I tried to leave OH last night and ended up back home!

[tiredandfrumpy]

Last night felt like the final straw for me however I ended up back home. It all started by me asking for the phone charger so I can get a bit off charge so I can set my alarm so I can't get up in the morning.

He wanted the charger back after 5 mins so wouldn't of been enough charge! This spiralled buy him pushing me of the bed into the wardrobe. Screaming in my face.

I packed mine and the kids things up managed to finally get past him and get them into the car this is when he shows me that I'm no longer on the car insurance he took me of weeks ago and forgot to add me back. Ive been driving round for weeks with no insurance. I ended up driving round the corner and just sat in Asda car park baring in mind this was 3 in the morning.

I came home at half 5 now I'm WFH on 2 hours sleep I'm so angry but I managed to get myself a charger so he no longer has that control over me now.

I just want out!! I'm so desperate my poor poor kids having to witness this shit all the time. It's my payday today so he goes to be hanging round me like a fly on shit.

I need to make a plan and leave this weekend as I'm off work but I have no where to go.

If you're able to contact women's aid they can maybe put an appeal out for furniture etc. The one near me would do this.

They could help with you having the kids back with you as well, potentially.

He has been abusive to you. You meet their criteria.

Or there's facebook free groups. Especially if you can get someone friendly on here to collect things and drop off to you so there's less risk of your new address being found out.

Many cities have community groups running response to covid teams. They can help by discretely identifying resources within the community that you need. I know they exist as I work with my Wards one as part of my p/t community job. We collaborate together to meet urgent needs such as having to move with nothing due to DV. All on the team and who take items out to those in need have current eBDS and at the very least 101 safeguarding. Social services should be able to signpost you to such in your area.
Your local Foodbank will still be up and running during covid. They will also know if such is available in your area. Again they tend to be compassionate to people who find themselves with nothing who have had to flee.

It’s clean, safe and you’ve got carpet. Please don’t give up. You are so close

brst wishes x

What's better for your kids, temporary rough area or continued viewing of their mum being abused by their dad

Wow I am amazed how fast the council found you somewhere. 1 day to sort it out is fantastic
As PP have said you can furnish it from free ads facebooks etc. People are very generous if you look at these sites.

DON'T tell us what area you're in, but Google it plus emergency assistance grant/loan

That looks clean, safe and warm - it's better completely empty because otherwise it would be filled dirty beds etc.

I would book a removals van, arrange for the police to come at the same time and move stuff from your house. He is not going to need it and you do.

Don't give up you can do this.

Please don’t give up. I hate my flat sometimes but it’s what it gives me that’s important. Freedom. It’ll be a job to get out the things you need but please involve police, get them to protect while you get duvets, mattresses wherever you need into a van with your kids’ things. Remember how you felt sitting in that car park. You wanted to leave. You can.

Do not give up; yours and your childrens freedom here is within touching distance. Those pictures to me look fine and there are charities who can help you with providing some furniture. You and your children need an abuse free environment.

@tiredandfrumpy

I can't do it I can't stay on here 😭 the area is so rough trying not to be a snob but I can't bring my kids here.

Op your children say in a car in a deserted car park in the middle of the night as a result of your relationship with your partner.

That’s truly awful.

Not a dirty flat

Morning I've decided I'm going to keep
The flat but not going to move in right away. As I need to get me and the kids some beds a sofa and a tv and some blinds/curtains.

Rent is £100 a week I can afford to pay that,I'm going to apply for a credit union loan as well if I can get one.

He's put me back on the insurance so I can keep going back and fourth on the night and doing little bits.

OP I'm so glad to see your update, I've been thinking about you. You can do this, take all the help you can find, did you see that there are a couple of mumsnetters on the thread in your area that offered help.
Don't let on to your partner, sending you lots of positive energy!

That’s great news. Flat looks absolutely fine, just empty.

It can be an adventure for you and the children - like camping inside.

You will feel so much better. Rough areas tend to be full of lovely people who really pull together.

You know sometimes a "rough" area can be a blessing if you are friendly with the neighbours (I don't mean having Sunday dinner together but an Hello how's things? Never hurts) they might not like a cross ex coming over throwing his weight around..............

You can always take a breather, make a plan to eventually move again with ex being a ball and chain around your neck.

Glad you decided to keep the flat it is only the first step not the final destination.

Great to read your update. You can do this! A bit at a time.

My mum left her abusive first husband in the 1950s - three months in the planning, loan from a friend (women couldn't get loans or mortgages from a bank in those days without husband or father's co-signature), support from her GP. She did it a bit at a time just as you're doing.

You will be so much happier, even if it's a tough area. I've lived in inner city areas that were rough as fuck - people there are just like everywhere else, mix of good and bad, in about the same proportions

Be careful he doesn't get wind of what you're up to

I'd get into that flat ASAP

And if you're not prepared to leave with help/advice from the police re reasons of domestic violence/coercive control be prepared for him to claim primary care giver

Good luck

Can you ask someone you can trust to ask on local Facebook sites etc for cheap/free things you need?

Get in there and make it your own. If it's dirty, treat yourself to a cleaner. Do not hand any of your money over to OH and do not pay his rent for him. You'll be fine. Good luck.

I don't know if you have it near you but in my area there's a recycle place that you can get goods to furnish a home for free.

It's ran via the council

If you google it hopefully something will come up in your area.
You can then go and pick out the things you need and they will deliver it for you.

It all helps

Good luck OP. This is just a stepping stone. Things will get better. No more violence.

OP try to pack and move as many small possessions as you can. Then see what you can come by from the sites suggested by PP, but also I think for familiarity for the children, getting the police to help you move a lot of big stuff like their beds and most of your suite and chairs tables, their toys etc is a good idea

Why don’t you do a charity shop clear out of clothes and bits for you and the kids as a way to pack a load of stuff! You can drop it at the flat then without him catching on

Good luck OP.

Although I think its safer to bite the bullet and sleep on blow up beds for a few days, than him possibly get wind of what you are up to.

Op there might be a group called brighter beginnings who can help you source things for the flat.

It may be safest to remove your child from the nursery as he will know where they are and therefore where to find you.