Fed up of DP calling me posh

[GreyFluffyTowel]

My DH and I were both brought up in the same town, although different areas. I was in the 'nicer' part, DP in what is considered the 'rougher' part. My parents were fairly comfortable, his not so much. None of those things even factored in us getting together. We've been together 3 years, lived together for just over 1. Over the past few months it's become increasing common for my DP to say 'I wish you weren't so posh' or 'you can tell you're privileged'. He claims he's joking but I don't find it funny. Apparently I'm sensitive. An example (it sounds ridiculous) - I was eating some toast with DP sitting next to me. He kept farting. I repeatedly asked him not too whilst I finished my toast, he told me I was posh. I'm posh for not wanting to brush my teeth whilst sitting on the loo. I'll say something and he'll say 'you sounded really posh then'. He comments about 'posh' people on the TV in a negative way. It's got to the point where I have said to him if I am too 'posh' then please go and find someone else who you feel is a better match for you and he then goes on the defensive and gets a bit moody.
Is he right, am I too sensitive?

@BornIn78

He sounds pretty disgusting.

Start telling him you wish he wasn’t as common as muck, as rough as toast, a peasant, riff raff, a pleb.

And when he gets arsey, tell him you’re only joking, he’s far too sensitive and ask why he can dish it out but can’t take it, tell him that’s quite a ‘common’ trait.

Or... my preferred option, just fuck him off, because he sounds like a gobshite.

All of this^

Especially this:
Start telling him you wish he wasn’t as common as muck, as rough as toast, a peasant, riff raff, a pleb.
It'll work a treat

Thedancingbear
knitting addict put it well:

Just wanted to add that if he genuinely hated posh people why did he pick you to have a relationship with? It's not like the world is full of only posh people. Is it because, like all abusive people, he has spotted a target for his nastiness that you can't change about yourself. He can therefore do this to you for as long as he likes

dancingbear if you meet a posh person do you spend your time berating them for it?

Posh / not posh who cares , he sounds like a cave man

🤣🤣 I'm from a council estate, daughter, granddaughter, greatgrandaughter of miners. If you look in the dictionary for working class, you'll see my photo.

But please, do tell me what a non privileged response is to someone who says their partner is really upsetting them by sneering at them. I'm fascinated.

Do you think the op deserves to be treated like this? That her partner is right and reasonable to repeatedly criticise her and she should say yes dear, you're so right, I'm privileged, I deserve this.
Instead of just making digs at posters who think it's not ok for one partner to sneer at the other, please share your wisdom and enlighten us.

thedancingbear. So now chip on your shoulder is racist? Sure it is. It can be if used to put down a racist person, but what does racism have to do with this. Honestly your posts seem designed to goad and I'm not going to derail op's thread.

If it helps I have proper working class credentials. Bought up on council estates till I got married at 20 and clothed in hand me downs for most of that time. My parents were proud, but poor and disabled. Your background is?

I married someone from a middle class background and still together 35 years later. Our differences in class are irrelevant because I married a decent man and I'm not abusive either. I think the op should look for a decent man. Any class will do.

this is about quite a lot more than you then. He's moving into radical politics and that's where perspective and even personal relationships can get subsumed by the "cause".

Sorry my post should have said It can be if used by a racist person

Say to him how hurtful you find it when it he says this. If he keeps on doing it after this, well, what do you think you should do?

Op, I’m curious as to his general character? Apart from this behaviour you have posted about is there anything else? What is he like in general?

In another breath I agree with what others are saying. I think he would pick on something else if not this. I tried to change the way I spoke so my ex wouldn’t pick on it. He decided to pick on my cooking next

@ravenmum

Your boyfriend feels inferior to you, so is attacking you to make himself feel better by comparison.

This.

He also sounds horrible, farting when you are eating. Vile.

@GreyFluffyTowel

My DH and I were both brought up in the same town, although different areas. I was in the 'nicer' part, DP in what is considered the 'rougher' part. My parents were fairly comfortable, his not so much. None of those things even factored in us getting together. We've been together 3 years, lived together for just over 1. Over the past few months it's become increasing common for my DP to say 'I wish you weren't so posh' or 'you can tell you're privileged'. He claims he's joking but I don't find it funny. Apparently I'm sensitive. An example (it sounds ridiculous) - I was eating some toast with DP sitting next to me. He kept farting. I repeatedly asked him not too whilst I finished my toast, he told me I was posh. I'm posh for not wanting to brush my teeth whilst sitting on the loo. I'll say something and he'll say 'you sounded really posh then'. He comments about 'posh' people on the TV in a negative way. It's got to the point where I have said to him if I am too 'posh' then please go and find someone else who you feel is a better match for you and he then goes on the defensive and gets a bit moody. Is he right, am I too sensitive?

