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Original poster

DH won't stop watching porn

216 replies

MsTeapot · 10/02/2021 00:33

It's really late now but I can't sleep and yes, it's another porn one.

DH watches porn daily. I don't know if it's because he doesn't care or if he doesn't know but I can see his entire search history on our shared iPad. I found his reddit account too and he has also upvoted hundreds of pictures of naked women and women in sexual situations.

I confronted him once about this and he told me that it's normal and that all men do it. I thought we had a great sex life, and I genuinely believe we did for the past 10 years. Recently however he wants to do rough anal, deepthroating, and a few more things I won't mention that I find very degrading and he says that porn and reddit lets him experience that as I won't do it with him. I feel sick when I look at him now. Saw him with his phone on the sofa after dinner today and it made me want to throw up.

It's over, isn't it? Sad

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 14/02/2021 23:04

@MsTeapot

I told DH that I'll be leaving him and filing for divorce. He told me he knew he shouldn't have married an "uptight bitch" and has stormed out of the house to god knows where I don't care. Apparently he's contacted his best mate and told him about it because I received a message hours later from his wife, my friend (same one as before —the 4 of us have known each other for a long, long time) saying "you can't be fucking serious. all this because he's more adventurous". And then another one about how all guys are like that and that I'm giving up on a "good one".

Sent her a message telling her to mind her business and I got a "your loss" back. I can't believe my life has come to this.

She’s a stepford wife and when she loses her looks and her asshole husband dumps her you can laugh. But in all seriousness , it is probable that a high proportion of men watch porn but not that kind, not to that extent and they don’t then go seeking out and messaging women about their throats. You are well off out of it.
gaijinetal · 14/02/2021 23:04

You've also got to be delusional not to realise that the no of women, outside of sex workers of varying types who perform anal and gagging blow jobs for money, who would enjoy these is very low.

He appears to (?) genuinely not realise that.

That makes him unsuitable relationship material for most women.

gaijinetal · 14/02/2021 23:10

Incidentally re. his mate (and wife) - birds of a feather flock together. Men with similar views of relationships, women, sex etc. tend to bond, their friendships last. They often swap porno and offensive materials too.

His mate sounds like another porn sick, chauvanist, "lad" ... And he got himself a woman he can brainwash and manipulate.

Let her cry and choke on cock, do enemas and maybe have reduced faecal continence in future if she wants to .. she's sounds dumber than a sack of spanners (and if she's raising daughters, I feel so fkg sorry for them).

LouiseTrees · 14/02/2021 23:14

@gaijinetal

Incidentally re. his mate (and wife) - birds of a feather flock together. Men with similar views of relationships, women, sex etc. tend to bond, their friendships last. They often swap porno and offensive materials too.

His mate sounds like another porn sick, chauvanist, "lad" ... And he got himself a woman he can brainwash and manipulate.

Let her cry and choke on cock, do enemas and maybe have reduced faecal continence in future if she wants to .. she's sounds dumber than a sack of spanners (and if she's raising daughters, I feel so fkg sorry for them).

Precisely!
Appleofmyeye05 · 14/02/2021 23:20

It may be easier to split with no kids.

Sounds like he’s got a porn addiction and a bad one at that.

LouiseTrees · 14/02/2021 23:27

Do you know what I hope he gets the mates wife up the duff and the whole situation backfires on all 3 of them.

LouiseTrees · 14/02/2021 23:27

Or maybe not the poor kid coming into that.

SEE123 · 15/02/2021 00:08

Your "friend" is a twit.

Well done OP for standing up for yourself and not taking any shit from any of them! ESPECIALLY for kicking him to the kerb! You shouldn't ever have to do something you don't enjoy, especially if it is physically hurting you!

ShrikeAttack · 15/02/2021 03:04

Hey, OP, you are right to have your boundaries.

It will serve you well.

Don't even engage with back and forth. Take it from a mature woman that you're doing the right thing by fucking all that nonsense off.

Original poster
MsTeapot · 15/02/2021 09:05

My "friend" started sending me messages earlier this morning again about how he's "devastated" and had been in tears all night. So I guess he's at their house? I can't seem to find it in me to craft a reply though. Packing my stuff today and moving in to my mum's holiday house. I was trying to sleep last night and the thought of him doing "stuff" on whatever surfaces around the house makes me want to vomit.

