Gutted

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

Name changed. Been with P 6 years. Fell asleep on Sofa tonight woke up went to bed. P fast asleep in bed you tube on. Turned it off messages open last message to ex from 22 46 "I love you with every fibre of my being" There's no excuse is there? I thought we were happy. I thought I knew him. I thought many things but at the very least he lies to me. Any advice MN bar do not do the pick me dance. I suppose I decide what I want and do that.

[Honeyroar]

Good luck. You deserve so much better. You might be absolutely reeling (quite rightly) but you sound strong.

[Honeyroar]

What kind of woman would be taken in by “I love you with every fibre” but not enough to leave my wife, and what a shit man to say it. I’m annoyed for you!

[Apileofballyhoo]

I'm so sorry, OP.

[Dizzy1234]

Be strong OP 💐

[AmelieTaylor]

I wonder if that was the full message or if he fell asleep trying to decide how to write ' but I can't bring up Fred's child as my own'.

If he doesn't have anyone he can stay with & he doesn't want to go to her or she won't have him then he'll have to book into a hotel in the short term.

I'm sorry you had to find out like this.

I found out when he hadn't hung up the call to me...it wasn't fun. We'd been together 20 years, had the future mapped out, had a business together & were actively trying for a baby after having waited until the time was right 🙄🙄.

You & the kids will be ok 💐

[Gobbeldegook]

[AgentJohnson]

That message would be enough to prick the ears but not enough to be sure. You need more evidence. Why exactly aren’t they divorced and why have you accepted it?

[Kintsugi16]

Very late time to be coming home from visiting the children.

I hope you’re ok

[youvegottenminuteslynn]

Hope you managed to get some sleep OP

[cosmicbabe]

That's a blow after 6 years.... Could be lots of reasons for it though. I hope you can discuss it. Sorry OP. Not nice to see x

[mumieone]

Ex's again. Once people are in a relationship for a long time they will more times than not (unless exceptional circumstances) still have a soft spot for the EX.

and YES they do enjoy sex with the ex - apparently there is nothing like it. Once all the hassles are out of the way like mortgage, work etc it was just good no strings attached like the honeymoon period all over again. Sad!!

You are right to be careful. Just a pity he has used up 6 years of your life which you won't get back. Not sure what the hell is wrong with some men.

[Itstimetoquit]

How are you op x

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

Long story short he is refusing to leave, says its all a misunderstanding that he is worried about her mental health with the recent break up and that she needs support. That he does love her but is not in love with her that I misconstrued what was said.

Messages have all been deleted. So either he regularly - daily- deletes messages from some people (he has all mine, my childrens his childrens etc) or just their conversations. Claiming the former but there is no evidence of this. He will not give me his phone- (work phone sensitive stuff (true) but patently ridiculous as why would I go email hunting using his work email- messages only and call logs is what I want to see) - to check myself but has shown me the messages folder.

I can only assume that she quite rightly does not want to put her children through another upheaval so soon after the break up of her relationship and will not let him return yet if at all- or that faced with the reality of family life with a less than 2 year old again he has changed his mind- or never intended to go back just having cake and eating it too - whether that was emotionally or physically.

I asked him to retrieve all imessages from the cloud as per last back up and made it clear its probably over either way- but if he wanted any chance of me even listening to his version of events I wanted to read these unedited first. Said messages have not been provided- I should trust him apparently. If the roles were reversed he would believe me in the same circumstances etc. I have pointed out there would never be any situation where I told my ex or any other man that I loved him present tense that was in any way acceptable.

I have made an appt online with a broker to see if I can afford to buy him out - I do not think so but worth checking. If not EA next.

I am exhausted and disappointed. Still no truth. Who even is this man- not the one I thought I fell in love with.

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

Visiting the children at their new home is only since they recently moved out of her ex partners house. Its not what normally happens. There is a reason for this that I agree with in current climate and their situation - its not relevant on its own.

It was late- their latest move means they are now 90 mins to 2 hours away traffic weather depending. And they are teens- they do not go to bed early.

Not divorced yet - Nisi done mid financial settlement before absolute. Covid has not helped. He had asked for a divorce around a year after we got together - but she would not agree or file herself so he had to wait the 5 years to file without consent. I am now wondering if that was true.

[Santaiscovidfree]

Window open.
Bags out.
Call police if he gets violent..

[BlueThistles]

He's gas lighting you a blinder OP ... 🌺

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

This is his house too. I am well aware- as is he- that I cannot make him leave against his will unless he is threatening or a danger to another occupier. Just have to make it clear that one way or another this is it- either he moves out or we will. Us going will take longer- I would rather not use any savings that I could use to buy another house if this one is sold renting in the meantime but if I have to I will.

[RandomMess]

I guess once he has to live with you ignoring him etc and your teens cold shouldering the reality of not getting the house sold ASAP or him moving out will hopefully sink in.

[itwaseverthus]

I think if he refuses to show you the messages, all you can go on is that he" loves her with every fibre of his being" true or not. Awful op. I am so sorry. I had a message quite out of the blue from my ex recently which said something similar, that I was all he thought about, no one came close yada yada but we are both married and no idea if it was some mad lockdown breakdown or desperate come on but either way, I'd be out of there if I was his wife. So disloyal. The very least he could do would be to prove it was all out of concern for her mental health by showing the messages. But he can't, because most likely it wasn't.

[feellikeanun]

Do you have any sort of relationship with his ex? I would be asking her to send you the conversation as there is nothing else to lose.

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

@feellikeanun sadly not- acquaintances at best.. And given her message back was I love you too goodnight doubtful I would get the messages at all.

[BlueThistles]

they are making a fool of you... I'd make sure she knows you saw her declarations of love and that he has declined to leave... claiming to not care for her. .... then get shot of him in your own sweet time OP 🌺

[BlueThistles]

Sorry OP.. I mean.. they THINK they are making a fool of you.. 🌺

[Viviennemary]

A lot of people have a very soft spot for their exes. It doesn't mean they want to go back to having a permanent relationship with them. But the fact they aren't yet divorced after all this time is quite worrying. I wouldnt do anything to rash in your shoes.

[MsDogLady]

He can deny and downplay all he wants, but you, he and Ex all understand what ‘I love you with every fibre of my being’ means. If this were indeed a misunderstanding, he would prove it by producing the messages. He won’t because they are further evidence of his disloyalty. And his attempt to deflect and shift responsibility with ‘you should trust me’ is so manipulative.

I admire your fortitude and decisiveness, OP.