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Original poster

partner wants to leave out of nowhere!

224 replies

AngelEyes66 · 05/03/2021 16:09

hi all

i dunno where to start, myself and my partner have been together for 7 years nearly and we have a 2yr old daughter. we have hit a bit of a rut with covid but we dont argue or bicker. we havent been as affectionate lately but still get on. he sent me a valentines card with a lovely message saying 'love you as much now as i always have' then 7 days later he says hes unhappy and has been for 6 months and he wants to leave. to say this was a surprise is an understatement, im heartbroken as i thought that was it for life.
we have always promised to work thru hard times and i feel like its got hard so hes running away!
we have talked and he said he will give us a month to fix it (i asked for 6 months, dont think much will change in a montb).
now he is stonewalling me, wont kiss me back and tells me he isnt in a place he wants to be sexual with me.....what i dont undeestand is he was fine before the 14th feb.
im confused/heartbroken and scared he is throwing it all away. (fyi hes never been good at communicating).
any advice?

OP posts:
Comps83 · 05/03/2021 16:48

The month is to get his shit together to leave and to make sure whoever else he is seeing isn't going to back out
I'm so sorry
It's shit and many of us have been here too.
Tell him he needs to go now not in a month .
What a prick

Swordfish1 · 05/03/2021 16:53

What is the script? I've heard this before but not sure what it is exactly.

MacbookHoHoHo · 05/03/2021 16:54

It’s a book. It’s on Amazon.

SanFranBear · 05/03/2021 16:57

If you look on this thread, about 3 or 4 responses down, CheersMedea has it nailed:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2558126-The-Cheating-Mans-Script

gannett · 05/03/2021 16:58

Whatever the script is, it's irrelevant. It doesn't matter what his reasons are. Whether there's another woman or not.

He's made up his mind enough to tell the OP and that, I'm afraid, is that.

Don't let him flip-flop on you. Don't try to get him to change his mind. Believe him when he says it's over and move on with the logistics of this (ie, he needs to move out ASAP).

He's done his processing so he'll seem cold. Doesn't matter. You can do your processing when he's not there. Make sure you have a good support network around you and shoulders to cry on.

DianeCherry · 05/03/2021 17:04

@gannett

Whatever the script is, it's irrelevant. It doesn't matter what his reasons are. Whether there's another woman or not.

He's made up his mind enough to tell the OP and that, I'm afraid, is that.

Don't let him flip-flop on you. Don't try to get him to change his mind. Believe him when he says it's over and move on with the logistics of this (ie, he needs to move out ASAP).

He's done his processing so he'll seem cold. Doesn't matter. You can do your processing when he's not there. Make sure you have a good support network around you and shoulders to cry on.

Except that men don't move out to be by themselves.
Cuppaza · 05/03/2021 17:06

I’m sorry lo but his head has been turned Flowers

Fabiofatshaft1 · 05/03/2021 17:09

Hi Op

Some great advice given. Front him up. Tell him you don’t need a month and you’d like him to move out NOW.

Pack his stuff and give it to him. Guaranteed within a week when he’s missing you, his child, his comfortable life, and dossing at his mates, he’ll soon wise up and come crawling back,

If he doesn’t, you know there’s someone else on the horizon, and essentially, you’ve lost nothing.

Just wait till you’ve slammed the door on his arse before you have an emotional meltdown......

gannett · 05/03/2021 17:09

Except that men don't move out to be by themselves.

Some do. But why does it matter? He says he wants to leave. What difference does it make why?

GrallaceandWomit · 05/03/2021 17:17

I also agree that he’s got an OW. This happened to me too, do not do the pick me dance.

Serendipity79 · 05/03/2021 17:21

He has met someone else. I'm sorry to say that but I wish someone had been this direct with me when my exH was running rings round me for years.

Dont wait to be chosen or discarded. The second time my ex did this to me, (having become abusive in the two years since I discovered his first affair because he despised me soooo much) I told him he had the evening to pack and when he left for work in the morning his house key was gone off the car keys.

You dont have to wait for him to choose. You can choose to put yourself first right now x

NotAgainNoMore · 05/03/2021 17:22

@AngelEyes66 - has he said why he's so unhappy? Did you talk about how you can 'work on it' during this month?
It doesn't sound good. Only a month, after 7 yrs and a 2 yr old. Plus he's stonewalling you. Nah, he's made up his mind, it's over.
Get your ducks in a row and then tell him to leave.
Yes, it's hard. Get as much support from friends and family as you can. Flowers

itsureis · 05/03/2021 17:26

Not all guys leave because of another woman. My Ex didn't and I know others who didn't either.

Could it be that he's not happy in the relationship anymore and is telling you rather than making you miserable as well 🤷‍♀️

Tankflybosswalkjam · 05/03/2021 17:29

So sorry. “Cherchez la femme.”

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 05/03/2021 17:29

Pretty typical for men to ruminate on something for months or years without displaying any outward sign that they are concerned, only to turn around and drop a bombshell, seemingly completely out of the blue, once they have come to some sort of decision.

This is why the slew of 'it's an OW' posts on these threads baffle me.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 05/03/2021 17:30

Except that men don't move out to be by themselves

This is just mumsnet 'perceived wisdom' nonsense.

Men leave relationships for the exact same reasons women do, and in the exact same manner women do.

crimsonlake · 05/03/2021 17:31

Men seldom leave a half decent marriage unless there is someone else involved. I am sorry it has happened OP, but I agree if he wants to go, tell him where the door is and do not do the pick me dance.

endlesswicker · 05/03/2021 17:33

Has he told you the reasons why he is unhappy in the relationship?

1WayOrAnother2 · 05/03/2021 17:33

He isn't trying to make it work :(
He is giving you a month to realise that he has already left.

I agree with others above: in theory he might suddenly have become unhappy but it is much more likely (especially since he can't kiss you) that he has met/seen someone else.

Sorry - this is a really tough time for you OP.

harknesswitch · 05/03/2021 17:34

He's using this month to get his ducks in a row.

I'd be asking him to leave this weekend

Original poster
AngelEyes66 · 05/03/2021 17:37

hi all
thanks for the reply. i jave had my suspicions there is someone else as we were planning our future a month ago, booked a holiday, plans on what we doing to the house. we were kissing/cuddling still told each other we loved each other daily then this happened.
ive noticed he is frequently on faceboom where as he wasnt before.... he has sworn on our daughter there isnt anyone else. but i know if there is someone he wud never admit it. he also talks about our relationship as if its been 7 years of hell, which is a lie.
our relationship has changed since my daughter came along but dont all relationships?
also what is the script?

OP posts:
missbridgerton · 05/03/2021 17:39

He's already checked out.

No man leaves a comfortable set up unless they've got someone luring them away.

I'm so sorry, this must be a terrible shock, but don't make yourself his back up plan. You deserve better than someone who can throw 7 years and a family away without a backwards glance.

Flowers
GentlemanJay · 05/03/2021 17:39

@XDownwiththissortofthingX

Except that men don't move out to be by themselves

This is just mumsnet 'perceived wisdom' nonsense.

Men leave relationships for the exact same reasons women do, and in the exact same manner women do.

Thank you!
PurpleMustang · 05/03/2021 17:41

Yep sorry but he is following the classic lines and rewriting history. SanFranBear about 3 up from why you just posted as done a link to the Script

PurpleMustang · 05/03/2021 17:43

About 10 sorry from where you just posted