Am I being over sensitive? I think I probably am. *text messages attached*

[Letmeoutmycage]

Back story, husband has OCD and everything has to be clean and immaculate (he also cleans it’s not just me). He works away for months at a time (sometimes) and every time he's due to come home I spend days cleaning the house top to bottom so it’s sparkling.

I’m looking for opinions on these messages

I guess what I was wanting out of the conversation was for him to tell me not to worry about cleaning, and that it’s not a priority but that never came across to me in the messages.

I’m probably being over sensitive.. also I apologise for the Scottish slang

I have also blanked out everything else in black that wasn’t about the cleaning.

No. Not over sensitive at all. He definitely didn’t say not to worry about it. Why don’t he saying anything about how he’ll be able to help with home schooling the children? It’s all about the cleaning. Have you posted about him before? I think I remember your previous thread if you have.

Did you post about him before?

I don't think I've ever had a conversation about cleaning like that! What's your home situation like? Are you caring for children and working? I think if I were you I wouldn't have said all that.

Does he have diagnosed OCD OP? .. you shouldn't feel pressured into having the house "sparkling" which comes across a bit in the texts. Even if you weren't doing homeschool etc 🤷🏻‍♀️ x

Based on those messages alone, and knowing nothing more about him, I think they're ok. He's trying hard to repeat to not worry about it and he'll sort it.

He says it is what it is ie you can't help the current situation and he will sort it when he is home.

I don't see anything wrong with his reply.

I’m sure I’ve read this before (maybe not the texts but similar situation)
You need to stop apologising for the house ans feeling you need to make excuses. I wouldn’t have brought it up. If he wants to clean when he gets home let him crack on

You sound more stressed about the cleaning than he does.

You’ve posted about this before. I think if nothing has changed you’ll get the same replies

I think it’s clear from the messages that cleaning is very important to him, and I guess he would be lying if he said ‘it doesn’t matter’... However, he did say ‘it is what it is’ a couple of times so seems to be saying he is not expecting you to sort it , and that he will do it. So, as long as he actually means that and is not going to give you a hard time about it, then I can’t see anything to get too worked up about. However, depends a bit on the history and context!

Didn't you post previously just before he was due home the last time?

Have you posted before about him? On the surface - without background- his texts seem fairly innocuous, but why are you apologetic and justifying yourself ?

Yes he doesn’t seem that bothered, you keep bringing it up

Have you posted about this situation before? I don't see how you expect it to change if you don't do something to change it.

They're perfectly fine messages imo.

I must be missing something I think the messages are fine

“Nice to know what I’ll be coming to “ sounds really sarcastic and rude, but texts are easy to misunderstand if you don’t know someone- is he being sarcastic ?

Nothing wrong with the messages. But don't give way to him on OCD, don't explain, don't apologise, don't even bring it up. It's his problem not yours. Will he get treatment?

@BringBiscuits

You sound more stressed about the cleaning than he does.

Yes because she knows the reaction she'll get if she doesn't "manage" his expectations

He sounds quite supportive regarding the cleaning to me! It's clearly important to him but he's not asking or expecting anything of you.

Yes I have wrote a post previously about him, it was a while ago and under a different name

In the past he has sent me lists of what to clean. Although he hasn’t done this in a long time I feel like I have to constantly bring up the cleaning. If I manage to do it I tell him and feel rewarded when he says well done, if I don’t think I’m going to manage I also feel like I have to tell him, to pre warn him before he comes home that the house isn’t going to be done to his standard.

Abit embarrassed about people recognising this has been posted about before

Most people are right I’m probably being over sensitive, I just wanted him to say the words “don’t worry about the cleaning, you have enough to do”. I suppose he has in a round about way as others have mentioned.

Those texts aren’t bad, and in fact you are the one that kept the conversation on cleaning, you could have changed the subject after the first text. He sounds quite understanding that the house won’t be spotless and he will have to do some cleaning to get it to the standard he likes.

I remember your previous posts though, has he changed much? The lists were unacceptable.

I also remember you from before and the lists. Everything still revolves around him and the cleaning then?

Has he actually been diagnosed with OCD?

OP, it’s sort of not fair to set him up to fail.
You want him to say a particular thing “you have enough to deal with”. ... how is he supposed to know that?
You are , just my opinion, making a bad man out of a good one. You are stressed (I assume he gets that), he comes home and does extra cleaning..? But you know what- it depends on what your house is like. I’m not going to be popular for saying this but are you looking for him to say I couldn’t give a shit if you just do no housework.
Which is a bit different from what those texts suggest. You seem to want to set yourself up for failure in his eyes, to piss him off? It’s a weird dynamic.
But, his texts do not read like a) a controlling person or b) someone obsessed with cleaning.
If I’m wrong.., what happens when he gets home and nothing is “as it should be”?