I tried to leave OH last night and ended up back home!

[tiredandfrumpy]

Last night felt like the final straw for me however I ended up back home. It all started by me asking for the phone charger so I can get a bit off charge so I can set my alarm so I can't get up in the morning.

He wanted the charger back after 5 mins so wouldn't of been enough charge! This spiralled buy him pushing me of the bed into the wardrobe. Screaming in my face.

I packed mine and the kids things up managed to finally get past him and get them into the car this is when he shows me that I'm no longer on the car insurance he took me of weeks ago and forgot to add me back. Ive been driving round for weeks with no insurance. I ended up driving round the corner and just sat in Asda car park baring in mind this was 3 in the morning.

I came home at half 5 now I'm WFH on 2 hours sleep I'm so angry but I managed to get myself a charger so he no longer has that control over me now.

I just want out!! I'm so desperate my poor poor kids having to witness this shit all the time. It's my payday today so he goes to be hanging round me like a fly on shit.

I need to make a plan and leave this weekend as I'm off work but I have no where to go.

The suicide threat is just emotional manipulation, he won't carry it through.

He just doesn't work we agreed I would go to work full time and study and he would take care of the kids. However he seems so lazy he has opportunities to make some extra money but when it comes to it he has an excuse every time it would take some pressure of me if he just did it.

@AdventureCode thanks so much I did not know that.

Are the children safe with him if he pushes you around?

You need to sort your car insurance out urgently.

Good luck.

Do you receive the child benefit??

He will want to hang onto the DC as they and CB are his access to benefits and keeping the rented house.

You really need to go to a refuge due to his violence and the risk he is to you and the DC.

Yes contact women’s aid.
Another bullying bastard and also a lazy sod.
Your children and you deserve better. It is not acceptable.
It’s hard to leave these men.
You can call the police - he could be given a condition not to return to the property.
Is he looking after the children?
I doubt he’s able to meet there needs as he’s too focused on himself.
Have you any family you could go to?
You need to protect your children from him.
Seek support today.

Do you need him for childcare, I know it’s not easy at the moment but when it comes to custody I’m sure it will help if you can prove you can be independent of him.

Speak to your council, they can help you with your options including temporary accommodation and helping you with your deposit for a private key. Don't give up work, it's your ticket to independence

If you have a large employer they may will have a policy for those leaving abusive relationships. Worth contacting HR.

Definitely consider taking annual leave and parental leave whilst you short out childcare in order to keep your job. Would working part time be an opinion?

You will get help towards childcare costs from UC.

He will have to pay £5 child maintenance from his benefits via CMS- not much I know!

Sort out child benefit being in your name ASAP as you will need to for UC etc. He may contest it but if the DC are with you in a refuge he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Op

It is dire that your children was subjected to this.

You need to focus. You need to plan. You need to woman up and sort benefits and car insurance.

Hope you and kids are ok.
Is it your wages that pay the rent and car insurance. If yes, please report to police the violence last night and get him removed from house and get barring/protection order.
Then contact the estate agent to remove his name and put your name on lease as it was your money paying it same for car insurance.
Unless you dont want to stay in house move out.
He only crying fake tears cos he be losing his freevmeal ticket.
You are stronger than him.
Best of luck.

I would also see if his abuse extends to coercive control which is now a criminal offence and if it does get him charged.

Again this is for longer term do you can have the DC reside with you. It sounds as though there is a high risk of him using the DC to continue to control you.

You will need a minimum of 50% care in order for you to qualify for UC help towards housing the DC as well as yourself in a 2 bed.

He’s actually on a really precarious position, I hope your salary goes into your sole account. Do not give him a bean.

Contact your work if you haven't already done so that you are leaving DV, assure them you want to keep working but that things may be disrupted you are doing the best you can.

Good luck.

V5 is not proof of ownership of a vehicle, if you paid for it then it is yours.
Report him for assault, several reasons - you need evidence of domestic violence asap, you might be able to keep him out of the house in the short term, and it should help with legal aid if you need it further down the line.
Be very careful if he thinks you're leaving, tell him nothing. Ignore threats of suicide, been there and got the t-shirt, a friend pointed out that in the unlikely event he did ever go through with it that it was his choice not mine. He never did do anything to harm himself, aside from a pity party for one. Fortunately our son is grown up and I don't have to have anything to do with him any more.

Sending you strength and hugs to get you though

If you worked for me I would and explained your situation I am sure I could find a way for you to have some 'time off' without losing your job.

Tell your boss....if your boss knows you're in this situation, then your job will be safer.

You shouldn't have to leave your job...they may give you some leave AND you will get benefits to help with rent.

A refuge or temp accomodation is much better than this. Fuck that arsehole....do not let him talk you round.

Pushing you like that...how dare he!

Be careful leaving your job - if you leave it voluntarily you might not be eligible for benefits.

You also need professional advice if he is theoretically the SAHP.

Report the violence.

Please contact social services for help or citizens advice bureau consider this they can put you in touch with domestic abuse services and refer for an independent domestic violence advocate, there may also be a domestic abuse drop in near you, you are protecting your children you have to get out but this will be the most high risk time because he is aware you tried to leave yesterday. Don’t let him gaslight you into staying through guilt trip bills and bollocks. He will only continue to control you, get out while you can I wish you all the happiness in the world

OP just wanted you to know that what you are describing is very much an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

You have had some good advice on here.

You and your kids deserve better

Yes you do need to go and protect yourself and the children.

Please talk to people womens aid etc and also your work to see if you can get some time off.

Did you pay for the car? Is the invoice in your name?
If so you have enough proof it’s yours. Get it insured and make sure that paperwork is safe somewhere. I used to keep mine in the boot of the car, not ideal if he has access so if you have a friend who could keep it for you that would be better
Speak to womens aid about a refuge place. If your working from home a lot of this can be done online so he won’t hear you
Good luck

You have absolutely no need to worry here, you’re currently paying all the bills so will continue to be able to do so if he was gone. In fact you’d spend less with one less adult mouth to feed! As a single working parent you’d also be entitled to help with child care costs and possibly working tax credits or the equivalent to top up towards rent etc. Really HE ought to be the one leaving seeing as A he doesn’t pay any of the bills and cannot do so and B a single bloke is way easier to house than a family of 3!

What a horrible situation 💐 get out ASAP x