Would you want to know

[Conneduzzled]

So discovered he was married and now being given some sob story about how it was over years ago, living separately, not sleeping together, haven’t in years, we put up a United front for the DCs who are now adults, (but now suddenly is getting divorced) etc etc etc please don’t leave me please don’t tell her as I’ve so much to lose if they all finds out during the divorce finalisation Dcs will be upset and on it goes..

I’m indifferent at this point, once a liar and all that, actually that’s a lie I’m numb and I’m in shock but do I just walk away with my head held high...or do I break the unfortunate news. I’ve no wish for revenge but I hate the fact that he withholds information and keeps everyone in the dark. It’s some sort of control thing I think. At this point I think a dignified silence is best. We have been dating for 2 years.

Help!!

Would I want to know if my partner was a scumball? Fuck yes. So I could have the choice to live the remainder of my life free of him.

It's obviously not 'for the kids' if they are adults.
And a 2 year affair is some sick, sick shit. We aren't talking a drunken fling here. And you just know he's been screwing her at the same time, the rat.

Walk away.

Don't chuck a grenade into his family's life, tempting though it may seem.

Block him on every social media platform and don't beat yourself up about falling for his lies.

If I were his wife I’d want to know yes.

Walk away

He's still living with her and you've dated him 2 years? You need to walk away, he's a married man, I wouldn't seek revenge.

I would want to know because I wouldn’t want to remain married and waste my life with someone who had so little respect for me.

Oh god. I can’t even think about it. I feel sick to my stomach. He says he hasn’t and I want to obviously believe that. Jesus Christ. Is it remotely possible he hasn’t been? Apparently telling her would hurt everyone including me and damage his relationship with them. So much for being separated or it wouldn’t be an issue. What a prick.

Not living together no. It goes against everything to tell anyone. I am just so furious I was lied to. I would never ever ever have gone anywhere near him.

I wouldn’t necessity tell his family, but if anyone asks you directly why you split, then be honest. Tell people you have discovered that he is married. Hold your head up high.

He says he is divorcing so it didn’t make a difference as they were separated. But I can’t tell her, or the DC. I mean talk about outright catching yourself out. Cockwomble.

IHeshouldn’t have had an affair if he didn’t want to affect his relationship with his family. Remember, he’s the one who’s damaged the relationship, not you.

Divorcing and still living with his wife, for two years... If he were serious, he would have left her ages ago.

That’s what I said but apparently the finances were too complicated. Fuckwit. Sorry for all
The swearing i am furious. He moved out long before that she lives in another city. He visits a lot. And travels a lot. When he met me he wanted to divorce her ‘properly’ or so he claims.

He’s had the violins out all day. I’m the victim in all this woe is me boo hoo hoo. I wanted to leave but she was mentally ill. That little gem. You cannot make this up!

I'd tell her. She deserves to know she's wasting her life on a looser.

So you are only hearing about the separation and divorce now? It never came up in the two years you were together?

If that is so, this is one shocking betrayal of both you and his wife and family. He has little to lose if what he is saying is true so more bullshit. I wouldn't out him, not to protect him, but to keep yourself out of this swamp. You may be blamed which will add to your pain.

You deserve much better than this. Find an honest man to love

Yes, all these revelations have come tumbling out. I knew they had ‘an amicable separation’ and very much involved for the sake of the DCs. I wondered about that as they are adults but just trusted him! I had no idea the extent of it. Holidays together, birthdays (normal) buying mother day gifts. I’m such a fucking idiot. It’s been 72 hours of hell and I am numb. And angry very very angry.
I think he’s had a breakdown. Must be stressful keeping up with the lies.

I was told she was mentally ill so he had to be around for all of them. What a crock of shit if I ever did hear it.

Tell her, don’t let him have a win-win of being to date you and also look like the perfect devoted husband/dad. Break his facade

If she is mentally ill it's likely down to being married to a gaslighting liar, who is a prick for adding to her any underlying issues she might have by fucking someone else for two years.

God men like him make my skin crawl. The audacity of him to now say you'd be dropping a grenade in his life.

I'm always torn on these ones and can never answer definitively. If she doesn't think there's an issue and feels he is good to her (unlikely) maybe ignorance is bliss for some people but most people would want to know so that a. they can make an informed decision and b. so they can stop thinking they've gone mad and realise they've been gaslighted by a manipulator.

You need to get a sexual health check too. People like him capable of lying so easily and so selfishly are unlikely to only cheat with one person IME. Get checked out.

If you didn't know they were together for the two years you were with him then I'm so sorry, you must be gutted and he's treated you horrifically

@Conneduzzled

I was told she was mentally ill so he had to be around for all of them. What a crock of shit if I ever did hear it.

If you needed a clincher to tell the poor woman that would be it.

Affair aside - I'd bloody well want to know if my partner was telling people I was mentally ill. Bastard that he is.

Of course he will likely tell her YOU are some mentally unstable stalker if you do tell her. But she deserves the chance to hear and make up her own mind.

Think its the least you can do after doing her husband for 2 years. You sorta owe the poor woman one.

I'd want to know so I could protect myself.

Always.

What a horrible prick! Tell her she should know the truth,sending hugs x

My ex-husband's affair partner's husband told me everything. He struggled with whether to do this or not. However, I am glad he did. I knew nothing and was being lied to week in week out. It was painful at the time but I am now three years on and so much happier. I had no idea how much living in that situation was impacting me mentally and physically. It is as though my mind and body knew something was desperately wrong but I could never place what it was. If you do inform her, keep it factual and be open to more questions coming I think.

Yes I would want to know. For me things would be worse finding out other people knew and I didn’t