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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

BF growing weed in my house

344 replies

suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:06

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I had a sort of FWB who came to stay temporarily on the 1st Jan because he got kicked out of home. Almost 3 months on he's still here - no money to move out and refuses to. Intact the council and present as homeless.

I have a 14 year old daughter and I have mental health issues (no polar). I'm absolutely useless at standing up for myself and now everything has got out of hand.

One night we were drunk he said he thought he'd like to grow weed in my attic and I kind of shrugged it off thinking it was pie in the sky. Then just like that the seeds and pots etc. Started arriving.

I wish upon wish that I'd spoken up then but fast forward and he's actually set up the plants in my spare room! He's got 6 growing strong. Says it'll be a slap in the wrist if he's caught and that nothing will happen to me but I can't find anything online with a direct answer to this.

I'm terrified, not sleeping, snapping at my daughter. He's a serious cocaine addict too. I guess I'm scared of him he has a terrible temper plus no where to go right now. I just want my home back but I'm scared and I don't know what to do.

I guess I just want some words of wisdom if anyone's out there?

OP posts:

Seeline · 09/03/2021 11:09

Weed killer?

Original poster

suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:10

That's not a bad idea. Would he know? He'd lose it with me if he found out

OP posts:

Meggymoo777 · 09/03/2021 11:11

Little bit of nail polish remover in the soil of each plant... I did this to a housemates plants many years ago in a house share.

But seriously, why do you have a drug addict staying in your house where your child lives? You need to get him out

Original poster

suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:11

I was contemplating calling the police and explaining everything but what if they don't believe me? I can't have anything happen to my daughter

OP posts:

BehindMyEyes · 09/03/2021 11:11

Not for the plants ......

Alexandernevermind · 09/03/2021 11:12

Phone the police and explain it all to them. Tell them you are frightened of him and concerned for the safety of you and your daughter.

BumBurnerBum · 09/03/2021 11:12

Did you really invite a 'serious cocaine addict' to come and live with you and your 14 year old daughter??

BlackSabbath · 09/03/2021 11:13

Erm..sorry to burst your bubble but of course something will happen to you if you're caught. It's your house! I doubt they will believe you if you try and say you didn't know the plants were there, will they? My neighbours were caught growing cannabis and relieved much more than a 'slap on the wrist'

You want rid of the plants and rid of the boyfriend too, he sounds like bad news. Why the fuck can't he grow them in his own house? I bet It's because if he's caught, he doesn't want to take the blame. And of course the blame will lie mostly with you as it's your bloody house! You could get charged with intent to supply which is very serious.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 09/03/2021 11:13

This is a lot bigger than someone growing weed. If you're scared of him, get some support to work out how to safely set boundaries and get him out.
It's affecting how you interact with your daughter at an age when she might be really sensitive to it. The fact you've noticed that shows you really care about her. Just access some help to enable you to follow through.

Women's aid might be a source of support.

Original poster

suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:14

I'm scared they'll contact the CPS and what with my mental health issues it could be seen that I'm not able to care for her.

I've already had to move due to another abusive relationship. What the hell is wrong with me I always end up being coerced

OP posts:

BlackSabbath · 09/03/2021 11:14

That's not a bad idea. Would he know? He'd lose it with me if he found out

You should be loosing him. What an arsehole.

AfterSchoolWorry · 09/03/2021 11:15

OP, you are being cuckooed.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuckooing

Contact women's aid and get advice, you need help with this.

BlackSabbath · 09/03/2021 11:15

OP if you ignore this you could land in very hot water

You need to phone the police and tell them everything

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 09/03/2021 11:15

Try not to give yourself a hard time. Women's aid should understand and give support and help you to make a safety plan. It's worse to let the situation evolve for longer than to act on your instincts now.

Original poster

suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:15

I didn't know about the cocaine addiction until he'd already moved here and because he doesn't have anywhere else to go I now feel I can't kick him out.

But you're all right, I should

OP posts:

Chimoia · 09/03/2021 11:15

It's called cukooing I think you could report yourself to the adult safeguarding team and they would hopefully help.

AlwaysLatte · 09/03/2021 11:15

Just go and bag them up and burn them! No way would I have drugs in the house with a child!

seensome · 09/03/2021 11:16

Weed killer 😂
Just tell him he has to go, let him go to a hotel if he has to! Harsh but it'll make him find a job and place to stay, it's not your problem he can't sort him self out, you have a daughter to look after. He sounds like a real loser and it's not nice for you or your daughter to have him sponging off you in your house.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 09/03/2021 11:16

You don't owe waifs and strays unlimited housing. Your responsibilities are to yourself and your daughter. Grown adults can sort themselves out.

MaLarkinn · 09/03/2021 11:16

You need to get rid.

My friend is currently out on bail, signing on 3 times per week, social services and school have been informed.

She's looking at 3 to 4 years.

He said it would be a slap on the wrist too............

At the very least you would be charged for allowing your home to be used as a grow house.

If home is council owned you could lose your home.

Please kick him out.

forrestgreen · 09/03/2021 11:16

Ring the police tell them you're being coerced and this drug addict has taken over your home, is growing weed, and won't leave.
However I would hope that social care would get involved, because your boundaries are completely wrong and you do need support.

Original poster

suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:17

@AfterSchoolWorry wow that really rang true. Do CPS get told if you contact women's aid?

OP posts:

oil0W0lio · 09/03/2021 11:17

You should try to end your relationship with this abusive man OP, he is exploiting you, do you have any real life back up to get this man out of your house and then change the locks?

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 09/03/2021 11:17

OP, have you got friends or family who would speak in your behalf?

You don’t just need rid of his plants but if him.

A friend / brother/ sister who would sit alongside you and tell him that he needs to move out within 3 days.

And that after that his belongings will be out in the street.

Dayafterday · 09/03/2021 11:17

Are you in a relationship with him and living like a couple?

What would happen if you ended it and asked him to leave? Be really firm about it. If he doesn’t leave, then you involve the police to get Him out.

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