DH called me a 'fucking bitch' during sex

[Thenforgiveme]

This happened a few months back but it's still playing on my mind.

DH and I were having sex. He was getting pretty carried away and was talking dirty (which I don't mind) Then he suddenly exclaimed 'Oh you fucking bitch'

I didn't like it and told him so. He apologised but I still feel really odd about it. I consider myself far from a prude but it just seems like such an unpleasant thing to say to your wife in an intimate moment.

Am I being silly?

Ugh. I wouldn’t like that.

The caveat doesn’t negate the sentiment that you are clearly stating their sex lives are boring.
I couldn’t possibly be happy if I had a nose as big as yours but I’m happy you’re so confident with it.

You are missing the intended irony of my statement - to make the point that it doesn't feel nice to be judged and belittled for your sexual preferences.

And I'm going to disregard your unnecessarily personal and irrelevant second sentence.

Oh FFS!

Some people can't understand why women like this kind of language. Some people can't understand why women hate this type of language.

And we go round and round.., Here's an idea.., why don't we just accept that we're all different? I don't think you're boring and you don't think I'm emotionally unhinged. Deal?

@PinotPony

Oh FFS!

Some people can't understand why women like this kind of language. Some people can't understand why women hate this type of language.

And we go round and round.., Here's an idea.., why don't we just accept that we're all different? I don't think you're boring and you don't think I'm emotionally unhinged. Deal?

Here here.
And apparently I also have a big nose now? 😂

What he said is very tame if you both like talking dirty, maybe he was trying to ease you into it if it's the first time you've done it? If it doesn't do it for you then you need to tell him as it sounds like he didn't mean to upset you

Was the debate necessary? There is an entire Sex board if you feel the need to centre the discussion on how you lead your sex lives and what you find acceptable, ffs!

Sounds like there is a lot more going on for the OP than just this single act and some support in helping her explore that would've been a fuckton more useful than the last few pages of this thread!

Op I can totally understand your being upset, you are having relationship difficulties and have issues of resentment on both your parts. To have sex and get on the same page is a way of healing that gap, that you feel is widening.

You are placing yourself in a vunerable possition and have to feel safe for that to occur.
You clearly didnt feel safe enough for that type of sex, with the inferal that to you, that is what he is truly thinking at other times.
You are too insecure at the moment for that, you need soft comforting, loving expressions during sex, I get it.

I really don't think it helps the op to be told others that they really don't mind it and find it a huge turn on.
Yes I'm sure the op wouldn't mind it so much if she felt safe, secure and very much loved for the rest of the time when she's not having sex.

It's very hard to give yourself when your'e not sure whether the other person really wants you.
It's a catch 22 situation really.

I would suggest explaining that because you feel insecure you need to feel cherished more, until your confidence returns in youself and your relationship.
Take it slow.
I really hope you can get through the bad patch, I know it's so hard.

What he said is very tame if you both like talking dirty, maybe he was trying to ease you into it if it's the first time you've done it?

@Gyeonggiflufficoochi You don't ease someone into liking verbal abuse in the bedroom by starting with the b word. That and wh*re are two of the strongest words to use in that context when it comes to the basics. Also a decent guy would ask someone whether they'd like to try any of it before doing that in sex. They are married, so presumably OP's husband knows her a bit, knows she probably wouldn't like it, and still chose to do it. Either that or he's porn sick and porny language came out of his mouth during sex, or both. Either way, he wasn't thinking of how it would feel to the OP.

@SoulofanAggron You don't ease someone into liking verbal abuse in the bedroom by starting with the b word. That and wh*re are two of the strongest words to use in that context when it comes to the basics. Also a decent guy would ask someone whether they'd like to try any of it before doing that in sex. They are married, so presumably OP's husband knows her a bit, knows she probably wouldn't like it, and still chose to do it. Either that or he's porn sick and porny language came out of his mouth during sex, or both. Either way, he wasn't thinking of how it would feel to the OP.

I presumed they had already discussed the dirty talk at some point in their marriage......they just need to talk more and he needs to be clear on what she likes as they are obviously not on the same level. I see the OPs point that being called a fucking bitch was upsetting but maybe he just didn't know what to say......

