Fed up of DP calling me posh

[GreyFluffyTowel]

My DH and I were both brought up in the same town, although different areas. I was in the 'nicer' part, DP in what is considered the 'rougher' part. My parents were fairly comfortable, his not so much. None of those things even factored in us getting together. We've been together 3 years, lived together for just over 1. Over the past few months it's become increasing common for my DP to say 'I wish you weren't so posh' or 'you can tell you're privileged'. He claims he's joking but I don't find it funny. Apparently I'm sensitive. An example (it sounds ridiculous) - I was eating some toast with DP sitting next to me. He kept farting. I repeatedly asked him not too whilst I finished my toast, he told me I was posh. I'm posh for not wanting to brush my teeth whilst sitting on the loo. I'll say something and he'll say 'you sounded really posh then'. He comments about 'posh' people on the TV in a negative way. It's got to the point where I have said to him if I am too 'posh' then please go and find someone else who you feel is a better match for you and he then goes on the defensive and gets a bit moody.
Is he right, am I too sensitive?

It sounds like his politics degree has made him realize that in some eyes he is lover 'class' than you and now 'putting you in your place' by trying to bring you down. As though he thinks you might think he's not good enough for you and so is trying to crush you. If you think about some of the social situations that he might have looked at or conspired in his course perhaps he's noticed there is in fact a gap between you.

I would dump anyone who farted next to me while I was eating. That's so disgusting and has absolutely nothing to do with class/poshness. Just absolute downright bad manners. And he obviously has a massive chip on his shoulder.. get rid, you sound way too good for him and not because you're posh but because you're decent.

Tell him that if that's what being working class means, you're glad you're not, and you wish he wasn't either. In fact he needs to stick to his own class, and leave you with posher, nicer people.

This sounds like the begining of an emotionally abusive relationship. Anything you feel or don't like is "wrong" because you're posh. Small things at the moment, but how long before it's something big. I would say it needs to stop or you are over. Don't allow him to beat your self esteem into the ground first. And for goodness sake, don't have a child with this man!

Oh I've just read your post about him being 'woke'. I know lots of people like this...stand up for everyone but not 'posh' people. I was brought up with a decent amount of money but we were certainly not what some people call 'posh'. I hate that it's okay to bash people who are better off in life, as you say you can't help who you were born to anymore than 'poor' people. Even the mega rich don't deserve the shit.

@BornIn78

He sounds pretty disgusting.

Start telling him you wish he wasn’t as common as muck, as rough as toast, a peasant, riff raff, a pleb.

And when he gets arsey, tell him you’re only joking, he’s far too sensitive and ask why he can dish it out but can’t take it, tell him that’s quite a ‘common’ trait.

Or... my preferred option, just fuck him off, because he sounds like a gobshite.

I love your response and wish i was there to witness it! ;))

Just reading this made me want to deck him. YANBU OP, he sounds like an immature dick.

He's also a really bad advertisement for working-class people. Most of us aren't like that.

I grew up poor as piss, but what he is referring to is you having good manners. He sounds like he’s been dragged up. Now, my DH can be a bit coarse, but he would find farting whilst eating and brushing teeth on the loo the height of bad manners. Me too. I’d have had a cuff round the ear for being so manky when I was a kid.

Just let him go. You will be much happier

Oh OP I cannot see this getting any better tbh, he should either nip it in the bud or you face a divide between you both. Time for a sit down and a serious talk I think

He sounds like a keeper...
🤔

I wouldnt like the farting, especially if I thought it was deliberate and he didnt apologise.
The brushing your teeth while sitting n the loo is a bit urgh but if bathroom door is closed thats his business no one elses.
For want of a better term, I came from a poor working class background, DH comes from a middle class background. DH was blind to the many advantages his upbringing gave him, for example he couldnt understand why it took me so long to drive -his parents paid for lessons , his first car and insurance, he passed at 17, I had to fund that all myself so it took longer and didnt pass until i was 23 and then it took me a year to save up for a car and insurance, so when he doesnt appreciate what a helping hand he has had it winds me up a bit if Im honest. However we still have a lot in common and similar values and goals so differences in backgrounds has been ok

OP, is it an electric toothbrush with removable heads he is proposing? That sounds fine - as long as you are comfortable that you know which is yours (color coded bands on ours) - but if you are not comfortable, then that is YOUR choice, and not posh or otherwise. Just your choice.

