I tried to leave OH last night and ended up back home!

[tiredandfrumpy]

Last night felt like the final straw for me however I ended up back home. It all started by me asking for the phone charger so I can get a bit off charge so I can set my alarm so I can't get up in the morning.

He wanted the charger back after 5 mins so wouldn't of been enough charge! This spiralled buy him pushing me of the bed into the wardrobe. Screaming in my face.

I packed mine and the kids things up managed to finally get past him and get them into the car this is when he shows me that I'm no longer on the car insurance he took me of weeks ago and forgot to add me back. Ive been driving round for weeks with no insurance. I ended up driving round the corner and just sat in Asda car park baring in mind this was 3 in the morning.

I came home at half 5 now I'm WFH on 2 hours sleep I'm so angry but I managed to get myself a charger so he no longer has that control over me now.

I just want out!! I'm so desperate my poor poor kids having to witness this shit all the time. It's my payday today so he goes to be hanging round me like a fly on shit.

I need to make a plan and leave this weekend as I'm off work but I have no where to go.

[tiredandfrumpy]

Honestly my mental health at the moment isn't great and I think sleeping in that horrible flat on air beds would make me feel a million times worse. If I'm going to leave and stay there I need to get it right for myself and the kids so I can make sure that I'm never coming back to him. If that kind of makes sense?

[Wanderlusto]

Honestly no op it doesnt make sense. Freedom anywhere with a roof is better than the most comfortable jail cell.

You can fix up the place as you go. Think of the pride you'll feel revamping a place and making it yours. If you do that whilst still at his, you wont get to feel that way as you will be too busy being scared itll be found.

And when it is ready, there will be some other excuse. Because not wanting to sleep on an air bed is an excuse not to leave. And a bad one at that.

Heads up, you will never feel quite 'ready' to leave. But you gotta rip the plaster off sometime.

[swinglowsweetchariot12]

@Wanderlusto

Honestly no op it doesnt make sense. Freedom anywhere with a roof is better than the most comfortable jail cell.

You can fix up the place as you go. Think of the pride you'll feel revamping a place and making it yours. If you do that whilst still at his, you wont get to feel that way as you will be too busy being scared itll be found.

And when it is ready, there will be some other excuse. Because not wanting to sleep on an air bed is an excuse not to leave. And a bad one at that.

Heads up, you will never feel quite 'ready' to leave. But you gotta rip the plaster off sometime.

This ☝️

[isthismylifenow]

Heads up, you will never feel quite 'ready' to leave. But you gotta rip the plaster off sometime

OP Wanderlust gives good advise.

I am sorry that your mental health isn't great, but you know that stbx is part of this don't you.... Try to think of the new flat is a more positive light. It isn't home (yet) and it may not have all the comforts you are used to now, but you will get there because you will be in a completely different frame of mind then.....

And yes, its easier to stay than go. Its hard, no-one is denying this. But once you have everything set up, will you put off going again for another reason?

Obviously this is your choice to make. Try to read all your posts as if someone else had posted them. As if you were an outsider to you situation.

[frozendaisy]

Is there anyone who can lend you money? And wouldn't mind being paid back bit by bit?

Or even a credit card you can always transfer to 0%.

Honestly anyone you know who will keep your business private, tell them the truth and what you need, would advise not his brother. People want to help others, selfishly it makes them feel better. People gave things they will give away to update their own stuff, some would even buy the kid's beds for you if it meant you were out of where you are.

Use your friends that is what they are for not just the good times.

Ask family for a donations towards a TV for your next 5 birthday presents.

Don't be embarrassed to ask for help.

Get creative.
Get out of the present house.

[Wanderlusto]

Anything he wont miss from the flat you could sell on Ebay for extra cash?

Tbh op rather than stay there another day, I'd get some sleeping bags and tell the kids to think of it like camping.

Try and see it as a new adventure op, rather than starting over. The first few nights are bound to be scary...but I bet they'll be exhilarating too.

[Ludo19]

So where is the dog now? Are you leaving the dog?

