating one off to reddit, such a fucking loser.

So, on the one hand according to him women in the porn industry are "fake" and "not real" women
On the other hand Sex work/only fans is just work like any other

So, its fine to do porn work but if you do that puts you in the category of not a real person. So dehumanising (and illogical)

@yetmorecrap

These youngish girls doing this are I think seriously, seriously going to regret this a few years down the line— decent men may sadly enjoy a good wank over you- they won’t however want their mum or brother or even friends knowing you were in that game.

To be honest, I don't think the sort of men you describe should be described as "decent". We need to up our expectations, even if it significantly reduces the number of men that qualify as "decent". However I do agree about the number of youngish girls that will regret doing it.