Gutted

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

Name changed. Been with P 6 years. Fell asleep on Sofa tonight woke up went to bed. P fast asleep in bed you tube on. Turned it off messages open last message to ex from 22 46 "I love you with every fibre of my being" There's no excuse is there? I thought we were happy. I thought I knew him. I thought many things but at the very least he lies to me. Any advice MN bar do not do the pick me dance. I suppose I decide what I want and do that.

[RandomMess]

[fuzzymoon]

Don't be the 'instead of....' partner.

Don't let him degrade you like this.

Tell him to go and give you respect.

You'll be surprised how supportive your teens will be with you.

You sound great by the way and he sounds a prat.

[Honeyroar]

Hopefully if you keep telling him it’s over and you want him to leave it will eventually sink into his thick skull?

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

Thank you. Here is where sane self posts. Insane self is an insecure self doubting mess but both know my children (and me) deserve better so will not give up or in.

[garlicwhorl]

What a dick

[WinoLino]

How are you feeling this morning @Andithoughtiwasspecail?

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

@WinoLino not sure. Everything has changed and yet there's no resolution. He has gone to visit his children again today as normal and the temptation to pack all his things and pile them on the drive whilst he is out of the house is overwhelming. Whilst I am not saying there would be any change on my part (so what's the point) I wish he would just be honest. Admit to what has gone on even if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me any more or does not know. It would make me feel better just to know. Buying out looks like a no go as it would stretch me too much with another set of driving lessons and both planning uni over the next 5 years. I appreciate they could pay for themselves and will be paying for the bulk but I had always planned to assist.So I either have to persuade him to buy me out- or sell.

[fuzzymoon]

Why is he staying in the house ?
Is he refusing to leave the house or the relationship ?
May be leave him an overnight bag on the doorstep and tell him the rest can be sorted next weekend.
You need space.

[Bookridden]

OP, I cannot get over your clear sightedness and bravery in how you're dealing with this. You should give lessons to cheated women in how to rise again.

[BlueThistles]

make him leave... why is he staying.. it's baffling

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

@Bookridden I wasted years trying to fix my alcoholic ex and save our relationship before realising it wasn't possible. Never again.

[Nith]

Does your financial planning factor in his liability for child maintenance?

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

@Nith if he resumes his relationship with his wife there will be none to pay. If not yes he can afford to buy me out and still make all payments due for his children. My ex does not earn a large amount- the CM he pays for our youngest does not make any real difference mortgage wise - and is due to finish altogether very soon.

[wirldsgonemad]

@feellikeanun

Sorry you are having to go through this. Not sure if it's relevant but did she go on to have more children? If not could this be why she maybe wants him back?

She had another child with the guy she's just ended a relationship with.

[NCTDN]

I think, given how long it is since you found that message, if I were you I'd now issue an ultimatum. Prove those texts don't mean anything or you're out.

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

He has gone. Back to his family I thought I would be ok but am broken. What an absolute blind idiot and waste of time. What was the point? I feel stupid and like a bookmark/ space-saving.

[RandomMess]

All their issues will still be there! The reality will not be like the fantasy they have been thinking.

it's his loss and his DC may really pay the price if they don't work out

[Honeyroar]

You’re bound to feel upset. He’s treated you dreadfully. But you can hold your head up and pick yourself up from this

[feellikeanun]

You deserve so much more than him. She will be forever looking over her shoulder and wondering what he's up to. Hugs.

[Gobbeldegook]

[MizMoonshine]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this @Andithoughtiwasspecial but fuck him. And her. He's a prick and like pp said, they will still have issues. It won't last. Especially not with her latest baby daddy in the mix.

[redastherose]

You will be ok eventually but it takes time. You've been blindsided and he couldn't even be honest with you about it so he's not the person you thought he was. Take it one day at a time.

[Backtoblack1]

What a bastard and she must be simple to take him back. I’m so sorry you’re going through this x

[MsDogLady]

I am very sorry, Gutted. You gave him so many opportunities to come clean.

He is a lying, cheating coward who has no integrity. All of his ‘It’s a Misunderstanding’ ‘You Misconstrued’ ‘I’m Not In Love With Her’ You Need To Trust Me’ were all total BS.

What did he have to say for himself?

You are crushed and will be grieving. But you have spirit and determination, and you and your children will go from strength to strength. He, on the other hand, will be facing their previous issues plus new ones, so everyday will be Groundhog Day.

[CatAndHisKit]

Expect him to tyr and plead with you aftr a bit - he thinks you just need space.
what is he shying away from? I think it's obvious - he did not want another child and now she's got one (and with someone else), meaning he needs to live with his dc and a new child, not exactly his dream scenario. FWIW I think it might be that he's not 'in love' with her, but there's co-dependency of sorts.