Am I being over sensitive? I think I probably am. *text messages attached*

[Letmeoutmycage]

Back story, husband has OCD and everything has to be clean and immaculate (he also cleans it’s not just me). He works away for months at a time (sometimes) and every time he's due to come home I spend days cleaning the house top to bottom so it’s sparkling.

I’m looking for opinions on these messages

I guess what I was wanting out of the conversation was for him to tell me not to worry about cleaning, and that it’s not a priority but that never came across to me in the messages.

I’m probably being over sensitive.. also I apologise for the Scottish slang

I have also blanked out everything else in black that wasn’t about the cleaning.

Regardless of everyone's standards of cleaning or the context of the messages the point is the OP has felt the need to address it and bring it up herself to him before he gets home because she's either
A) anxious and worried about how he'll react if the house isn't up to his standards which suggests he's done this before which sounds quite controlling or
B) the need for approval from him which suggests possible controlling behaviour or low self esteem

Either way don't stress if your not living in a tip then it's his issue and he can please himself and make it sparkle when he's home! Address the bigger issue x

Hi OP, while it's difficult to tell from the texts, the fact that you are posting here tells me this is a problem.
I'm not an expert, but have a family member with OCD. Usually, a feature of OCD is that the person doesn't actually want to do the ritual they're performing. They are forced to, by the belief that something terrible will happen if they don't. I don't know if that applies here?
There is another condition called Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD), which might be worth looking at it - it may not be relevant at all, but mentioning it just in case.
Hope it works out OP. This is his issue, not yours, I'd say, but very difficult to live with.

@toocold54

*"Nice to know what I'll be coming home to" Oh yeah, really nice*

He’s saying he prefers to be made aware before he gets back.
It’s better to know so he is prepared and as he does have issues with things being clean OP knew he would want to know beforehand what it’s going to be like.

I think it's pretty obvious that's NOT what he meant!

I remember your previous posts about him and his bloody lists! I would be shoving his lists down the nearest toilet!
Cleaning the oven and the car the day before he arrives! All outside windows!
Who does he think he is? He's acting like he's royalty on a state visit.

I think a lot of posters haven't read the sarky second slide/photo you've posted. I'd be pissed off with him if I'm honest with you - it's your home too not a hotel. One lockdown is over I would suggest getting a cleaner when he sends you a list of things to clean (which is very cheeky!) and when he next brings up his ocd say it's time you got that diagnosed as I feel it's an excuse to pressurise me into making the house into a show house rather than my own home...time to be strong op

I think it's pretty obvious that's NOT what he meant!

Oh right I didn’t know you knew him personally

Weirdly I was just thinking about that thread yesterday and how OP would cope with homeschooling alongside mandatory skirting board cleaning. I can barely get the bins out these days

You've definitely posted about this before, you'll probably not receive much of a different response from posters. For what it's worth, I don't see anything wrong with those messages, they actually come across as helpful and I'd be relieved to know he's gonna get stuck in when he gets home

It definitely sounds like you are trying to appease him. Which is bullshit and completely unnecessary.

I apologise if I’m incorrect but if you are the same poster was the issue not about far more than the cleaning, his expectations were ridiculous, you and your sons felt like you were walking on eggshells whenever he was home, scared to have anything less than perfect and worried how he may react.
If this was you my advice would be the same as it was then, that way of living has already damaged and will continue to damage you and your sons, get out now.

There are two issues here.

1. His ridiculous standards of cleanliness which is incompatible with family life, especially in lockdown. Even that wouldn't be an issue if he just did it himself without the fuss,irritability etc. If he has OCD, he needs to own it,see the GP and get help. Otherwise he can't use it as a stick to beat you with.

1. Your anxiety and need for approval. Have you always been like this? Did he exacerbate it? Did it only start with him?

His messages this time round are absolutely fine. You're the one pushing it not him. He says he'll sort it, and doesn't sound at all put out.

However I do remember the last thread, and that was more concerning. But my positive take from this set of messages is that he is taking more responsibility for the way he is, than last time.

I think the messages sound fine. He's also said he will clean.

His messages aren’t terrible now but they were. Your reaction is an echo from his earlier behaviour (the list of jobs, the requests for photographic evidence, moody when it was clean but not sparkling). I would HATE to live like that OP. He has made you feel anxious about this.

I can't see anything wrong with the messages. If he is prepared to do the cleaning to his standards then I wouldn't worry. You seem to have more of an issue about it than he does.

What would have happened if the house wasn't up to his "standards" when he got home?

It sounds like you are scared of the reaction you would have got. Which is no way to live.

Ah OP I remember your previous thread so well as it chilled me to the bone - you were dreading him coming home for Christmas and he had sent you a list of things needing doing and expected you to sort all the presents too. IIRC he also expected you to send him photos after you had cleaned, to make sure you had done it properly. You sounded so sad back then.

So of course I think those texts were meant to make you feel guilty and inadequate as he is probably still the same nasty, controlling arse he was a couple of years ago.

I remember your post from before and if I remember rightly he was due to fly home and literally kept saying can’t wait to see the nice clean house but didn’t you kick off in the end and say no I’m not doing it, and he acted shocked but-apologised saying he doesn’t expect you to keep up with his OCD? In which case, he’s a twat for already going back to these little reminders. The texts this time don’t seem that bad but they do with the back story and the ‘nice to know what I’m coming home to’ is blatant sarcasm and ridiculous this is what he’s focusing on rather than you and the kids. At least he’s not suggesting his mum cleans for
You like last time because everyoneeee wants their MIL snooping through their whole house don’t they 🤦🏼‍♀️😂xx

Wanting a house to be cleaned by his wife to his standards is controlling behaviour, not OCD. Nothing you have said suggests he has OCD. He's using that term to hide behind his unacceptable behaviour.

And I say that remembering your prior posts. The texts you posted here aren't necessarily sinister.

Firstly as someone with OCD it is really irritating when people say they have OCD when they basically just like the house being clean or are a bit obsessive about cleaning and tidying. That is NOT what OCD is at all and the term shouldn't be thrown around 😒

Secondly, I remember your first thread and thought he sounded awful - verging on abusive, LTB awful. But actually from this thread he seems fine, I can't see anything wrong with those messages, he was being really chilled about it and not putting you under any pressure at all and it was you who kept going on about it! He didn't seem fussed at all.

@Krook

Sorry OP but I really doubt he would be diagnosed with OCD. He obviously likes things clean and tidy but is using it as a method of control. OCD is not just about being irritable when things aren't cleaned to your liking.

100% this. I am actually diagnosed with OCD. It is far more that just acting like an ass if things aren’t tidy op. And if he truly does think he has OCD then he needs to get some professional help and be proactive in his treatment- OCD is not an excuse for shitty behaviour. Saying that- his texts didn’t seem bad to me

He’s being a bit of a passive aggressive twat. You clearly have enough on your plate without stressing about the house being immaculate and it’s not fair for him to be so moody about it.

God it’s depressing reading posts from PPs who see no issue with those messages. So many women are conditioned to accept low- grade shittery without question.

This sounds familiar?