Husband touching someone else

[Pollypocket89]

I need reality check. Without context initially, if you saw your partner hugging another woman with his arms around her but underneath her jacket, what would you think? Would you be OK with that?

I'll flesh that out but I'm just curious on the initial gut reaction

I'd say that suggests a level of intimacy that is usually reserved for close family and partners

@Pollypocket89

Under jacket rather than under top, if that makes any difference

That's still not the normal way to hug friends is it?

@sheilatakeasheilatakeabow

I'd say that suggests a level of intimacy that is usually reserved for close family and partners

Would you put your hand under a family member's jacket to hug them?

Absolutely no way is that acceptable. It's way too intimate.

I would not be happy about this at all.

@Pollypocket89

To answer some questions

Jacket was undone and long enough to cover bum length

It was a friend and ex colleague

And lover

To British sensibilities it's too intimate for friends. Given kissing and holding hands are pretty normal between platonic friends elsewhere, I might give them benefit of the doubt if they're not British and from a more tactile culture.

I might also stick my hands inside a good friends coat if I was incredibly cold and we were hugging to warm up. That would be a different type of hug to the one described though and probably involve the other party giving the hugger a jolly rub on the arms to demonstrate it was all above board and a purely practical exercise to avoid hypothermia. The only person I hug with arms around neck and making eye contact is DH.

It's the jacket thing I'm stuck on, why does that feel intimate?

Maybe because petting involves touching someone underneath their clothing, so touching under a jacket feels intimate. A bit like a prelude to hands on bare skin, hands on bums and boobs...

Would not be happy at all. Way too intimate

Nope

Oh no no no

NO! Never!
Especially not during a pandemic. Yuk.

She embraced him and he slipped his arms underneath her jacket to feel close. They crossed an intimate boundary. I imagine his wife would feel devastated if she had witnessed this.

It feels much too intimate to me. I don't suppose you happened to notice how close their pelvises were, did you?

People in intimate/sexual relationships usually instinctively move their pelvises closer (for obvious reasons) . People in non-sexual/intimate relationships automatically keep their pelvises apart (usually). Apparently it's a body language thing.

" I might give them benefit of the doubt if they're not British and from a more tactile culture."

Like where? I haven't been all around the world, but I've met people from very tactile cultures and they don't put their hands up each others' clothes when hugging.
I don't think there was any suggestion from the OP that the two people were in danger of hypothermia so that doesn't seem relevant.

@Gwenhwyfar

" I might give them benefit of the doubt if they're not British and from a more tactile culture."

Like where? I haven't been all around the world, but I've met people from very tactile cultures and they don't put their hands up each others' clothes when hugging.
I don't think there was any suggestion from the OP that the two people were in danger of hypothermia so that doesn't seem relevant.

Agreed. I'm from a latin country/culture deemed very "tactile", we hug and kiss everyone whenever arriving or leaving somewhere, but if a man put his hands inside my jacket to hug goodbye, it would be either intimate or extremely creepy.

Not ok. It is the sort of thing people in intimate relationships do, especially at the beginning when they really fancy each other and might be in public so obviously cannot take their clothes off! Not ever ok for a married person to do this to someone other than their spouse.

It is highly likely that there is something going on or about to go on between them.

I think a good way to guage if something is beyond platonic - how would you feel if your brother did it. Personally the thought of it makes me want to throw up.

If she'd still be fully dressed with the jacket off then it wouldn't bother me.

Trying to answer questions... My view was front on so could see both of them. I didn't particularly look at pelvis area but there wasn't much distance between full body contact I suppose

I agree with you- soomething is going on or they want it to be.

Normally I would say out of order, but the I remembered I actually have a friend (he is Greek) who I also kiss on the lips when we meet or say goodbye. And we would hug like that. There is below zero sexual chemistry on both sides. But that’s just what we do. And we say I love you 🥰. Yes i know it’s weird. But I have known him for 20 years. No hidden feelings, and he is hetero

Is there more to this thread. Is that it, are we done?

Sounds weird to me. Much more than a friendly hug.

Absolutely no way. Why would you go under a coat when anyone else would hug over the coat? It’s like his hands are able to fondle her under the coat or pull her towards him. It’s heavily intimate. As for her having her arms around his neck - that’s what couples do. Does your friend suspect an affair?