And yes, DH and friend's DH were friends first and foremost and we became friends because they used to hang out at our place fairly often. I used to think she was so chilled and modern and that I was just insecure and vanilla. Imagine that!

OP posts:
Original poster
MsTeapot · 15/02/2021 09:05

Never thought I'd be starting over at almost 34 though. Sad

OP posts:
InkieNecro · 15/02/2021 09:17

I left my ex in January last year, aged 34. I'm now 35 and I have a new partner who is everything my ex wasn't. 33 is not old! It just feels like it when all of your friends are remaining in their relationships.

CaraDuneRedux · 15/02/2021 09:48

34 is young! Here's to a better life going forwards.

I wouldn't bother replying to your "friend" - just block. She's basically chosen to side with a man who is trying to coerce you into violent and demeaning sex. There's no way a friendship can come back from that level of betrayal.

Flowers
yetmorecrap · 15/02/2021 10:26

Leave the whole bunch of sleazy buggers to it. Personally romance for me goes out the window in situations like this. I actually feel sorry for your friend if she thinks this is as good as it gets

gaijinetal · 15/02/2021 10:34

I thought you were a lot older than 33.

Mostly from you saying life got in the way re. Having kids (sounded like you were maybe past the age to have them).

So you could also even have a family with a man who's not a degrading porn addict, gas lighter and coercer.

gaijinetal · 15/02/2021 10:37

Imagine trying to have them with someone like this - potentially daughters with a man who's hooked on gagging and tough anal porn, and who makes explicit, aggressive comments on women's pics on forums. He's scum.

And if your ex friend knows the details - and is not just writing this off as a man watching a bit of porn - she's soft in the head.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/02/2021 11:19

My "friend" started sending me messages earlier this morning again about how he's "devastated" and had been in tears all night.

Strip any responses of emotion from now on.

"As he said himself, we aren't compatible. He'll be fine and when he feels better he can meet someone who wants what he wants. That person isn't me. It's best any communication is now only about urgent practical matters so we can get them sorted and both move on. Thanks."

And in my head I would be thinking about the irony of them being concerned about his pain while thinking you should have been willing to be in pain doing rough anal and nearly vomming from unwanted deepthroat like he expected you too.

Bless him, the poor lamb.

Nanny0gg · 15/02/2021 11:40

@NiceGerbil

I'm totally shocked by what the friend said.

I'm guessing that it was the two men who were friends first and you met her that way?

One thing. If she's hearing all this from your oh to her oh to her. She may well not be getting the true story at all.

Who knows what your oh has been saying it's about.

I still think she was totally out of line though.

Makes you wonder what the two men discuss...
Itstimetoquit · 15/02/2021 12:59

Block her,she's no friend op x

Gamesandpuzzles · 15/02/2021 13:06

'Friend probably wants him out of her house.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 15/02/2021 13:14

Stay strong OP, the 'friend' is no friend and you should probably just block her.

Like PP said at 34 you have plenty of time to start over and meet someone who loves and respects you, and you have dodged 30 more years of having to deal with your ex's unreasonable demands.

I hope you have some real friends who can help support you?

NorbertMeubles · 15/02/2021 13:17

Your friend is no friend. You can start over now with new friends and a decent man.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 15/02/2021 13:20

Sorry something I wanted to say when I first started reading the thread, but then read you had left. The leaving porn in the search history is really aggressive and nasty, everyone knows how to open a safe search/incognito window. So he was leaving it there for you to see and probably getting off on that.

mylovelydd · 15/02/2021 13:50

Don't reply to the 'friend', just block her.
She is not your friend and it's none of her business. She doesn't have your best interests at heart.
I hope your move to your mum's holiday home goes well and is a peaceful space for you to get your head together.
Please don't cave in and take this man back, he will only use it as a green light to escalate things to the next level. Remember his comments to other women on Reddit and keep going.
I wish you a wonderful future X

justasking111 · 15/02/2021 13:56

Better leaving now than before he decides throttling you until you pass out is normal. You are young, childless, you will be fine.

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