I tried to leave OH last night and ended up back home!

[tiredandfrumpy]

Last night felt like the final straw for me however I ended up back home. It all started by me asking for the phone charger so I can get a bit off charge so I can set my alarm so I can't get up in the morning.

He wanted the charger back after 5 mins so wouldn't of been enough charge! This spiralled buy him pushing me of the bed into the wardrobe. Screaming in my face.

I packed mine and the kids things up managed to finally get past him and get them into the car this is when he shows me that I'm no longer on the car insurance he took me of weeks ago and forgot to add me back. Ive been driving round for weeks with no insurance. I ended up driving round the corner and just sat in Asda car park baring in mind this was 3 in the morning.

I came home at half 5 now I'm WFH on 2 hours sleep I'm so angry but I managed to get myself a charger so he no longer has that control over me now.

I just want out!! I'm so desperate my poor poor kids having to witness this shit all the time. It's my payday today so he goes to be hanging round me like a fly on shit.

I need to make a plan and leave this weekend as I'm off work but I have no where to go.

[TheTeenageYears]

Is it HA or private rental?

[tiredandfrumpy]

Property is private rented

Thanks @EvilPea I can not wait to be on the other side it's exhausting being penalised for everything I do and dont do.

[knittingaddict]

My daughter was in a shared room in a refuge with her children for about 4 months. I'm won't pretend that it was a great experience for them, but they were safe. More importantly my daughter felt safe and that was a big plus.

It may not feel like it, but you are in a good position. My daughter left with a car full of toys and clothes and £10 to her name. She had no job and the car she drove was leased in her husband's name, so she had to leave it behind. Now she is living in a 2 bedroom house with a job she loves and lots of friends and family around her. Her life is transformed from what it was and she has no regrets at all. Not a single one since she left over 2 years ago.

I hope you decide to get out and wish you all the best for your future.

[knittingaddict]

Also my daughter went to the top category on the housing list because she was in a refuge. Obviously it depends on the are and the demand and having a bit of patience, but there are options out there. In the end she opted for private housing, but she could have waited it out and moved to a HA home.

[SortingItOut]

There are various organisations in each area of England who will sort foster homes for pets for people who are fleeing domestic violence.
Either the local council or Womens Aid will be able to advise.

[knittingaddict]

@SortingItOut

There are various organisations in each area of England who will sort foster homes for pets for people who are fleeing domestic violence.
Either the local council or Womens Aid will be able to advise.

I wish we had known that. My daughter had to leave a pet behind, although in our case I'm reasonably sure that he wasn't abusive to animals.

[picklemewalnuts]

What part of the country are you, @tiredandfrumpy ? I'm sure someone on MN in your area will help find a pet fosterer.

Stick to your guns, you hold the power, even though it doesn't feel that way.

[EvilPea]

@tiredandfrumpy

Property is private rented

Thanks *@EvilPea* I can not wait to be on the other side it's exhausting being penalised for everything I do and dont do.

Oh lord the exhaustion. Yes!!
My councillor explained it to me that it’s like your a prey animal on high alert all the time, even when your sleeping your never resting you have that one ear out in case they are going through your phone or raging about something.

It does get easier and it will get easier

[TheTeenageYears]

If it's privately rented how is it in your OH's name if he doesn't have a job?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I hope you get out of this toxic relationship asap. Just more practical stuff. How did he get his name on the rental agreement? Are you his guarantor or was he working at the time?

[tiredandfrumpy]

@picklemewalnuts I'm in Telford Shropshire.

@TheTeenageYears he got a job to just to pass referencing checks then he quit.
Would not allow me to be on the house at all.

I'm waiting for the duty officer from my local council to call me now. Hopefully they can offer me something so DS can still go to his nursery.

I really want the strength to leave and stay away for good this time if I had some support it would be so much easier. I distanced myself from my friends and family since being with him.

All I have is my lovely mum but she lives in retirement living so I can't stay with her.

His brother is my best friend and doesn't know how bad things have got. He's got all this stuff being delivered for me next week for my birthday I don't even know what to tell him.

I'm rambling here but this everything going through my head atm

[tiredandfrumpy]

Then I'm thinking if I let him take the kids whilst I work in the day he can technically just keep them and not bring them back..

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Coercive control is illegal in the U.K. He is also physically abusive. I think you should report him to the police so that he is on their radar already.

[RandomMess]

Could your Mum have your dog temporarily? Try Cinnamon Trust too.

Him keeping onto the DC is why fleeing to a refuge and reporting him the police is so important. It builds the picture that he isn't suitable to be the main carer for them.

[tiredandfrumpy]

I rang the police on him a few times and he was arrested and released in a few hours. I would never bother the police again.

My mum would would have my dog I just can't get him over there.

[oakleaffy]

Good grief!
Refuge £200 a Week???????
How could a worker afford that?
I had no idea they were that much.

[aanotherun]

You are not bothering the police, absolutely do ring them again. If you've already contacted them a few times you're building up a record.

I don't mean to be sexist here but maybe ask specifically to speak to a female officer with domestic abuse experience?

[Thisgirlcanrun]

If he needs to pay bills to live somewhere he can take some responsibility for his life and get a job ! Sounds like a complete douchebag

[cheeseandworcestershireontoast]

Could you take out one of those very short car insurance plans to get dog to your DM’s? DP’s sister got insured on our car for a few hours once to borrow it and I swear it only cost about £20. Maybe that could be an option? Not sure how you’d get it past him though. Sorry that’s not much help, there is lots of lovely knowledgable people on this thread though and I am sending you all the strength in the world You’re going to get out of this OP

[Shmithecat2]

@tiredandfrumpy

I rang the police on him a few times and he was arrested and released in a few hours. I would never bother the police again.

My mum would would have my dog I just can't get him over there.

If you still have access to the car at least, you can insure it for a day, just to get the dog to your mums.

[DidIMissSomething]

Hi OP - I know you've contacted Women's aid who have looked at what refuge can offer - have you also contacted your local DA service? Shropshire Domestic Abuse Service - they will know about the housing situation for abuse victims locally and may be able to help you to move things along. I think they probably need to talk to you to go through a risk assessment - abusing your dog and threatening suicide are both signs of potential escalation - I don't want to scare you but really want you to stay safe. They can give you tailored advice to keep you and your children safe.
Isolating you from support networks is a regular tactic of abusers - it's to make you less likely to leave. You can do this though - you'll have your life back soon even if it is tough right now.
Take good care and know we're all behind you.

[Thelittleweasel]

@tiredandfrumpy

Taking you off the insurance sounds like Coercive Control. There is a new law which the police can use. Section 78 of The Serious Crimes Act 2015. Look it up and please consider police action

[ErickBroch]

OP - Please contact Dogs Trust Freedom Programme they will temporarily house your dog as long as you need www.moretodogstrust.org.uk/accessing-our-service/pet-owners

If you need more info on that I can message you.

[picklemewalnuts]

I second insuring the car and getting the dog to your mum. Maybe some belongings as well, if you can. Keep special things safe while you are on the move.

I'd tell his brother. Explain you wanted to protect him, but you can't any more. It may help you eventually get him out of the house so you can take over. If so, be sure to change the locks.

[Sethy38]

Please don’t get distracted with detail and the past.

With very young children and if you think no immediate threat, then I would bide my time over the next week and get the big stuff sorted. Accommodation and finances.

If he’s not going to move out, you do. Future arrangements can be sorted in time.

You need to regard sorting this as your work tomorrow. Contact work. Explain the situation to whatever degree you feel comfortable. If you don’t feel comfortable at all, then take a sick day.

In short, your children can not be subjected to what happened last night ever again