Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Did you have sex on your wedding night?

216 replies

Wakingup55643 · 05/02/2021 23:08

That's the question, just out of interest. We didn't, and I'm now going back through our relationship analysing why we are where we are now. And I just wondered if that was still a big deal or not, the wedding night thing.

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 06/02/2021 10:23

@needadvice54321

I've decided not to put a grinning face on everything I post...

..but I will do this time. Grin

Zezet · 06/02/2021 10:34

Yes, we did because we felt that was a thing. It was perfunctory from both our sides but still an important part of the day, like cutting the cake >

DesMartinsPetCat · 06/02/2021 10:35

Yes, a quickie at 4am when we finally went to bed.

I had read a very similar thread on another website before we got married and lots of people hadn’t, so I wanted to make every effort to make sure we did. Obviously, it’s not particularly important and has no bearing on a relationship, but it’s another nice memory from a lovely day.

I suppose I also felt that so many things for a traditional wedding are done on display- first dance in front of guests, cutting the cake with an audience etc, it’s nice to have a memory that was just us.

Trinacham · 06/02/2021 10:39

I don't think it signals anything - not if there was a reason, like you were tired (weddings are tiring when you are the bride and groom!). We did it a day or two after the wedding instead. Together 11 years, we had been together 7 years already before the big day. Plus, we felt a bit nervous that we'd be heard, since all our family were staying in the hotel with us!

Looneytune253 · 06/02/2021 10:42

Nah. We were 10 years into our relationship when we got married and had 2 kids. 1 still a baby. We got them home and into bed, it was quite late and we were too tired. I must admit tho, getting married did make a huge difference to us and we felt closer and did have more sex.

Cosyjimjamsforautumn · 06/02/2021 10:56

We were so happy and that we sat up most of the night talking about the day and I eventually fell asleep on the bed still wearing my wedding dress!
We made up up for it later the next day though Wink

Washingmyself · 06/02/2021 11:16

Yes. Not in the wedding night but in the wedding evening.
We nipped into our hotel room where we stayed during our wedding.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 06/02/2021 11:30

My brother (who got married the year before me) warned me we'd probably be too knackered after a very long, emotional day and not to worry if there was no wild sex on our wedding night.

I was very grateful for his advice. He was quite right. Without his advice we might have worried. As it was we slept like logs and made up for it on our honeymoon.

MaverickDanger · 06/02/2021 11:32

Nope. We got to bed at 4.30am, and needed to be up at 5.30 to get to the airport for our honeymoon.

Not quite sure how DH managed to drive.

NotMeekNotObedient · 06/02/2021 11:36

No, was too tired after big wedding day. It was already after midnight when we got back. He did undo my dress and take the pins from my hair, got to see the lingerie and then we just snuggled up. Made up for it in the morning even though I was on my period Blush, bridesmaids had all left by the time we got up in the morning as they didn't want to disturb us Blush. We had the house for a few days and it was lovely. Then a few days minimoon.

We had been together 10 years at that point so it wasn't such a big deal. We also slept in the honeymoon suite together the night before the wedding too which shocked some people Grin as not traditional.

Op dont focus on the wedding night, what can you both do now to make things better? Couples counselling?

inchoccyheaven · 06/02/2021 11:38

No as dw was a little "poorly" lol. We had to go back to our seperate homes the next day and finish packing as we had bought our 1st home together and moved in 2 days after getting married.

Plussizejumpsuit · 06/02/2021 11:41

I'm not married but it does seem a bit of an old fashioned tradition from when people waited till marriage for sex. We've been together 16+ years so if we'd had a big day and were knackered I'm not sure I could be arsed! And I do have quite a high sex drive and do love sex..

CocoPark · 06/02/2021 11:56

Yes. We'd had a long day and were tired so it was probs a bit of a box-tick, short and sweet!

johnd2 · 06/02/2021 12:48

Can't remember to be honest and reading your posts i think if you have such expectations of a "fairy tale" and you haven't discussed them and agreed with your husband, I'm not surprised he has no idea.
It's hard to diagnose from your two posts but i think you have a communication issue, you are expecting your needs to be met by him knowing what you want, but he is just doing what he wants.
Without you two discussing what you want you can't know whether he would be happy to meet your needs. Otherwise you will just have resentment and over analysing things.
Maybe on his past, a hotel trip always ends in a few drinks and bed early? He might not have watched the same fairy tales. He might be a morning person rather than a night owl. Without an honest discussion you will always be left analysing things on your own.
Good luck.

Comps83 · 06/02/2021 13:28

No
We had a fight and he told me he hated me for the first time

Chanel05 · 06/02/2021 13:35

Yes and I wanted to do it in my wedding dressGrin

Moneypenny007 · 06/02/2021 14:02

We did, in the bath in our hotel room. Was pretty dam good too.
Only got into the bath to help ease the aches from dancing so much!!

SomewhereInbetween1 · 06/02/2021 14:37

No, I was absolutely smashed!

Original poster
Wakingup55643 · 06/02/2021 16:20

Wow, I didn't expect so many replies! Sorry, I have only just got back to it now. Thank you to everyone asking if I'm ok. It wasn't so much of a plea for help post, maybe partly, but I'm genuinely interested in whether people still regard it as something special as part of your wedding day. I would think it's the main thing you're looking forward to when you finally get time to yourselves, but can understand how mostly you're just knackered from the fuss of the day. I never want sex with dh again as long as I live. That ship has sailed, and I'm in the process of trying to find a way to come to an amicable end and move on. Thanks all for your input. And if I ever find myself in the wedding night position again, there will be no bloody hair grips! X

OP posts:
Original poster
Wakingup55643 · 06/02/2021 16:21

@comps83 Oh no. How did that end up?

OP posts:
Pinkblueberry · 06/02/2021 16:25

No. Too tired and drunk.
As a pp said its maybe a bit of an old fashioned thing where people waited until their wedding night to have sex - I suppose if we’d never had sex before we might have been more motivated!

Deadringer · 06/02/2021 16:25

Yes. We didn't live together beforehand (old gimmer) so we never passed up an opportunity.

ValpolicellaPrimitivo · 06/02/2021 16:27

During the afternoon rather than at night. We got married abroad with just a couple of people. We all went back to our rooms for a couple of hours before meeting up for drinks in the evening.

By the time we actually went to bed I was shattered and we'd had sex in the afternoon anyway.

BrizNiz · 06/02/2021 16:28

No too drunk. But made up for it the morning after (and on the honeymoon and ended up with the classic honeymoon-itus)

Avaganda · 06/02/2021 16:32

No, too tired! We barely did it on honeymoon either as we were shattered, drunk or too hot!