[elfies]

Freagle or freecycle , both have some good stuff on . Ours at the mo have settees, washing M/c. Yes you have to get help to collect , but they're free and clean

[pickingdaisies]

Sleeping bags and a mattress on the floor, then ask for loans, donations for other bits and pieces as you go. There will be help if you look for it. You can't start the healing process until you get out.

[dublingirl66]

Just to say this is a risky time for you your kids and your innocent dog too

He is likely to do anything

Could you get a cheap B and B for one night, source your furniture and then move in?
Lots of charities can help
I often donate to WA for these incidents

[RandomMess]

Treat it like the worst camping trip ever.

Please keep speaking to WA you are in danger of thinking it's not "bad enough" to leave when it is to an area and accommodation you don't like/far worse to where you live now.

It's really bad and has been bad for years.

[Chanandlerbong01]

How you doing op?

[tiredandfrumpy]

I'm fine I just went to do the food shop and popped up to the flat and managed to put some curtains up.

He's not spoken to me all day and I slept in the spare room last night. I'm fine though just trying to get some bits and bobs.

[notapizzaeater]

There's always lots of cheap furniture on our local Facebook page. Remember it's just a stop gap,

[Chanandlerbong01]

Glad you are fine! Once your belongings are in the flat will be much more appealing. Have you managed to find anything to furnish it?

[ScrumptiousBears]

Is there a Freecycle in your area. Where I live (not local to you) loads of people donate stuff for free

[MadeForThis]

Good luck

[Seth41]

You are doing well
Keep at it

[Bixs]

You’re doing amazing

[Milliepossum]

You’ve made a good start OP, you know where you and your children are first going to go. I think it’s ok to let your workplace know, but don’t tell his brother. If his brother tells him then your children and you are in a very dangerous situation. I know, I’ve been there. There were threats of suicide and in the end he did it even after numerous welfare checks by the police. This happened once he knew we were about to leave- until then the threats were about coercive control and while he was taking my money he was fine with abusing us. When it was clear the money supply and control were on the cusp of ending he escalated. The detectives said we were lucky he didn’t take us with him. We hadn’t moved out yet as I hadn’t organised somewhere to go. It is paramount that he knows nothing until after you have left. These assholes are unpredictable.

[Milliepossum]

I also understand the feeling of how unfair it is that you and your children have the upheaval of moving to somewhere unfamiliar. Once you get the furniture basics you need to get your personal things out of the house if safe to do so, please organise for the police to be there so you can do that safely. Please have the children somewhere else and not in the house when this is done, maybe a friend or someone from work sitting with them at the flat. Good luck OP, your doing well.

[Gubanc]

OP, in my area there is a re-us group on FB where people offer free things, furniture, clothes etc. You could look these up as well.

[dublingirl66]

How you today!

This gets better

I remember leaving my demon
And coming back to my parents house
To my cold room
With no bed and no belongings

I was just so relieved to be safe

It is crap
No doubt.
But each day you feel safe and peaceful

The joy I feel now at night when I spread myself out safely in my bed without worrying he will hit me is just priceless 😘😘😘😘😘😘

[IloveJudgeJudy]

Hi, OP. I haven't written on your thread yet bu I admire tremendously what you're doing.

I'll tell you a little story. I was selling some living room furniture some years ago, very cheaply. When the buyer came to pick it up we chatted. She told me she was moving into an unfurnished place; I knew that DM was trying to get rid of other furniture but hadn't got round to doing anything about it.

Long story short, buyer got loads of furniture for the small price she paid me for some living room furniture. People can be very helpful.

Hopefully you'll come across some generous people. There are many. I've seen loads on my local Facebook page.

[AnnaMagdalena]

OP, I know it's hard and horrendous - but you have to just go. It might really matter, further down the line, if you are able to say that you took the children out of an abusive environment as soon as he did what he did. Otherwise he - or a lawyer - will be able to argue later on "it can't have been that bad, as she didn't take the children and go straight away: what kind of mother would keep her children in an abusive situation?"

(Not that I'm saying this is what you are doing, but I have known situations like this which have been turned round on the woman later on).

Possessions are just stuff. People are enormously generous to others in need, on the whole (they were to my children and me, and I now find ways to give to other people whenever remotely possible).