DH won't stop watching porn

[MsTeapot]

It's really late now but I can't sleep and yes, it's another porn one.

DH watches porn daily. I don't know if it's because he doesn't care or if he doesn't know but I can see his entire search history on our shared iPad. I found his reddit account too and he has also upvoted hundreds of pictures of naked women and women in sexual situations.

I confronted him once about this and he told me that it's normal and that all men do it. I thought we had a great sex life, and I genuinely believe we did for the past 10 years. Recently however he wants to do rough anal, deepthroating, and a few more things I won't mention that I find very degrading and he says that porn and reddit lets him experience that as I won't do it with him. I feel sick when I look at him now. Saw him with his phone on the sofa after dinner today and it made me want to throw up.

It's over, isn't it?

She's a sad, pathetic handmaid who needs to stop putting her beak in your business. You don't owe her anything.

Look at it this way: you are getting free of being tied for life with an abusive twat. Because that's what he is. 'uptight bitch' 'kink shaming' and wanting to physically harm you, possibly leaving you with lifelong injury or worse.

I'm so glad you're getting safe and I'm sure your family is, too!

My DF was/is a porn addict. Used to 'tease' us as children that he was watching Disney films on the cine camera he had set up in his bedroom. Actually watching and sharing filth. We used to find his magazines in the kitchen drawers when we were small children.

As I got older he would make vile comments to me such as 'you won't get a man if you don't open your legs '. Also bought me a pair of high heeled pointed shoes to wear to school when I was 12. Ruined my feet, that needed corrective surgery.

My DS told me about the homemade porno film that was 'accidentally ' put on the TV when she visited with her family.

Porn addicts don't make good parents. There's nothing woke or exciting about debasing relationships with women.

You have absolutely done the right thing.

My ex was no saint (believe me!) but he could not stand porn that had women being hurt. There were times I actually asked for it a bit rougher and he didn't want to - he liked to see people's enjoyment not being hurt so I just think you are either that way or you aren't and I don't think your partner will ever change.

Could you get a dildo and shove it hard down his throat as far as you physically can whilst he gags and you make sexual grunts, and maybe shove his head down on it hard to show him how much you're enjoying it? Then pour some yoghurt down his throat at the same time. Ask him if he still enjoys it after that.

This^

Alternatively or even at the same time, force dildo up his arse either regular one or fist shaped one.

Tell him you would like to smash his back door in whilst brandishing a dildo. Or step forward and put the dildo right up to his face and say, 'you want it, bitch ? do you ? '

Ask him how it feels to be on the receiving end and being called frigid for saying no. It's about power and control. It's something he wants to do to you/to women. Not something he wants to have done to him. He doesn't want to be degraded/injured/assaulted/raped etc etc.

A PP commented that BDSM is a willingly shared experience for mutual satisfaction of participants. Anyone forcing it on anyone or coercing them into it has totally missed the point, is doing it wrong and needs to stop.

@Dacquoise That doesn't just sound like porn addiction. That's child abuse.

Yes I agree. Taken me a long time to realise that. Seemed normal at the time.

'when she loses her looks and her asshole'

@LouiseTrees This was part of a longer sentence but her 'friend' might experience your prediction as I've cut & pasted it here! I actually read it like that when I first glanced at it!!

Don't reply to your friend OP. In fact, I would block her and tell her that you are doing so you don't see her messages at all. If she wants to come to you one day to apologise, that will explain to her why you didn't see any of her previous messages. The communication that needs to happen now is practical stuff like moving out arrangements.

It is shit that this is happening at 34, however, if you've been on these forums you will see a lot of women who wish they had left their husbands before they had children. Some of those poor women are tied to some horrible men. It's really sad.

It's up to you how you frame your relationship - an intimate relationship consists of many parts - housemate, friend, lover, co-parent (if you have children), business partner (for some). The lover part has genuinely gone down the pan and I don't think it has a chance of being repaired. You clearly want different things and the things he was after were a bit concerning. Like someone else said here, it wouldn't all surprise me if he would eventually moved on to choking once rough anal wasn't enough.

I don't think men like this are that sexual, actually. If they were, they would be content with what we think of a sex. They wouldn't have to keep chasing the next extreme thing on the list to get thrills.

So sorry @Dacquoise

He did also have an unhealthy obsession with dirty mags and films etc. They could barely afford to feed us both this stuff was also around. Gives me the shivers.

Thank you @EarthSight. Sorted out at therapy so I am thankfully healed.

@cheeseismydownfall

Absolutely agree with your last paragraph

Bloody hell, OP, don’t listen to her! She’s just doing this because he’s being pathetic and emotional at her house and she can’t stand the bloody trauma! Her opinion is utterly irrelevant and she should be told that.

No kids? LEAVE. I mean, even with kids I’d leave. But yes, LEAVE. Your relationship is damaged, this will haunt it it forever

@EarthSight

'when she loses her looks and her asshole'

@LouiseTrees This was part of a longer sentence but her 'friend' might experience your prediction as I've cut & pasted it here! I actually read it like that when I first glanced at it!!

Ha ha love it! I believe the next part was that the friends asshole husband would leave her for a younger woman but your version is funnier

@MsTeapot

Never thought I'd be starting over at almost 34 though.

With the greatest of respect 34 is no age! You have your whole life ahead, without this creep too. You have loads of time to meet someone decent and have kids if you wish.

You won't regret leaving him and your 'friend' sounds like a bitch. Sorry OP. Good luck xx