This man sounds like an ass, and he has little or no respect for you.

You should just overlook these comments really, make a joke out of them. When I first met my late Husband, many many years ago, he was at UNI, But came home to his parents quite often, they lived in their own home, about a ten minute walk from my council house estate.

When my then boyfriend's Mother asked him where I lived, she said, oh dear,why do you wan't to go out with a backstreet girl, who works in an office in town, when you could meet lots of other types of girls at UNI.. This always became a standing joke between late Husband and myself, I was always saying, now don't forget, I will always be your Back Street girl,with nothing going for her. It just became a family joke !

Leave now this is emotional abuse. He is also gaslighting you when you challenge his behaviour, also see DARVO. He is undermining your confidence to control you.

No your partner has been dragged up its not the areas fault at all it's his parents.... I grew up in a nice house and now I live in a council house but I still have standards and manners, my upbringing isn't because we had a nice house, a nice car, the fact my parents worked all hours etc it was because my parents (mainly my mum) brought me up to have respect and dignity.
The council estate I live on gets a bad rep but you know what?? The trouble is caused by a few not the majority and its actually a great place to live.
He was raised wrong thats not your fault. Tell him to leave if he's so unhappy with you.

Get out now. He will try to control you eventually. Wanting to change you. He will drag you down

@1forAll74

You should just overlook these comments really, make a joke out of them. When I first met my late Husband, many many years ago, he was at UNI, But came home to his parents quite often, they lived in their own home, about a ten minute walk from my council house estate.

When my then boyfriend's Mother asked him where I lived, she said, oh dear,why do you wan't to go out with a backstreet girl, who works in an office in town, when you could meet lots of other types of girls at UNI.. This always became a standing joke between late Husband and myself, I was always saying, now don't forget, I will always be your Back Street girl,with nothing going for her. It just became a family joke !

But your MIL wasnt joking and your husband was. That entirely different. This OPs partner is the one belittling her. Why should she laugh off her partner trying to make her feel bad about herself?

He continues to do something you have consistently said is really offensive to you. Why are you still with him?

If a friend or a sister came to you and shared this story with you about her relationship with a man like this...what would you tell her to do?

You question yourself as being too sensitive..... what’s next, “it’s my fault he hit me”. Think about it please.

You are not too sensitive at all. Its a bit like hes putting you down... a bit passive aggressive..

He sounds insecure in being not posh 🙄

Inverted snobbery can be annoying but i do get it. There is a lot to feel pissed off with about elitism/the class system, and I’m sure he’s seen a lot of it in his political studies. Maybe his studies have changed him and how he sees the world in the time that you’ve been together?

In spite of all that, none of it is an excuse for belittling you. He’s supposed to be your greatest champion - not be chipping away at your sense of self. And over things as irrelevant and grim as farting over dinner and brushing your teeth on the sh!tter?! The negative comments about ‘posh’ people on TV are clearly aimed at you. Why does he want to make you feel shit? Now that he knows you don’t find it funny and you want him to stop, why doesn’t he? Maybe plan a retort focusing on something he’s sensitive about and, when he is hurt and surprised in response, say something along the lines of ‘you don’t like it when I do it back to you. it doesn’t feel nice does it? so please stop picking on me now.’

If he doesn’t stop it is a bit of an alarm bell ringer... I don’t want to say it as he sounds as though he has some lovely qualities but he shouldn’t be actively wanting to erode your confidence over something you can’t (and shouldn’t have to) change. :(