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Original poster

My boyfriend quits everything he starts and it worries me

201 replies

MIAAN · 06/02/2021 18:58

I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 24 and since we've been together his finances haven't been very good as he went in debt in his previous relationship. When we were first together I was always paying for everything since I was the one with consistent working hours (he has a zero hour contract). A couple months into our relationship he secured an apprenticeship (paying minimum wage, not apprentice wage) which was 30 hours a week and he was going to quit his other job, he took it but then told the manager he no longer wanted it because he said he needs time to take care of his mom (he is one of seven kids who are all adults). A couple months later he secured a second job working nights stocking shelves and it was 5 days a week. He would only get one shift at his other job as it's zero hours but they'd usually cancel so I thought that this new job was great. On his second shift, he quit. He said he didn't have the right frame of mind to work two jobs. We broke up for about 4 months due to some serious things happening but have been back together for a while now. His money was a lot better but only because of furlough. He keeps putting money in his savings and then spends it, it worries me because he says he wants a future with me but I feel that because of his spending habits and quitting things, that all of the responsibility would fall on me. He recently brought a ps5 and a whole pc system which comes to atleast £600+ for both and most of that came out of his savings and borrowing money from his mom. Also, he recently started a level 4 course at university, it's only been a few weeks in and he said he might quit. He doesn't have any GCSE's or Alevels so he has nothing to really put on his CV and this makes me worried, I am currently in uni and have my GCSE's and a level 2 and 3 qualification and I know what I want to do in life. He says he wants to do certain things but then changes his mind and I find it stressful. I love him a lot but the thought of being financially insecure frightens me. Part of me thinks I should break up with him but then the other part of me thinks I should wait and see it things improve.

Sorry it's so long haha x

OP posts:
billyt · 06/02/2021 19:06

I would think very, very seriously whether he is right for you.

Sounds very irresponsible , lazy and very flaky.

I guess he would be happy to marry you because then you will feel responsible and carry him.

Nope, not good.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/02/2021 19:09

Run for your fucking life. Trust me on this. What you see now is what your future would be. He will not change.

Original poster
MIAAN · 06/02/2021 19:10

@billyt don't get me wrong he does a lot for his family (cooking, cleaning, getting food shopping) but when it comes to academics and being financially secure, it doesn't look to good

OP posts:
Original poster
MIAAN · 06/02/2021 19:11

@Aquamarine1029 it's so hsrd because part of me believes he will change, it's my first relationship so I have nothing to compare it to. He's great with emotional support and we have a great connection, but this side of things makes me question our relationship

OP posts:
category12 · 06/02/2021 19:12

You sound like quite different people.

Sometimes you're just not compatible long-term.

Redburnett · 06/02/2021 19:13

Do not even think about having children with this irresponsible hopeless man.

Original poster
MIAAN · 06/02/2021 19:15

@category12 I think in terms of life goals, we sre different. I'm not trying to have him be at my standard but it would be nice to know that he has goals set for himself

OP posts:
Greenevalley · 06/02/2021 19:17

You could have the most caring, kind and gentle man on earth but eventually you will resent him if he is financially unreliable.
A similar outlook on work ethics and finances is so important.

Original poster
MIAAN · 06/02/2021 19:17

@Redburnett yeah that's a very understandable thing to say, not a stress I need

OP posts:
wibblewombat · 06/02/2021 19:19

People don't change. Sounds like he might have some issues. Only he can fix them...

Original poster
MIAAN · 06/02/2021 19:20

@Greenevalley he is all of the things you have listed, you are right about feeling resentful, I felt that way in the beginning of the relationship as I mentioned I would always pay for us to go out, get food etc

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 06/02/2021 19:20

He sounds very immature for his age. Often guys are slow to catch on but not even having a decent regular job is worrying. He may grow up but having no proper education will hinder his prospects.
You are obviously quite steady so this will always be an issue

category12 · 06/02/2021 19:23

It doesn't sound like he's the one for you.

But you're 22 and it's your first relationship, so it's kind of one of those life lessons we all go through, that you can really like or love someone but that you're not a good match. Better to end things on good terms than continue on hoping for radical change.

Laureline · 06/02/2021 19:23

You are 22 OP - your life is ahead of you, don’t waste time on him.
You weren’t put on this earth to save a work shy man from himself, you’ll simply end up funding his lifestyle while he has an easy time.

Shoxfordian · 06/02/2021 19:24

This is not a man to build a life with

Rainbowqueeen · 06/02/2021 19:26

Life partners need to have the same financial values to have a successful relationship. Financial issues is one of the leading reasons for divorce.
He may change in time he may not. But I would not hang around to find out. You should base your decisions on the here and now, not what might happen in the future

Also you say you pay for everything but as soon as he saved some money he bought a PS5. Did he treat you to anything? Acknowledge your kindness?? Despite everything else this is not a guy who treats you well.

Break up with him, take some time to reflect and learn and then move on with your life.

Original poster
MIAAN · 06/02/2021 19:27

@wibblewombat you could be right, it's a hard situation

OP posts:
peak2021 · 06/02/2021 19:28

If he was 14 I might have some hope he will change. Not at 24, and not in time to avoid a massive headache for you.

End the relationship.

Original poster
MIAAN · 06/02/2021 19:29

@Rainbowqueeen he does treat me often more now than he did when we were first together, but his lack of being able to save money and not touch it scares me and his lack of sticking to something is also scary

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 06/02/2021 19:30

He won't change. People either have a with ethic or not. He doesn't want to work to support himself. He's happy to let you finance the relationship. He lives at home and has no desire to earn enough to give himself a better life.

I would walk.

Original poster
MIAAN · 06/02/2021 19:32

@peak2021My only thing is I don't want to feel like I'm being shallow and that I only care about money

OP posts:
yearinyearout · 06/02/2021 19:32

Yes it is scary and it won't stop being scary. You'll spend your whole life worrying and having to take total responsibility for everything. Run.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/02/2021 19:34

only thing is I don't want to feel like I'm being shallow and that I only care about money

Only a fool would not care about money. I'm not talking about being greedy or extravagant, but money/financial security is extremely important. You'd be crazy to think otherwise.

Supersimkin2 · 06/02/2021 19:36

OP, how much £ has he cost you so far?

wibblewombat · 06/02/2021 19:39

I have adhd & don't really stick to things. But I recognise that, so try to minimise expenditure & wasted time. I have a very stable partner. We do have the same money ethic tho. Have a read through of the threads on here when people don't share the same ideas.

You don't have to split up with him but you do need to be independent. None of this have the baby, work ft, pay all the childcare nonsense...