DH called me a 'fucking bitch' during sex

[Thenforgiveme]

This happened a few months back but it's still playing on my mind.

DH and I were having sex. He was getting pretty carried away and was talking dirty (which I don't mind) Then he suddenly exclaimed 'Oh you fucking bitch'

I didn't like it and told him so. He apologised but I still feel really odd about it. I consider myself far from a prude but it just seems like such an unpleasant thing to say to your wife in an intimate moment.

Am I being silly?

Are you a 'fucking bitch'?

If not I couldn't get worked up about this.

Yeah no thanks to that, right turn off.

Even if he’s into it... argh it’s not attractive to you. Selfish love making... but that phrase he used is off putting anyway

I wouldn't like it.

I don’t see the problem. If my sex life was so tame that being called a fucking bitch bothered me I’d definitely be doing it wrong.

But sex is individual, and if you’re not okay with it then you need to talk to him about it. There’s nothing wrong with that speech in principle if you’re both on the same page.

@PQWQ Actually at the moment I wouldn't be surprised if he is complaining to other people that I'm a bitch

I wouldn't be ok with this either OP. I'm my DHs wife. I birthed his children. I'm not a fucking sex toy. If he can't treat me with respect during sex then he wouldn't be getting sex. I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination but we all have limits and that's definitely one of mine!

@emilyfrost My sex life isn't tame and as I've said I'm pretty open minded. It was the context of the sexual encounter we were having (or i thought we were having) in relation to what he said. I thought we were having intimate, being sex and then I was suddenly called a fucking bitch!

Intimate healing sex rather...

Have you talked about the feeling that you have that the relationship is going downhill? Or about how he's finding being a parent? The thing he said during sex seems, perhaps, like a representation of a loss of connection which is not confined to sex.

Your intimacy needs repairing, as a couple. You both need to be aware of this and to be (and want to be) working for the same goal.

It wouldn’t work for me. If my dh said that during sex and hadn’t before, I’d assume porn or that things were really not good.
It doesn’t matter if anyone else likes it or is find with it. You don’t, that is the only opinion that matters.

@Eckhart We're actually in relationship counselling atm but it's not going very well. I don't know what else to do tbh. His complaints about me are so vague and unspecific that I'm not sure how to fix them!

That's going to make more of a dent in the intimacy, not less! How does he respond when you tell him about your complaints about him? It's not all about you correcting yourself to fit his ideal, is it...

@Eckhart I just get told that everything isn't all his fault and that I have to shoulder my side of the responsibility...

I feel frustrated on your behalf! Are you happy with your choice of counsellor? They should be fostering clear communication, if nothing else. What the hell are you supposed to do if he's not telling you clearly what he wants you to do? Have you tried to get him to say it like that? 'Don't tell me your complaint, tell me what you'd like me to do, and why'?

Wouldn’t have bothered me on the face of it during my low self esteem driven promiscuous years. But would absolutely trouble me if my chap said it now

Awww OP it would surprise me for sure but it all depends on the mood, the scenario and most of all of how you feel with each other.
If it bothered you, you were right to tell him and it might be as you say symptomatic of something else (hence why it bothered you).
If you’re both in the zone and speaking dirty that’s something else entirely.

@Eckhart I actually really like the counsellor. I've seen her for a few individual sessions and found them very helpful.
We've both tried getting him to say what he actually wants me to do but he just shuts down. He tells me I'm controlling and need to 'calm down but then doesn't elaborate.

Oh and also tells me I'm not interested in him now I've got the dc...

Sounds to me like he’s not a natural at dirty talk so it came out a little odd as he was trying to ramp it up?

This reminds me of Charlotte's husband Trey in Sex In The City. He called her a fucking bitch and whore during sex. I'm sure it's googleable

Is it Relate you're going to by any chance?

I've only had experience of this in a short term, casual relationship, when the guy in question used a couple of phrases that didn't float my boat. I called him on it immediately and he apologised and never did it again.

I'm inclined to think that as your long term petner maybe he should have known better. It sounds as though the context was very wrong, however he did listen to you saying you didn't like it and apologise, and I presume he hasn't done it since.

It's a tough one to unpick as it's such a personal thing.

This isn't about him calling you a fucking bitch during sex - and for the record, no, I wouldn't like it much.

This is about - I sense - him being a twat who you're probably going to end up leaving as from the little you've alluded to , doesn't sound like husband or father of the year

Did he cum a bit quick or get physically carried away?

Could be that he has been disconnecting from you emotionally (sounds like it) but then during sex found that he still desires you and gets turned on by you and was vocalising his surprise at that.

I would bring it up in counselling.

I would love it but he knows what a freak I am.

Bit random though if you dont like stuff like that.

It wouldn’t bother me but I’d be a bit where has that suddenly come from.

Sounds like he’s been watching a lot of porn.