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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Gutted

233 replies

Andithoughtiwasspecial · 06/02/2021 03:08

Name changed. Been with P 6 years. Fell asleep on Sofa tonight woke up went to bed. P fast asleep in bed you tube on. Turned it off messages open last message to ex from 22 46 "I love you with every fibre of my being" There's no excuse is there? I thought we were happy. I thought I knew him. I thought many things but at the very least he lies to me. Any advice MN bar do not do the pick me dance. I suppose I decide what I want and do that.

OP posts:
Andithoughtiwasspecial · 17/02/2021 07:32

What did he say? That he is moving out as I asked. That he loves me and understands why I do not trust/ believe him. That moving in there is temporary as she and his children would appreciate the support, are prepared to allow him to stay there due to circumstance and that he will only be there whilst he organises somewhere to live on his own- that there is no where else he can go right now. He has asked that we hold off on selling and if there is anything he can do to repair our relationship he will.

NCTDN · 17/02/2021 07:38

I'm so sorry @Andithoughtiwasspecial On the bright side, at least you're not worrying whenever he is in your house on the phone. I hope your children give you all the support you need- are they ok?Thanks

Ispywithmycynicaleye · 17/02/2021 08:26

Tell him yes there are 2 things he can do that will save your relationship:

  1. Dont move in with the person you caught him declaring his undying love for.
  1. For him to get his ex to send you a copy of their texts confirming he was just offering support as a 'duty.'
Andithoughtiwasspecial · 17/02/2021 08:38

My children are doing fine. They are worried about me (doing my best to reassure I will be fine) but have no issues re moving - its not like this is their childhood home and their relationship with p was never father child- they have a father. However it is a big change and he was in their lives for a long time with a good relationship - we did holidays as a family, he was at awards and exam results etc so I will be making sure that they are OK and not just being brave for me- if they have worries or feelings they are struggling with I would want to know to help.

Ispywithmycynicaleye · 17/02/2021 09:02

He is such an arsehole for what he has done to your family. He is such a coward, you know exactly what you saw. That isn't what you say to someone out of duty but right to the end he's still trying to portray himself as the victim, saying has no choice to move in with her, he is moving out for you, he will do anything etc etc.

What I think he's doing is giving his old relationship another try. But trying to make you feel sorry for him and see him as being over there as you forcing him. So that when it all goes shit up, he can come running back to you.

What a selfish arsehole and incredibly insulting to you too, that you'd actually fall for it. As you said it's not just you he's shit on, it's your poor kids too who trusted him.

Would be hilarious to find out at some point his ex wants back with the father of her youngest! What goes around....

These are for you Flowers

fuzzymoon · 17/02/2021 19:45

I'm so sorry.
His words and actions are cruel and selfish. Thanks

PlinkPlink · 17/02/2021 20:19

Aw man, I am so sorry to hear this is how its turned out.

Please, remember you are worth so much more than him. You are worthy of the truth, of respect, of honesty and kindness.

He has not given you any of this here.

Hugs OP Flowers

Andithoughtiwasspecial · 17/02/2021 21:02

His eldest son messaged me earlier. He is not happy that Dad has moved back in and is blaming me for kicking him out. He is around six months younger than my oldest and their relationship is quite volatile at times. He doesn't t want his Mum to be hurt. I suggested he speak to his parents if not happy with home arrangements and that I do not feel comfortable discussing what happened here with him but I feel sorry for him. Cannot be all sunshine and rainbows for exp - shock.

BlueThistles · 18/02/2021 15:34

@Andithoughtiwasspecail

Glad you kicked him out... I hope you don't take him back... be glad he is gone.. he is a cretin and his Wife is a fool but you are not OP... you can get through this.. and you deserve better in your life Flowers

harknesswitch · 19/02/2021 18:20

I'm astounded that he's moved back in with the person who he was having an inappropriate text conversation with. If he really wanted to prove his feelings and live for you he'd have found alternative accommodation

NCTDN · 21/02/2021 12:55

How are you OP?

Tisahardlife · 22/02/2021 16:25

I am also wondering how you are Flowers

Andithoughtiwasspecial · 22/02/2021 21:49

His wife's profile picture has changed to a scan picture with a due June 2021 banner. I am not friends with her but we have acquaintances in common who congratulated so in my news feed. Asked him if it was theirs no response. I have blocked him on everything and asked that he directs any future contact via my (our) lawyer for the sale. Just cannot understand how someone I thought I knew enough to be in love with showed no signs over 6 years of being a lying cheating cowardly fuckwit. How did I miss this- everything must have been a lie. I feel like an utter fool, struggling to sleep and going between anger and grief for the relationship I thought I had and the wasted time. Property being marketed eow. I am so done. I will never put myself in this position again. May they live together in happiness to the end of time as at least then this whole shitshow would have a point.

Honeyroar · 22/02/2021 21:52

I’m so sorry. It’s quite understandable and normal to feel like you do. He’s treated you in a most disgusting way.

billy1966 · 22/02/2021 22:37

What an awful story, you poor woman
So sorry.
Flowers

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 22/02/2021 22:39

I'm so sorry....what an absolute cunt. Your posts are so brave. I wish you all the best for the very bright future you'll have without him.

moanieleminx · 22/02/2021 22:42

Woah. Horrific update. I am sorry. Stay dignified

Mrsrightagain · 22/02/2021 22:59

Omg how awful. Surely it must be the other mans if they only split up recently.
Hope you are ok. You deserve better than him.

JackieeWeaver · 22/02/2021 23:00

Awful awful awful. So cruel - both of them. Just try and be kind to yourself as much as you can be. Sending so much love. Heart breaks for you. None of this is your fault 💛

Beketaten · 22/02/2021 23:08

I'm so sorry, what an awful shock, and a terrible way to find out.

RandomMess · 22/02/2021 23:11
Thanks
FrownsAndDimples · 22/02/2021 23:13

I am so sorry. You are all I hope to be if I am ever put in such an unfortunate position. You've done this before and can ace it again. So much respect for you right now.

Joinedjustforthispost · 22/02/2021 23:19

I can’t believe what a complete turd your ex dp has been! So sorry you have been put through this. I couldn’t forgive this or I’d never trust him again Flowers

Beforethetakingoftoastandt3a · 22/02/2021 23:29

Bloody hell. He doesnt go halves on being an utter bellend does he!

AllDoneIn · 22/02/2021 23:29

He is a horror show. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Be as kind and gentle to yourself as you can. You are going to be ok Flowers