Fed up of DP calling me posh

[GreyFluffyTowel]

My DH and I were both brought up in the same town, although different areas. I was in the 'nicer' part, DP in what is considered the 'rougher' part. My parents were fairly comfortable, his not so much. None of those things even factored in us getting together. We've been together 3 years, lived together for just over 1. Over the past few months it's become increasing common for my DP to say 'I wish you weren't so posh' or 'you can tell you're privileged'. He claims he's joking but I don't find it funny. Apparently I'm sensitive. An example (it sounds ridiculous) - I was eating some toast with DP sitting next to me. He kept farting. I repeatedly asked him not too whilst I finished my toast, he told me I was posh. I'm posh for not wanting to brush my teeth whilst sitting on the loo. I'll say something and he'll say 'you sounded really posh then'. He comments about 'posh' people on the TV in a negative way. It's got to the point where I have said to him if I am too 'posh' then please go and find someone else who you feel is a better match for you and he then goes on the defensive and gets a bit moody.
Is he right, am I too sensitive?

He’s chip, chip, chipping isn’t he? I don’t think I could be with someone like this. Class is nothing to do with it, he has an inferiority complex and is deflecting it onto you. I hope your children don’t hear him making these comments about you - they need good male role models in their lives. Shut him down every time or really consider about your long term relationship with him. He sounds a right d*head.

@GreyFluffyTowel

Who brushes their teeth while on the toilet - gross! I wouldn't do that even if I was running late for something important Don't think that has anything to do with class.

Has he felt emasculated by something recently e.g. you or your parents bailing him/the family out? Have you directly asked him why in the last few months, your "poshness" particularly become an issue? I can't imagine this was an issue at the beginning of the relationship so I would be wondering what's triggered that behaviour now. Either way I would be telling him to cut it out because it's disrespectful to you considering he chose to be in a relationship with you.

Just wanted to add that if he genuinely hated posh people why did he pick you to have a relationship with? It's not like the world is full of only posh people. Is it because, like all abusive people, he has spotted a target for his nastiness that you can't change about yourself. He can therefore do this to you for as long as he likes.

His background is neither the cause - nor does it excuse - his behaviour. Why the hell are you with him?

Punching up is an unpleasant concept.

Yep. Mind you, it's not surprising that MN is siding with a privileged woman over a working-class man.

OP, you may be better off with someone who shares your privilege.

Careful, your chip is showing.

@knittingaddict

Just wanted to add that if he genuinely hated posh people why did he pick you to have a relationship with? It's not like the world is full of only posh people. Is it because, like all abusive people, he has spotted a target for his nastiness that you can't change about yourself. He can therefore do this to you for as long as he likes.

This. 100% It's pretty messed up how he's attacking for something you can't change. Like he's getting a thrill out of it.

And for the posters saying MN is siding with a privileged woman rather than a working class man, you also come across with a chip on your shoulder. It's not the class of him, it's his behaviour.
If it wasnt this, he would find something else to beat you with so you will 'never be good enough'. He does it so you know your place and it keeps you down. You will eve win this.

*never

This won’t get better I’m afraid. Time to cut and run.

@GreyFluffyTowel

It's just bizarre. Pro BLM, hates anyone 'different' being treated unfairly, volunteered at help the homeless (all great things). But 'posh' people? He can't stand them.

Does he have a beard ? Those beardy left wing dude blokes all hate women. If it wasn’t your supposed poshness he’d be negging you about something else.

Your DP has bad manners. Nothing about you being posh.

You aren't married to him. I'd leave. Imagine how he behaves when you're married.

People are siding with the person being treated like shit rather than the person being a twat.

Privilege has nothing to do with it and it's really odd someone would see it that way. Are we supposed to go ah look op, I'm on his side here, you deserve it, you have more 'privilege' and therefore he can be an arse to you. 🙄

Thinking along the brother lines.

It's not uncommon to hear "our Mary is stuck up/ thinks she's better than me/ woe is me sort of thing from these types. About people with the same family background!

It's not you op.

Unfortunately he sounds like a person who'd find something to get annoyed about and keep chipping away. We cant help where we are born or how we are raised fgs

His behaviours disgusting whatever kind of background you come from!

You are living with a man who puts you down.

Is this really what you want your children to grow up with?

He sounds like a complete twat. What positives does he bring to the relationship?

Privilege has nothing to do with it and it's really odd someone would see it that way. Are we supposed to go ah look op, I'm on his side here, you deserve it, you have more 'privilege' and therefore he can be an arse to you. 🙄

According to thedancingbear yes we are.

My husband and l had totally different upbringing- he thinks l was rich because my dad had a job! He came from a large family on a rough London council estate l came from a typical household in a small town where my parents had a mortgage- we weren't rich at all but by his standards we were but the point is - we respect each other and any mickey taking for our differences is done with affection not resentment.

He sounds like my ex. He’s rude and has manners.

@Andante57

Privilege has nothing to do with it and it's really odd someone would see it that way. Are we supposed to go ah look op, I'm on his side here, you deserve it, you have more 'privilege' and therefore he can be an arse to you. 🙄

According to thedancingbear yes we are.

Look, the final analysis is someone being called out on their privilege. And they don't like it.

And, clearly, nor do you.

@knittingaddict

Yep. Mind you, it's not surprising that MN is siding with a privileged woman over a working-class man.

OP, you may be better off with someone who shares your privilege.

Careful, your chip is showing.

When I was younger, I used to hear black and asian people accused by racists of having a 'chip on their shoulder'.

Your choice of language is really instructive. We see you.

@thedancingbear Wtf are you talking about? Who is being called out on 'their privilege'?

The OP is have snide remarks directed at her because she doesn't like people trumping over her toast. Have you swallowed The Little Book of Woke?

OP, you may be better off with someone who shares your privilege.

Who is who seeing? You sound ridiculous. You are not some hero underdog. Plenty of people grow up without money (myself included), without privilege and don't think the world is against us.

And btw I'm Asian. You don't see anything.