Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

BF growing weed in my house

344 replies

suzievisor · 09/03/2021 11:06

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I had a sort of FWB who came to stay temporarily on the 1st Jan because he got kicked out of home. Almost 3 months on he's still here - no money to move out and refuses to. Intact the council and present as homeless.

I have a 14 year old daughter and I have mental health issues (no polar). I'm absolutely useless at standing up for myself and now everything has got out of hand.

One night we were drunk he said he thought he'd like to grow weed in my attic and I kind of shrugged it off thinking it was pie in the sky. Then just like that the seeds and pots etc. Started arriving.

I wish upon wish that I'd spoken up then but fast forward and he's actually set up the plants in my spare room! He's got 6 growing strong. Says it'll be a slap in the wrist if he's caught and that nothing will happen to me but I can't find anything online with a direct answer to this.

I'm terrified, not sleeping, snapping at my daughter. He's a serious cocaine addict too. I guess I'm scared of him he has a terrible temper plus no where to go right now. I just want my home back but I'm scared and I don't know what to do.

I guess I just want some words of wisdom if anyone's out there?

OP posts:
Original poster
suzievisor · 09/03/2021 12:28

I'm so ashamed

OP posts:
oil0W0lio · 09/03/2021 12:28

Try not to engage with him, just let him go
also write a detailed account of everything that happened just in case you need to refer to it in the future

UhtredRagnarson · 09/03/2021 12:29

Change your locks, block him on all social media, remove every trace of him from the house and stay single.

Weirdfan · 09/03/2021 12:29

This is your chance OP, the bigger those plants get the less believable it will be that you didn't agree to it, please, please call the police. All SS will want to know if they do become involved is that he is gone and you won't be allowing him back and the quicker you call the police the more obvious it will be that you've tried to make that happen. You're worrying about the wrong things and I understand why but honestly it will be ok if you call the police.

oakleaffy · 09/03/2021 12:29

@CantBeAssed

Switch the lamps off..itl hopefully put the plants into shock... And it will be you who will be arrested and charged as they are in your property...
Plants {Most species} require set amounts of light and darkness to flower, if you wanted to disrupt them, put the light on momentarily in the critical dark period.

They won't flower.

{Learned this in A level Biology, where photoperiod was used in questions}

But you are indeed being coerced into illegal activity.

oil0W0lio · 09/03/2021 12:30

@suzievisor

I'm so ashamed
He deliberately and knowingly exploited you,it's not your fault, he knew exactly what he was doing It's not your fault and you've taken steps to do the right thing Nothing to be ashamed of
Sexnotgender · 09/03/2021 12:31

@suzievisor

I didn't know about the cocaine addiction until he'd already moved here and because he doesn't have anywhere else to go I now feel I can't kick him out.

But you're all right, I should

You can kick him out! Put you and your children first ahead of this loser. He’s using you.
GeidiPrimes · 09/03/2021 12:31

Can you get a pal to keep you company while he's packing up his stuff? Cocaine-addicted men are usually utter bastards.

GeoffreyGeoffreys · 09/03/2021 12:31

I'd really advise you call the police OP. He won't leave of his own accord you'll have a battle on your hands.

Humberbear · 09/03/2021 12:32

You should tell the police otherwise he could turn it all on you. He could claim its all yours and when he found out, you threw him out. If he's angry with you and nowhere to go he won't be taking it with him.

Justcallmebebes · 09/03/2021 12:33

You've got a drug addict growing weed in your house with your 14 year old daughter and you're afraid to kick him out because he has nowhere to go?? You need to give your head a serious wobble

oakleaffy · 09/03/2021 12:33

@suzievisor

I just bloody told him. Why did I do that. I felt empowered by what you all said and was just so scared to have them here a minute longer.

He's now ranting and raving throwing stuff

Bless you.

He sounds utterly vile.

Who is paying the substantial electricity bill??

You, is my guess.

Sexnotgender · 09/03/2021 12:36

@suzievisor

So she's with a friend and I'm home. He's packing everything up and seems to be leaving but I'm going to a friend's house anyway. He's not directly talking to me but muttering that I'm a cunt and never had his back, no one cares about him, he's got no where to go etc.

I need to tell my friend everything when I get there as she'll want to know why I'm breaking lockdown

Can you phone a (hopefully large male) friend to drop by?

Ignore his muttering, the only person he cares about is himself. He’s trying to make you feel guilty.

saffire · 09/03/2021 12:36

Wee on them!
Seriously you need to go to the police and say that you're scared and he won't leave.

Does he leave the house at all?

oakleaffy · 09/03/2021 12:36

@Humberbear

You should tell the police otherwise he could turn it all on you. He could claim its all yours and when he found out, you threw him out. If he's angry with you and nowhere to go he won't be taking it with him.
Yes, this is a significant possibility.

You need to make copies of this thread, with dates on.

What a thoroughly awful man.

It is also illegal {I think?} to allow premises to be used for growing weed, so you in theory could be arrested if it could bee shown you know about it, which you do.

Sleepingdogs12 · 09/03/2021 12:38

Yes you've been cookood you are putting your child at risk. Please call the police to sort this out

Weirdfan · 09/03/2021 12:39

Imagine being so parasitic that you have to wheedle your way into someone else's home and then make them too afraid to ask you to leave. The only shame here belongs to him OP, no one will think less of you for attempting to be kind to someone who turned out not to deserve it, that's not any kind of failing on your part.

What matters now is getting support behind you so you can get your lovely little house back to yourself (and DD of course) and stop him doing any more damage to the life you'd managed to build for you and DD. That doesn't sound like it's been without struggles so don't let that scumbag take it from you Flowers

boltfromtheblueblue · 09/03/2021 12:40

It's not your fault and you've taken steps to do the right thing Nothing to be ashamed of

You're trying to be nice here but it's not helpful to OP to pretend its not her fault. It is her fault and she should be ashamed. And she should use that knowledge to not get into such a mess again.
Telling her its not her fault is infantilising, patronising and completely unhelpful.

OP, you need professional help and assistance and to learn how to safeguard your child.

nimbuscloud · 09/03/2021 12:41

Is your daughter not in school?

oil0W0lio · 09/03/2021 12:42

He's probably got a list of other gullible people who he thinks he can cuckoo...

minmooch · 09/03/2021 12:45

Go to your friend and call the police from there. They should be able to meet you at your property to ensure he is gone/keep you safe whilst he leaves.

The sooner you do this the better.

midsummabreak · 09/03/2021 12:46

Do not feel ashamed Cast away your self doubts.
You are not to blame for his behaviour and abuse

Your daughter deserves a safe and happy life and you deserve a safe and happy life and you are taking steps to get him out and get back your safe home
Get police to help you he is not to be trusted.

ScabbyHorse · 09/03/2021 12:48

I think you should call a women's charity when he's gone to ask for advice. If he won't go or if he comes back and is aggressive, you must call the police. Has he got his own key?

CarnationCat · 09/03/2021 12:48

Don't be ashamed. You let the situation get out of hand but you are attempting to tackle it now.

I think you should go back to your house later with your friend and clear out his stuff. Also get the locks changed. If he refuses to leave/becomes aggressive, you do need to call the police.

To the posters making jokes about the situation, a 14 year old girl and her mother are living with a violent, drug addict. Get a grip.

timeisnotaline · 09/03/2021 12:49

Change your locks ASAP.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.