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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

BF growing weed in my house

344 replies

suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:06

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I had a sort of FWB who came to stay temporarily on the 1st Jan because he got kicked out of home. Almost 3 months on he's still here - no money to move out and refuses to. Intact the council and present as homeless.

I have a 14 year old daughter and I have mental health issues (no polar). I'm absolutely useless at standing up for myself and now everything has got out of hand.

One night we were drunk he said he thought he'd like to grow weed in my attic and I kind of shrugged it off thinking it was pie in the sky. Then just like that the seeds and pots etc. Started arriving.

I wish upon wish that I'd spoken up then but fast forward and he's actually set up the plants in my spare room! He's got 6 growing strong. Says it'll be a slap in the wrist if he's caught and that nothing will happen to me but I can't find anything online with a direct answer to this.

I'm terrified, not sleeping, snapping at my daughter. He's a serious cocaine addict too. I guess I'm scared of him he has a terrible temper plus no where to go right now. I just want my home back but I'm scared and I don't know what to do.

I guess I just want some words of wisdom if anyone's out there?

OP posts:
Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:43

I do live in a council house. I got it a year ago and it's my pride and joy to be honest. If I lose it I lose everything. I'm getting my daughter and I ready and going out ASAP

OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 09/03/2021 11:44

CPS sentencing guidelines for 9 plants and under is a suspended sentence for first time offenders. To go from cultivation to production (step up in charges) you need to have 25+ plants.

rulerbirds · 09/03/2021 11:44

Jesus Christ.
You need help. Now.
Go out, call the police. Say you’ve got a violent drug abuser living in your home. You’ve asked him to leave and he refuses. Today he’s set up what looks like cannabis plants inside your house. Say to them I do not agree with this. I do not want them in my house. I need urgent help. Please help me to get the drugs out of my house. Ring them now.

rulerbirds · 09/03/2021 11:45

Pick up the plants and Chuck them out of the front door. When he leaves to go get them, bolt the door so he can’t get in. Video him and call the police while he’s raging

nimbuscloud · 09/03/2021 11:46

Call the police

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 09/03/2021 11:47

OP, honestly and truly, at present you have NOTHING to be ashamed of.

It is much more important that you get support for this than worry about needless shame - no one would blame or judge you at this point.

But you really do have to take decisive action now and get him out. You have to be a Mum to your dd. And if you need support from a family member or friend that you can trust, then so be it.

If not, then you have to be able to be serious and deadly with him tonight. Tell him it is non-negotiable and if he doesn't go you will call the police.

You could also just change the locks, send him a message, and put his stuff on the doorstep - and be prepared to call the police immediately if he kicks off.

Not nice, daunting, I know, but in situations like this you have to act to protect your dd. And yourself of course, but your dd is the person who has no way of protecting herself in this set up.

PricklesAndSpikes · 09/03/2021 11:48

There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, your kindness has been taken advantage of, which you have now realised (good for you, many aren't so strong) and now it's time to sort the matter out. Look at your daughter and think how you would feel and what you would advise her to do if she came to you and told you what you have told us.

Reach out to Women's Aid and get their advice. Speak to family and / or friends. Let them help you as you would no doubt help them if the situation were reversed. If he is likely to get violent, then speak to the police and ask them to be in attendance when you ask him to leave (get rid of the plants first!). Or at least have a couple of friends there who can ring the police if things become ugly. Act soon whilst you are clear-headed.

But you are absolutely correct that him and his plants needs to go and you need to put your daughter (and yourself) first and remove this mess from your life. Stay strong.

Babyiskickingmyribs · 09/03/2021 11:48

Leave the house now. Take your daughter with you. Don’t tell him you’re doing this, just go. And call 999. Tell them you’ve asked a man staying with you temporarily to leave and he’s refusing and is becoming violent and you’re scared for your safety.

Supmama · 09/03/2021 11:49

Please call the police and to get him out!

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 09/03/2021 11:49

OMG, x-posted.

OP - CALL THE POLICE.

fgs. You could lose your council house, cannabis plants growing there.

Put his stuff out, lock the door, leave the key in the lock on the inside so he can't get in if he has a key in his pocket and CALL THE POLICE,.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 09/03/2021 11:52

Are you able to get your daughter out and phone the police once you're safe? At this point, if he's trashing your house, you might not want to wait.

Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:53

We're going out now

OP posts:
Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:53

I'm avoiding calling the police at all costs as I don't want social services involved

OP posts:
ProfessorSlocombe · 09/03/2021 11:54

@theemmadilemma

CPS sentencing guidelines for 9 plants and under is a suspended sentence for first time offenders. To go from cultivation to production (step up in charges) you need to have 25+ plants.
If guidelines aren't followed, there's little you can do unless you are prepared to chase it up to the appeal courts.

Production has nothing to do with the number of plants. It's the charge when someone is growing cannabis as a "production line". So more than once in time, not space. If police find evidence of previous grows, plus evidence of dealing (they would go over the OPs finances with a fine toothcomb) the CPS would push for a charge of production. Which could trigger POCA hearing, and a court order to repay the profits of crime.

Only the OP can decide what they want to do. But they need to be aware the seriousness of the situation.

velvetpeach · 09/03/2021 11:54

Isn't your daughter at school?

Etinox · 09/03/2021 11:54

Call the police now. You are the victim here.
Flowers

pointythings · 09/03/2021 11:55

Don't be afraid of social services. Call the police. You will be seen to be doing the right thing. And be honest with yourself - you need and deserve support.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 09/03/2021 11:56

Social Services will not get involved just because you need to get a nasty violent man out of your house!

StylishMummy · 09/03/2021 11:56

CALL THE POLICE. They will not take your child from you if you cooperate with them & explain.

BigRedBoat · 09/03/2021 11:56

Call the police, even if social services get involved it would look much better on you if you were taking steps to get your daughter out of this situation. They might be able to offer you support and help you but it won't look so good if you won't help yourself or your daughter.

GeoffreyGeoffreys · 09/03/2021 11:56

Are you leaving him in your house OP? You can't do this without their help, please call them now. Your house needs to be a safe place for you and your daughter

PricklesAndSpikes · 09/03/2021 11:56

Just seen your update. You ring the police and say what Rulerbirds said...

UhtredRagnarson · 09/03/2021 11:57
Angry

Poor kid.

Make better decisions OP!

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 09/03/2021 11:57

If he is smashing up your house and refusing to leave, what else can you do but call the police?

SS will not be involved.

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