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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

BF growing weed in my house

344 replies

suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:06

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I had a sort of FWB who came to stay temporarily on the 1st Jan because he got kicked out of home. Almost 3 months on he's still here - no money to move out and refuses to. Intact the council and present as homeless.

I have a 14 year old daughter and I have mental health issues (no polar). I'm absolutely useless at standing up for myself and now everything has got out of hand.

One night we were drunk he said he thought he'd like to grow weed in my attic and I kind of shrugged it off thinking it was pie in the sky. Then just like that the seeds and pots etc. Started arriving.

I wish upon wish that I'd spoken up then but fast forward and he's actually set up the plants in my spare room! He's got 6 growing strong. Says it'll be a slap in the wrist if he's caught and that nothing will happen to me but I can't find anything online with a direct answer to this.

I'm terrified, not sleeping, snapping at my daughter. He's a serious cocaine addict too. I guess I'm scared of him he has a terrible temper plus no where to go right now. I just want my home back but I'm scared and I don't know what to do.

I guess I just want some words of wisdom if anyone's out there?

OP posts:
Cockenspiel · 09/03/2021 11:17

Call the police and explain he is dangerous and you are very scared and need him removing from your home.

BumBurnerBum · 09/03/2021 11:18

@suzievisor

I didn't know about the cocaine addiction until he'd already moved here and because he doesn't have anywhere else to go I now feel I can't kick him out.

But you're all right, I should

Ah ok. Well now that you do he must go. Get police help if necessary.
MaLarkinn · 09/03/2021 11:18

I don't agree with the advice to call the police, just get rid of the plants and him.

What stage are they at, do you know?

muddledmidget · 09/03/2021 11:19

Of course you can kick him out, you owe him nothing, and you owe your daughter everything.

Why should a 14 y/o have to live with a coke addict criminal just because you feel you owe him a roof over his head. Give him til the weekend for him and his plants to be gone if you want to be fair, personally I'd just tell him to go now, and ask for police support if you feel he might get nasty/violent

Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:19

I can't tell anyone what's happening. I'm too ashamed

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 09/03/2021 11:19

It's him or your daughter.
Pick.

VettiyaIruken · 09/03/2021 11:20

Posted too soon.
You can do this!

Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:20

They're about two weeks old... a couple of inches high. I only looked yesterday as didn't want to go near them

OP posts:
Seeline · 09/03/2021 11:20

I have a 14 year old daughter and I have mental health issues (no polar). I'm absolutely useless at standing up for myself and now everything has got out of hand.

How about standing up for your DD?

She is sharing her home with a drug addict and living in a weed factory. How would you feel if she got into drugs? It's got to be a strong possibility - you are obviously OK with drugs as you are allowing it all in her home, so what's the problem?

You are frightened of him - would he harm your DD? Can he be trusted with her?

Think it's time to get your act together and throw him out. Change the locks.

ProfessorSlocombe · 09/03/2021 11:20

If police end up attending and proceeding with a criminal prosecution the OP could be in very serious trouble. Quite aside from the immediate criminal penalties, if the prosecution are able to prove a charge of Production rather than Cultivation, then the Proceeds Of Crime Act may be invoked, and the OP could end up having to repay what the court determines they "made" from their crime.

And "I didn't know what was going on" isn't a great defence.

Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:22

Okay thank you everyone I'm going to talk to him tonight. I am so scared.

I've told my daughter she needs to meet a friend so she's not here

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 09/03/2021 11:22

[quote suzievisor]@AfterSchoolWorry wow that really rang true. Do CPS get told if you contact women's aid?[/quote]
I don't know, you are the victim here. Hopefully someone who knows more than me can advise.

seensome · 09/03/2021 11:24

Good luck, just be firm, it's not working out and he has to go tonight, threaten him with telling the police if you have to.

user1493494961 · 09/03/2021 11:24

If you don't kick him out you could lose your daughter.

AtLeastPretendToCare · 09/03/2021 11:24

OP you need to put the shame to one side and reach out for help. Go to those who love you, ideally local and get their practical help or at least moral support.

The fact he has nowhere else to go isn’t your problem.

Personally I would wait until he is out, change the locks and put his stuff on the doorstep when you know he will be home. Have one or more people at home with you* to support you if he kicks off outside. Record anything he does when he finds out.

*yes I know this isn’t allowed under lockdown but I think in this case the ends justify the means.

Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:25

Thanks so much everyone I needed to hear this

OP posts:
SuperLoudPoppingAction · 09/03/2021 11:26

I strongly recommend you speak to someone who can help you make a safety plan before you speak to him.

If you're scared, that fear is there for a reason.

It's a signal to look after yourself.

You at least need a supportive sounding board so you can pick apart both the risk of the situation continuing and the risk of you asking him to leave. Does that make sense?

Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:28

Yes it does. I think I'll go out and call women's aid. Oh but I can't because then I'll be leaving dd here with him.

What a bloody mess

OP posts:
choosername1234 · 09/03/2021 11:30

You are the victim here - cuckooing is a crime and you are the victim of that crime. You need to take steps to protect yourself but mostly your daughter, the more proactive you can be to protect her the "better" it will appear to the services who will help you.

This situation is likely to get worse not better

I have attached a screenshot from crimestoppers who can help. As other posters have mentioned, Women's Aid are another good organisation. Could you even call 101 or speak to the safeguarding lead at the school

BF growing weed in my house
sanfranfibber · 09/03/2021 11:35

@suzievisor

Okay thank you everyone I'm going to talk to him tonight. I am so scared.

I've told my daughter she needs to meet a friend so she's not here

OP this is a terrible idea. Phone women's aid or the police. Don't confront him when you're on your own. Not only have you already said you can't stand up for yourself, but you could be in danger.
Annonymiss123 · 09/03/2021 11:38

@suzievisor

Okay thank you everyone I'm going to talk to him tonight. I am so scared.

I've told my daughter she needs to meet a friend so she's not here

Have you someone who can be with you when you talk to him?

You said in your first post that he got kicked out of home - there was obviously good reason!

Good luck. Flowers

JorisBonson · 09/03/2021 11:38

This is 100% cuckooing OP. Please call the police.

Ladymouse · 09/03/2021 11:40

I would contact the police and explain your vulnerable and being taken advantage of. This is called cuckooing were criminals take advantage of vulnerable people and use there homes to grow/sell weed from. You won't be in trouble if you go to the police but you could be if you don't. If someone reports you and the police raid your home you will only probably get a caution (ridiculous justice system) but if you live in a council property they can throw you out.
I wouldn't kill the plants though especially if your scared of him and he might not even be growing it just for himself it could be another criminals grow. If he finds out he may think you then 'owe' him his loss (know from experience).
Good luck OP x

Wnikat · 09/03/2021 11:41

Next time he goes out change the locks and leave his stuff outside for him to collect. Bin his plants. If he kicks off, call the police.

Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:42

I just bloody told him. Why did I do that. I felt empowered by what you all said and was just so scared to have them here a minute longer.

He's now ranting and raving throwing stuff

OP posts:
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