Gutted

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

Name changed. Been with P 6 years. Fell asleep on Sofa tonight woke up went to bed. P fast asleep in bed you tube on. Turned it off messages open last message to ex from 22 46 "I love you with every fibre of my being" There's no excuse is there? I thought we were happy. I thought I knew him. I thought many things but at the very least he lies to me. Any advice MN bar do not do the pick me dance. I suppose I decide what I want and do that.

[Chiccie]

There’s no way in hell I’d be with a guy who sent “I love you” messages to any other woman. It’s over. Don’t let them muck you around. Have they shagged again? Is that why her other relationship ended?

[toocold54]

I would ask to see all of the messages when he wakes up - they may be hurtful but I think I’d want to know who messaged who and what else was said etc if you call him out first then he’ll delete the messages.

[wifterwafter]

@Andithoughtiwasspecail there's only one reason he's deleted them and you know why. What a horrible man he is. Look after yourself x

[Windmillwhirl]

Stay strong, op. He deleted those messages because they were further evidence of his disloyalty to you. I'm so sorry he has done this to you and I wish you strength going forward x

[jackieweaverhasauthorityhere]

You're being so resilient OP and practical in looking to get out ASAP. I would give up on the messages, even if you only want to give him a fair hearing. The fact he has deleted only that convo and is not in any hurry to retrieve them I think says plenty.

He hasn't even bothered to think of a decent excuse. If he was concerned for her mental health, how would a message claiming he loves her in those terms help if he was living with a partner and only meant it platonically? Surely it would only confuse her. If he'd said 'you know I'm always here if you need anything', that might be different.

[Itstimetoquit]

How are you op x

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

Struggling tbh. The lack of information and what ifs are getting to me.

[TheChip]

Stay strong, OP. You are doing great.
What a horrible man though to do this to you, and then cause further difficulties for you by refusing to leave.
So sorry you're having to deal with this

[Itstimetoquit]

Morning op how are you,I feel for you it's a rollercoaster of emotions,I asked my ex to look at his messages (messages about buying drugs which I knew he was doing,he didn't know I knew)he refused obviously! That's when our relationship started to break down as if he had nothing to hide he would show me! We lasted 4 horrible months after that! Once I kicked him out he then admitted I was right and wanted to come home....never going to happen x

[Elfschoolsucks]

OP I wasted years listening to my Ex’s excuses because I had no proof even though I knew in my gut that something was off. Your relationship is never going to be the same, the trust has gone. Walk away with your head held high, you will meet someone who is worthy of you

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

What a c*. He has just been on the phone to his mum ( this is fine) for 2 hours. Went upstairs to try and find charger for salt lamp thing. Walked in to study massive panic from him trying to hide phone. Like I even care. I KNOW you are a liar. So the fact that you need to message your wife after a long absence with no comms is not surprising. JUST F**KING leave already and stop pretending. Twat.

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

To be clear mum comms was in shared open space. I was in conservatory same level different room. Straight after though. Raging again.

[fuzzymoon]

I'm so sorry that he is still behaving like this. It's just so disrespectful.
Won't he leave ?
Sending you a

[CodenameVillanelle]

Jeez he's having an affair under your nose isn't he? Maybe they haven't shagged yet so he can fool himself it's not an affair but it bloody is. What a shit.

[MizMoonshine]

Drop his phone in the bath. Drop him out of a window.

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

@MizMoonshine superb idea. If it was not his work phone I would. We work at the same organisation just completely different sectors think operations v services in parent and child company So tempted to just walk in to the next board/ investor level meeting he has during these crucial takeover talks that I am obviously not allowed to be aware of and just take the phone and flush it. ..... ah if only....

[NCTDN]

Have you told him you know?

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

@CodenameVillanelle yes. Except its romeo and Juliet separated by circumstances timing and babies. Lockdown makes twats with Rose tinted glasses of us all. No doubt it will all work out just as well. Just move on man. Leave and enjoy your new/old family. Why even still be here? WHY? Who does it serve? How is it better than just going back and getting on with it and brushing over the last 7/8 years?

[RandomMess]

Perhaps get in touch with her ex P and ask how long the affair has been going on, perhaps that is why they split.

[MizMoonshine]

@Andithoughtiwasspecial accidents happen... In fact the toilet sounds more reasonable.
Make his life uncomfortable.
Do nothing for him.
You can't kick him out of the house but you can kick him out of the bed. And put a lock on the door.
You can call his mum too. Tell her why you're angry.
Make sure everyone knows he's being a piece of shit.

[Gobbeldegook]

He's such a cunt. I'd send him to the shop for milk and lock him the fuck out

[MizMoonshine]

And yeah call his ex and offer him back.

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

Yes he knows I know claiming misunderstanding. Just in full blown denial. No idea why. You want it whatever it is so much go get it! Go on go! I have no leverage/hold iyswim. We have no kids together We are not married. We own the house 50 50 so split should be easy practically. what is he shying away from? This is beyond me. The separation from my alcoholic ex who was the father of my children was comparatively far quicker and simpler. Despite necessary contact for co.parenting effectively and rehab.

[RandomMess]

Perhaps he is enjoying being flattered by his wife but prefers the easier life of living with you and not having to parent his kids full time?

[Andithoughtiwasspecial]

@RandomMess how shallow if true. My two are no picnic to live with all the time like any teenagers but they aren't his responsibility you're right. I manage. Maybe it's the white Knight rescue/ hero thing that is in play here. I do not NEED him I just love(d) who I thought he was. Husband to the rescue! Full disclosure: I may have had wine.