No.

He's a pig. And it's nothing to do with where he was brought up.

@thedancingbear. Your choice of language is really instructive. We see you.

Who's 'we'?

He's just a nasty shit and this has fuck all to do with privilege

No it’s not just posh people he doesn’t like , he thinks all police are corrupt , so I’m guessing is pretty anti establishment .
He knows your brother is a police officer but yet still feels it’s ok to be insulting about that
I’d have bitten a long time ago . When he told me ‘ I wish you weren’t so posh ‘ I’d have said ‘ I wish you were a bit posher ,but you’re not so we just have to accept it ’. He sounds like a full on cunt to be fair,
Just because he volunteers at help the homeless and supports BLM ,that doesn’t automatically make him a good person, even if he thinks it does

I didn't see the stuff about him being into volunteering etc Is he a brocialist? Leftie, bearded, misogynist who lectures you on feminism?

@poppyzbrite4

I didn't see the stuff about him being into volunteering etc Is he a brocialist? Leftie, bearded, misogynist who lectures you on feminism?

What? He volunteers? Helping other people? What a cunt!

When did this place become so nasty and right-wing?

@thedancingbear You need to calm down.

He's nasty in his closest personal relationship.

Doing good deeds to strangers doesn't absolve you from that tbh.

Are you ok dancingbear? I genuinely mean that as you seem to be seeing an agenda behind posts that doesn't exist. Racism? Right wing?

@knittingaddict

Are you ok dancingbear? I genuinely mean that as you seem to be seeing an agenda behind posts that doesn't exist. Racism? Right wing?

No you don't.

I never suggested anyone was racist. I suggested that responding to conversations about privilege by suggesting that working class people had 'chips on their shoulder' chimed with my experience of black and asian people being accused of the same thing. It's a hall mark of prejudice and a strategy aimed to shut down discussion.

And deciding someone's a bad person on the basis that they volunteer in their spare time is some pretty fucked up logic. Right wingers usually spout this crap. it's in the same category of dismissing people as 'virtue signalling' and calling them 'woke'.

But you know all this, of course.

He's being a total man child. Have you told him you don't like the constant posh comments? Seems like he's getting spiteful with it and not even joking anymore

All sorts of people can volunteer but be abusive at home.

@thedancingbear I'm left wing but have experience of right on blokes who are usually misogynist, lecturing me on feminism and women's causes such as #METO. This man's behaviour is awful, I don't understand why you have taken it upon yourself to defend him.

He is using his girlfriend's background to put her down. He is behaving like a pig and making snide remarks to her in order to undermine her and make her feel ashamed and you seem to be his biggest advocate.

It has nothing to do with privilege, she doesn't come from a particularly privileged background and, even if she did, that's no excuse for constantly getting at her and making her feel bad about herself. He's trying to get her to accept unacceptable behaviour.

[quote poppyzbrite4]@thedancingbear I'm left wing but have experience of right on blokes who are usually misogynist, lecturing me on feminism and women's causes such as #METO. This man's behaviour is awful, I don't understand why you have taken it upon yourself to defend him.

He is using his girlfriend's background to put her down. He is behaving like a pig and making snide remarks to her in order to undermine her and make her feel ashamed and you seem to be his biggest advocate.

It has nothing to do with privilege, she doesn't come from a particularly privileged background and, even if she did, that's no excuse for constantly getting at her and making her feel bad about herself. He's trying to get her to accept unacceptable behaviour.[/quote]
I'm not defending him particularly. Tbh the jibes about the OP's poshness sound fairly trivial though it's within her gift to be irritated by them. We can't tell from the OP whether he's a bit abusive, or just not as funny as he thinks he is.

The farting is grim. But this is a function of him being a pig in that respect. It's nothing to do with him being working class. I find the association between poor hygiene and manners, and social class, pretty offensive.

I also find the suggestion that working class people who raise issues of privilege have 'chips on their shoulder' to be pretty fucking offensive and nasty.

@BornIn78

He sounds pretty disgusting.

Start telling him you wish he wasn’t as common as muck, as rough as toast, a peasant, riff raff, a pleb.

And when he gets arsey, tell him you’re only joking, he’s far too sensitive and ask why he can dish it out but can’t take it, tell him that’s quite a ‘common’ trait.

Or... my preferred option, just fuck him off, because he sounds like a gobshite.

And this post in particular is pretty horrendous. Substitute the language here with the equivalent expressions used towards black people, or gay people, and you should be able to see the problem.

Or are people with a few quid less than you just considered fair game?