BF growing weed in my house

[suzievisor]

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I had a sort of FWB who came to stay temporarily on the 1st Jan because he got kicked out of home. Almost 3 months on he's still here - no money to move out and refuses to. Intact the council and present as homeless.

I have a 14 year old daughter and I have mental health issues (no polar). I'm absolutely useless at standing up for myself and now everything has got out of hand.

One night we were drunk he said he thought he'd like to grow weed in my attic and I kind of shrugged it off thinking it was pie in the sky. Then just like that the seeds and pots etc. Started arriving.

I wish upon wish that I'd spoken up then but fast forward and he's actually set up the plants in my spare room! He's got 6 growing strong. Says it'll be a slap in the wrist if he's caught and that nothing will happen to me but I can't find anything online with a direct answer to this.

I'm terrified, not sleeping, snapping at my daughter. He's a serious cocaine addict too. I guess I'm scared of him he has a terrible temper plus no where to go right now. I just want my home back but I'm scared and I don't know what to do.

I guess I just want some words of wisdom if anyone's out there?

I think call the police even if he goes. Ring 101 & run it past them.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. This is all his fault.

Jesus Christ. Get him the fuck out

To the posters making jokes about the situation, a 14 year old girl and her mother are living with a violent, drug addict. Get a grip.

Nobody's joked about it, have they?

Many high schools aren't allowing pupils to go in until they've had their 1st covid tests, which are staggered through the week. So the OPs DC not being in school today may not be a worry after all.

OP, I wish you well, you are being so strong, keep going!

I don't think it's OP's fault boltfromtheblueblue, I think she's been taken in by someone who's probably done this to numerous other people and knows exactly what to say to wheedle his way in. Yes there are lessons to be learned about boundaries and being 'too nice' but the fault lies with the arsehole trying to take advantage of people and bully them into housing him and his grow.

@UhtredRagnarson

You better hope it doesn’t snow any time soon or the decision will be out of your hands.

That was oldskool, with snow melting on rooftops. Circa 1990's

I think OP said they were growing in her spare room, not attic.

Well done Op, get him out, change locks if required, end the relationship and don’t look back, don’t be ashamed be proud you dealt with it!
Good luck

Dont go back to your house alone.
Don’t suffer in silence. Get help to get him out, he will escalate his behaviour

The police are there to deal with abusive people like him

That was oldskool, with snow melting on rooftops. Circa 1990's

Ha!! Try two years ago.

I think OP said they were growing in her spare room, not attic.

And where does hot air go?? 🤔

You’ve got nothing to be ashamed about.
You didn’t bring the plants in. You are your own harshest critic. He’s called you a cunt. That’s enough reason to end the relationship alone. Tell him you want the plants gone. He’s having a fucking laugh at your expense. He thinks you’re a fool. You are stronger than this. There’s a difference between not having somebody’s back and not wanting weed in your own home. Do not let him back in. Tell him if you see him again then you’ll call the police. He’s probably got a string of women that he will land on. He’s a user

Let us know how you are OP

@UhtredRagnarson

That was oldskool, with snow melting on rooftops. Circa 1990's

Ha!! Try two years ago.

Look for loads of pigeons getting cosy on the roof too!

Look for loads of pigeons getting cosy on the roof too!

my neighbours pigeons gather on my roof!!

It’s been said before but you must call the police. You are vulnerable and you are doing your daughter a disservice by allowing this man to continue to live in your house. Even if SS do get involved, they will support you but first things first, this man needs to be removed.

@suzievisor

I didn't know about the cocaine addiction until he'd already moved here and because he doesn't have anywhere else to go I now feel I can't kick him out.

But you're all right, I should

Why do you feel that you are responsible for another adult, when, by your own definition, you're struggling to even take responsibility for yourself and your child?

He needs to be gone, with his plants. He needs to be away from you, and you need to be making sure he is away from your daughter.

If you struggle with boundaries, enlist help and support from the Police and Women's Aid, but get it done.

He does not have your best interests at heart, so why do you have his?

it's not foolproof @UhtredRagnarson, can also just be bad insulation.

One of the first things I was taught by an "old sweat" copper was to look for pigeons

it’ll definitely be the bad insulation then!

I don't think it's OP's fault boltfromtheblueblue, I think she's been taken in by someone who's probably done this to numerous other people and knows exactly what to say to wheedle his way in. Yes there are lessons to be learned about boundaries and being 'too nice' but the fault lies with the arsehole trying to take advantage of people and bully them into housing him and his grow

The fault also lies with the parent who takes in homeless drug dealers to live with their children. She did it willingly. She didn't want to ask him to leave even after she found out about the drug habit and the drug growing.
OP is not blameless here, and its ridiculous to suggest she is. She is responsible for her child, not this random person she let into her home.

Your priorities need to be to your child, and to yourself. He's a drug addict putting you and your daughter in considerable danger by growing drugs in the house. You cannot let this continue.

You said you are frightened of him and his "terrible temper". Ring this number now - it's the domestic abuse helpline, 24/7 - and tell them everything, including about how vulnerable you and your daughter are. Tell them everything and ask for their advice.

0808 2000 247

It doesn't matter who's fault it is. Blame won't help.

OP has a responsibility to take care of her daughter and herself. This situation leaves her feeling distinctly not taken care of, so she has to find a way to get herself and her daughter out of this situation.

Personally I think he's abusing her, but abusers don't say 'Oh, sorry, it was my fault I was treating you badly, I'll stop now', at least not with any meaning. Victims need to leave abusers, or report them to somebody who can remove them.

Fault looks backwards, responsibility looks forwards. They are not the same thing.

@Wnikat

Next time he goes out change the locks and leave his stuff outside for him to collect. Bin his plants. If he kicks off, call the police.

That.

Dont talk with him whatever you do. He is dangerous.

Bag up his plants and take down his set up. Change the locks whilst is out (you can leave a key in the lock so he cant get in whilst waiting on the locksmith). If he kicks off, call the police and tell them he was doing cocaine and you dont want him near you or your child.

*just make sure the weed is not in your home when you call the police.

Jesus Christ, I hope to God you have called the police.

Once he is gone, do yourself a favour and stay the fuck away from men. You clearly have no boundaries at all.

And before I get jumped on, yes I know the OP is a victim and he's a total scumbag, but come on, she also has to own her decisions here. Becuase she did decide to move a practical stranger into her home, with her child, who then turns out to be a drug addict and dealer. People don't just fall into these situations. It's an acumulation of many bad decisions from the OP.

And yes, maybe CPS will get involved, because YOU DID put your child in danger.

And for the record I'm a single mother of two, been happily single for years, building my career and home.... Seriously, get a vibrator and forget men !!