And he wasn't 'easing her into liking verbal abuse' .... he accidentally upset his wife by saying the wrong thing. He probably feels like shit the poor bastard 😂 I don't know what porn you've been watching @SoulofanAggron but if you really think its 'porny language' to call your Mrs a fucking bitch then you're probably just up past your bedtime and caught a bit of post watershed channel 5. My xhamster history would have you crying into your bible and bleaching your eyes 😂

Sorry OP I wasn't meaning to be disrespectful toward you then, I can completely understand why you were upset, I've had many misunderstandings with my partner where I've been upset and hurt because I wasn't clear about what I wanted. After talking and a bit of bonding it was sorted and we laugh about it now! I bet he will feel absolutely heartbroken when he knows how much he upset you, which is why I can't stand seeing a reply from an absolute danger of a person saying hes 'verbally abused' you! I would bet my life that poster is sat in a 1 bedroom flat with 4 cats, an aviary with 10 budgies and an elderly incontinent dog that's never had a walk in its life. She wouldn't know a willy if it slapped her round the head, so please just tell your husband he pissed you off and enjoy him grovelling 😂. Xx

@Gyeonggiflufficoochi it's clear you don't know me.

But a lot of people don't like being called a btch and whre etc. That's statistically normal I reckon, those of us who do/did like it are in the minority.

They had had dirty talk but that's not the same as verbal humiliation. That's stuff like 'Oh, when I get home I want to do X and Y to you.'

Anyway OP doesn't like it and he doesn't sound like a nice guy in general.

which is why I can't stand seeing a reply from an absolute danger of a person saying hes 'verbally abused' you!

@Gyeonggiflufficoochi I was just using it as a term for a BDSM act or for being called names in everyday life. Verbal abuse, verbal humiliation, that's what it's called. It is a descriptor for an act, or type of scene.

What he said isn't the issue. The main thing is whether or not he respects your wishes for it not to happen again.

@bloodyhairy I guess so but also he presumably knows his wife and knows what she's into.

And it shows they aren't/weren't on the same page. She wanted romantic sex whereas (to give it a generous explanation) he more wanted to just get his rocks off (not that the two are mutually exclusive, but you know what I mean.)

@Thenforgiveme How're you doing today?

@SanFranBear

Was the debate necessary? There is an entire Sex board if you feel the need to centre the discussion on how you lead your sex lives and what you find acceptable, ffs!

Sounds like there is a lot more going on for the OP than just this single act and some support in helping her explore that would've been a fuckton more useful than the last few pages of this thread!

Omg - this!!!!!!!

Jesus.You’re a horrible person

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken Yes, she's completely wrong about me.

And also about what OP's husband is like, by all accounts.

@SoulofanAggron

Jesus.You’re a horrible person

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken Yes, she's completely wrong about me.

And also about what OP's husband is like, by all accounts.

It is verbal abuse, Soul. Also, if the their only concept of sex is either BDSM and being verbally abused or living celibately, that’s actually really sad.

People are offended by my tame posts enough to get them deleted but personal attacks such as
“I would bet my life that poster is sat in a 1 bedroom flat with 4 cats, an aviary with 10 budgies and an elderly incontinent dog that's never had a walk in its life. She wouldn't know a willy if it slapped her round the head”
And
“ if you really think its 'porny language' to call your Mrs a fucking bitch then you're probably just up past your bedtime and caught a bit of post watershed channel 5. My xhamster history would have you crying into your bible and bleaching your eyes”
Are perfectly reasonable?
What is this place?

Not being silly for being offended, for you the question is whether this apparent one-off is something where his apology should be accepted or not.

Not being silly for being offended, for you the question is whether this apparent one-off is something where his apology should be accepted or not.

@peak2021 I think the think for OP is this isn't the only thing; like she forgives him for this one-off and they live happily ever after. It's on top of all the other ways he's hurting her, so it hits home.

Anyway, @Thenforgiveme I hope you'll keep us updated. xxx