I tried to leave OH last night and ended up back home!

[tiredandfrumpy]

Last night felt like the final straw for me however I ended up back home. It all started by me asking for the phone charger so I can get a bit off charge so I can set my alarm so I can't get up in the morning.

He wanted the charger back after 5 mins so wouldn't of been enough charge! This spiralled buy him pushing me of the bed into the wardrobe. Screaming in my face.

I packed mine and the kids things up managed to finally get past him and get them into the car this is when he shows me that I'm no longer on the car insurance he took me of weeks ago and forgot to add me back. Ive been driving round for weeks with no insurance. I ended up driving round the corner and just sat in Asda car park baring in mind this was 3 in the morning.

I came home at half 5 now I'm WFH on 2 hours sleep I'm so angry but I managed to get myself a charger so he no longer has that control over me now.

I just want out!! I'm so desperate my poor poor kids having to witness this shit all the time. It's my payday today so he goes to be hanging round me like a fly on shit.

I need to make a plan and leave this weekend as I'm off work but I have no where to go.

[Ghostella]

You can do this, OP!

[20CMB21]

The above is not true. He could go for 50% as SAHP , but if his bluff was called he may well not go through with that anyway.

The threat of taking the children is one of the tactics men like this use, and the OP will be frightened enough of that without people trying to advise on this thread and bringing that up - it is almost doing his job for him!

Goatscheese I think it's really crucial for the OP to be aware that he might try this one. After a very long and horrible divorce, and hours spent with solicitors (including child protection solicitors), I do know that this can happen. He has been a SAHP, and this does matter - should he try to pursue it. I suspect that if he did pursue it, it would only ever be to get at the OP - it doesn't sound as if he has any actual interest in looking after their children.

This was why I made my other point, namely that there needs to be a paper trail documenting his abusive behaviour. The OP is already setting this in motion, which is good. But it will matter in the long run whether he has been directly abusive to the children, and whether he has allowed them to witness him abusing their mother. If he hasn't done either of these things, a court would likely grant him 50:50 at the very least.

I'm not saying this to scaremonger: I'm saying it because the OP needs to be aware that it is a possiblity, and she needs to take action to try to prevent it now.

In a situation where one parent has been a SAHP and the other has worked f/t, the SAHP will be assumed to be the primary caregiver unless there is a good reason for them not to be.

And, as others have said, OP, do not leave your children with him now, even for one minute. If you leave them with him now, it will make it very hard for you to argue in due course that he is too violent and unpredictable to look after them satisfactorily.

[TLouise1995]

Hi op, coming out of lurking just to say I am a 30 minute drive away from you. If you need help with absolutely anything please feel free to private message me and I can give you my phone number and details. I have two boys who are 5 and 3 and I have been in a similar situation, my heart goes out to you.

[JoanneCofton]

Op like a PP poster I’m not too far from you (about 45 minutes) and I too have been in a similar situation and know how hopeless it feels but I got out and it was truly the best thing I ever did. If you need anything just PM me, I have a car and can help you in anyway

[toocold54]

Why can’t you get your dog over to your mums?
Forget the insurance/tax you can appeal it if you get caught.

Can you stay there a few nights too - call in sick from work.
You will then be able to contact the council and get some accommodation from your mums.

[toocold54]

To the above PPs, that is really kind of you - there needs to be more people like you in this world

[billybagpuss]

Hope you were able to get some constructive help yesterday.

[Redruby2020]

@TLouise1995

Hi op, coming out of lurking just to say I am a 30 minute drive away from you. If you need help with absolutely anything please feel free to private message me and I can give you my phone number and details. I have two boys who are 5 and 3 and I have been in a similar situation, my heart goes out to you.

Aww that is so lovely

[billy1966]

How are you doing today OP?

[tiredandfrumpy]

Thanks @TLouise1995 really appreciate that.

The council have found me somewhere today but he's been stuck in the house all day so I'm just waiting to hear back from them to see if they can give me a day or two when he takes his mum food shopping. That gives me a few hours then.

[WeAreShiningStars]

Can you ask for the police to attend to you can leave safely today?

[tiredandfrumpy]

I'm leaving tonight when he falls asleep on the sofa the council have given me the key code for the property.I'm quite worried though as the area is very rough.

[CaraDuneRedux]

@WeAreShiningStars

Can you ask for the police to attend to you can leave safely today?

You can absolutely do this.

Not a DV situation, but I once had to help a friend get her stuff back from a batshit crazy landlady after the landlady had changed the locks. The police came and stood in the doorway looking imposing while we filled the van. My experience is they are great on stuff like this.

[Deathraystare]

@tiredandfrumpy Good luck!

[Dery]

“I'm leaving tonight when he falls asleep on the sofa the council have given me the key code for the property.I'm quite worried though as the area is very rough.”

Sorry if I’ve missed it but do you have a family member or friend who can help you move?

[CaraDuneRedux]

@tiredandfrumpy

I'm leaving tonight when he falls asleep on the sofa the council have given me the key code for the property.I'm quite worried though as the area is very rough.

and good luck from me too.

But please be careful.

I am worried about the thought of you trusting to him sleeping soundly enough for you to sneak children and bags with essentials out of the house without him waking.

I know I quoted the post just two posts back, but please think about getting the police to accompany you while you leave.

[RandomMess]

You can also prewarn the police you are leaving - see if you can contact your local domestic violence (may be called something else) on line right now?

But something like - escaping domestic abuse tonight.

[dublingirl66]

He is just AWFUL

Why would you stay

Get out ASAP

Glad to hear there are options

I have been there and yes leaving is so hard
Be very careful
He could attack you all

Also when he says he will kill himself do not believe him they all say this

[angelaEhen]

Good luck

[hennipenni]

Good luck tonight OP, I’ve been lurking on this thread.
Echo what other pp said about the police.

Please take care.

[dublingirl66]

Very best of luck
Stay strong

You can do this

Great advice on here has helped many of us in this awful position

My babies are so so happy now
Free and we have peace :)

[TinkerPony]

Would be safer to have the police help you move out escort you and kids.
Good luck take care.

[dublingirl66]

Good idea

Plus these abusers sense when the victim is making plans 😢😢

[Wateringcan27]

Best of luck to you for tonight, are you managing to take your dog too?
So glad you found somewhere to go

[StormsDontLastForever]

Good luck