Fed up of DP calling me posh

[GreyFluffyTowel]

My DH and I were both brought up in the same town, although different areas. I was in the 'nicer' part, DP in what is considered the 'rougher' part. My parents were fairly comfortable, his not so much. None of those things even factored in us getting together. We've been together 3 years, lived together for just over 1. Over the past few months it's become increasing common for my DP to say 'I wish you weren't so posh' or 'you can tell you're privileged'. He claims he's joking but I don't find it funny. Apparently I'm sensitive. An example (it sounds ridiculous) - I was eating some toast with DP sitting next to me. He kept farting. I repeatedly asked him not too whilst I finished my toast, he told me I was posh. I'm posh for not wanting to brush my teeth whilst sitting on the loo. I'll say something and he'll say 'you sounded really posh then'. He comments about 'posh' people on the TV in a negative way. It's got to the point where I have said to him if I am too 'posh' then please go and find someone else who you feel is a better match for you and he then goes on the defensive and gets a bit moody.
Is he right, am I too sensitive?

You're not too sensitive. He sounds horrible. It's just good manners not to fart in front of people, especially people who are eating. Would he fart like that in front of his mum? His boss? That may give you your answer.

This sort of inter-class resentment is like acid to both the relationship and the target's wellbeing, and it doesn't get better.

Do you have children with him?

You're being overly sensitive, he's got a chip on his shoulder.

Also, take it from someone who is from a similar background as you, with a husband who has a similar background to yours, it can be tough as women who were raised with advantages to recognise that we are more privileged in many ways than men who were raised without them. It took a long time for me to own the myriad ways the accident of my birth had made my life easier than DH's, despite being a woman. It's not a comfortable feeling, but owning it is important.

No he's just being a twat.

I would dump him. Life's too short to put up with this shit.

He sounds pretty disgusting.

Start telling him you wish he wasn’t as common as muck, as rough as toast, a peasant, riff raff, a pleb.

And when he gets arsey, tell him you’re only joking, he’s far too sensitive and ask why he can dish it out but can’t take it, tell him that’s quite a ‘common’ trait.

Or... my preferred option, just fuck him off, because he sounds like a gobshite.

We're both working class, we don't fart while the other one is eating as it's just basic manners! He sounds gross.

I'd get rid. He's not only uncouth - it's disgusting to repeatedly fart next to someone who is eating - but he's making little digs and putting you down.

That would do it for me. Don't let the little woman get 'above herself'. Sneering at your upbringing. Make sure you feel insecure with comments about I wish you weren't... You could substitute any other adjective for posh and it would annoy me.

Bugger that.

His drip, drip, drip of negative and frankly insulting comments would've pushed me over the edge by now

I'd have responded along the lines of ''Good God, you're so bloody common!............''sitting there farting is really putting me off ever having sex again !

Perhaps even just responding with a breezy '' Well you know where the door is, don't you ? ''

Or a ''We really are miles apart aren't we ? Maybe we should really have a think about where our relationship is going as we're so far apart in what's 'acceptable behaviour' ?

Where are you from, I wonder.

I don't blame you for getting annoyed. I would say he has a bit of a chip on his shoulder, or resentment that you were brought up in more comfort than he was. He can't honestly expect you to beat yourself up about that?? Also, his idea of poshness is just ridiculous. None of those things are 'posh'. I find it interesting, and insulting that he things that farting is a particularly working class thing. He sounds like a loutish or laddish. Yuck.

What's intriguing here is that he married someone he regards as 'posh'. Makes me wonder if this was part of the attraction. He believed he was marrying up (a private little conquest for him which gave him a temporary ego boost), but it wasn't enough to alleviate the insecurity about his own background or way of living.

Errrrmmmm.... if not wanting people farting around you while eating is posh.... we should all be crowned queens tomorrow. You're not posh just for being raised differently. I'm sorry... but brushing your teeth while sat on the toilet? How did that even come up? It's not u. He is either very ignorant or hung up on the fact you had a "better upbringing than him". Those are not even decent reasons to call someone posh... what a fool.

Theres no such thing as being posh, it's all about manners and consideration for others. Farting when someone is eating is gross unless they are toddlers. Lock the toilet door so he doesnt know how you clean your teeth. I wouldnt bother discussing this with him, he just thinks he is being clever and funny.

No OP you are not being 'oversensitive'.

This has all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship in the making.

The digs at your background, minimising your feelings, sulking and 'victim-playing' are all hallmarks of low-level abuse which could escalate.

This book explains it very well.

blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/9780425191651?gC=5a105e8b&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIzcnt9cC17gIVAe3tCh0dkgXQEAQYASABEgLIv_D_BwE

Have a read and then decide on a course of action.

Bloody 'ell! It's nowt to do with you being "posh" or not. He's a fucking animal! Economic status has nothing to do with being raised completely mannerless and with nasty habits. We grew up poor but brushing teeth whilst on the loo, or farting while people were eating is disgusting. I live in a council flat now. Maybe that makes us dead common? I dunno. But my children and husband all act civilly. It sounds as though this situation is escalating? Making you feel you need to tell him to fuck off if he has a problem with you?

I would have to think long and hard about there being a future, especially if you have children. Do you want them raised seeing the level of manners of like shit-slinging chimps?

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

You are not being sensitive here.

The relationship should now be at an end. His moodiness towards you is an example of emotional abuse and it’s over anyway because of this.

@Ohalrightthen

I'm sorry, but I totally disagree that being 'working class' equates to farting sitting next to someone eating being totally acceptable

And 'owning' your 'social class' is such a horrendous idea ! Do you mean to imply that we somehow have to feel 'guilty' or 'ashamed' of either having an 'easier' or 'harder' upbringing ??

It doesn't matter whether you've been brought up in a different social class...........respect is learned by all social classes, and that's all the OP wants, a little respect !

Your partner is an insufferable arsehole. He's not joking, it's not funny, and he's having constant digs at your expense. He is degrading you, plain and simple.

This is abusive behaviour and I promise you it will only get worse. I would be getting the hell out of there so fast his head would spin.

"you have an issue with this don't you? it's getting boring at best, annoying at worst, I can't change my upbringing. Stop or leave."

Repeat, repeat...

He's got a chip on his shoulder and it sounds as if he is harbouring some resentment there.

It would really piss me off being continuously put down because I was too posh (for him!!).

Having to excuse the pig's behaviour just gets worse.

Do you actually want to be with him?

Very often, what you think are simple differences, very much grow in to big differences given time.

Ask him why he is with you then?

He’s not joking people who repeatedly say the same kind of things mean what they say.

He sounds awful, behaving like a pig & putting you down all the time. What are his good points?

It sounds like he's insecure or very resentful of you. He sounds very angry. What you're talking about isn't "posh" it's basic human decency we should all expect. It sounds like he's trying to score points.

We have children but not together.

Sometimes I feel like I'm almost excusing the fact that I had a comfortable upbringing. I even occasionally remind him that although my parents are comfortable (not wealthy), my whole adult life I've paid my own bills etc without any 'handouts'. If, for example, my boiler was to explode and I didn't have enough in my savings to cover it, yes my parents would help me out. He seems to have an issue with this.

I only earn enough to cover bills, buy the kids things, buy food. I certainly don't have lots of excess cash left over each month. It never used to be a problem for him so I really don't understand why it now is.

It's a matter of manners - respect for those around you who you live with. It's crude, disgusting and obnoxious behaviour - nothing to do with being ''posh''. He's trying to drag you down.

The bottom line is that he does not respect you, he's resentful of you, and he takes his own pathetic insecurities out on you.

There is no happy future to be had with this man. This relationship is doomed to fail.

You're not "posh" you just have standards. I used to get called posh too and it pissed me off. I tells you a lot about someone's inferiority complex when they say things about you being posh when you're not. He thinks you're too good for him and is using posh to insult you to make himself feel better. I'd be reevaluating the relationship as he will probably always feel that resentment towards you due to his perception of your "privilege."